Dealing with a Spouse with a “Mild Cognitive Impairment”

@oneputt There’s a class (zoom based and free) that you can take based on the Pauline Boss book.
I’m almost finished with it and have found it very helpful.
It’s called Finding Meaning and Hope. I found it via the GUIDE program we are in here where I live and our particular instructor is in Flagstaff.

Okay, so I attended a support group for people (care givers) that live with spouses, mothers, sisters who are at all levels of cognitive impairment. It was an eye opener for me and made me realize I'm pretty lucky. I get upset and irritated with my spouse due to all the issues that come along with this piece of crap disease but in this circle of 15 people baring their souls, I felt incredibly fortunate so far. The facilitator had a free book that I'd like to share with others because it is spot on about taking care of yourself as you take on more and more of the responsibilities. The book is by Pauline Boss, PhD and is called "Loving Someone Who Has Dementia" - how to find hope while coping with stress and grief. I can hardly put it down and feel it has already helped me in coping with my "new" everchanging adventure. Peace and love to all

@oneputt thank you for sharing the name of this book. I have since gotten a copy and it seems like it will be very helpful! (I say seems as I have only read the introduction but what I’ve read so far gives me hope.)

@ktcosmos Thank you. I"m reading Loving someone with Dementia which you mentioned and it's wonderful. Thank you. Best, Karla

@kjc48 Your so welcome! The book has helped me be more accepting rather than angry. Actually, when I woke up this morning - I realized how peaceful I felt and can't fully explain how this last year filled with stress and anger has so quickly changed. (my sister's prayers are powerful but this is really a huge answer to mine to be at peace). I just had to say "no more" driving to my husband which he is still getting use to but me having to be more in charge of his constant in and out of the driveway has taken so much stress out of my life and I think his too, really. I'm learning to acknowledge his feelings but be firm in my "It's just not safe for you or others and I will always be here for you, etc. etc."...just saying that to the person I wanted to run away from just 3 months ago is incredible!! Thanks be to God for sure!! take care Karla and enjoy the book!! This is oneputt by the way - aka Lori

@blisst You are so welcome. I think the book has helped me to be more accepting and less angry which is huge for my 1/2 Italian temperament. I just had to take the car keys away from my 85 year old husband after multiple fender benders and a claim against our Ins. He is doing okay so far..lapses into thinking he could still drive, etc. Helping him get things done has actually given me a change of heart and has improved MY communication with him even if his side is still a bit confusing. My counselor has helped me to stay strong but kind about this situation with the driving. Good luck and stay strong too. My theme song is "I am not alone" by Kari Jobe. Check it out on you tube.

Good morning nod Happy New Year @tryingtimes10 I know you only asked for women's perspective, but my wife suffered from brain cancer and severe dementia-like symptoms, so I wanted to chime in. We were married for 41 years and she was diagnosed when she was 46.

I was my wife's sole caregiver for over 14 years. I think the most important things that helped me were these:

Her broken brain (disease) made her a different person. I had to accept that and learn to love this new person each day as things, and she changed over and over.

While we wish there were guarantees in life, there are none when it comes to our future. Also, life often feels unfair when it comes to how our lives change as we become caregivers.

My dad was an alcoholic, and I learned to live the mantra of "one day at a time" as a caregiver and to loving my spouse for how she was that day.

I had to learn to give up wishing this wasn't happening and wanting to go back to how things, and she, were in our past. Our clocks can never go backward.

I hope my insights might be of help.

Strength, Courage, & Peace

@IndianaScott
Thank you so very much for your insightful post above. I’m at the beginning of this journey and am having a hard time accepting my husband’s forgetfulness. Your wise words about acceptance are so helpful.