How do you find balance while caregiving?

@bayviewgal Please do not blame yourself for this horrible disease. You did the best you could and we as spouses of a cognitive impaired spouse need to be so much more involved with everything. We have to take care of our own level of patience and be kind to ourselves because we are the ones doing it all and they need us there so we need to take care of ourselves in order to take care of them. It's tough, it's sad and every couple has to find their own way to get through it. No guilt, no blame - only job well done good and faithful servant.💕💪☮️

@ocdogmom I don't know if this is the right thread to post this but here it is anyway.
I have been doing an aggressive "downsizing" and getting rid of things my husband will never again use. It is sad for me because these things reflect the life we used to have. So maybe this is good for me, to not have to look at the evidence of our former life. This has been going on for at least a month. I also started to get rid of things that I thought I would never use again, mostly things I would use for having a dinner party and entertaining. Something that I have always enjoyed but now do not have the mental energy to do. Yesterday I had an epiphany. I will have a life after this is all over. Probably a really fun and fulfilling life that will include entertaining friends, new and old. So I am keeping some things because I can now see that really good things can and probably will happen in the future. I don't have to know exactly when but the belief that they will has changed my outlook for today.

I love your post- sometimes it’s so very difficult to imagine a future life while in the depths of caregiving and the emotional and physical demands…but this chapter will come to a close, allowing for a new one to begin. ❤️🤗

@bayviewgal thanks for the input. I’ll keep,that in mind next time she is trying to figure out what drawer she keeps the silverware in. It’s probably a good mind exercise for her and makes her less reliant on me - which is likely better for me than her

@ocdogmom If you found the book helpful, I highly recommend the course based on it. There are in-person and on-line options. The next on-line course starts in early June. See https://meaningandhope.org/videos-finding-meaning-hope/

Thank you for the recommendation. I will look into it. Learning all I can is helping me cope as well as understand how to best help my husband.

Gratia,

What a wonderful set of reflections and exchanges your brief comment set in motion. Your very heading says so much. Balance--so elusive--is the essence. I am at present trying to synthesize all the wisdom I've accumulated from so many contributors and when--if?--I can find the time I'll send it out. Hugs to all.

Tom G.

I loved the Loving Someone book…..

@oneputt It's so true what you post. Doing the best we can, trying to figure out how to take care of US while we are immersed with them. It's just a narcissistic disease - me, me, me or I should say them, them, them - and there really is so little we can do about it. After an exhausting week, we went to bed at 9:30 last night and before we got in bed, he started again, about his doctor's appointment the next day. All I could say, was "Not tonight, Eddie. Not tonight. This is about me tonight, turning the lights off and in US getting sleep." In the middle of it all, I had clarity. Sleep.
Best, Karla

Real quick.. my husband has had a sleep disorder forever before MCI but when he got Covid towards the end of 2023, I had to set up my own space in our one spare room - well, I'm still there and loving my own space and own bathroom! It's my sanctuary from the storms. Covid was a blessing in that way. His brother and wife have had separate rooms & bathrooms forever. My sister and her MCI husband had separate rooms & bathrooms. Our daughter's in-laws had the same arrangement so it's not at all that odd, really. And as we age we both need the bathroom more - haha, so having our own is primo. My husband has not complained and seems to enjoy his space as well. Only thing, he is having potty issues now and when I went to replace his toilet seat, I found a mess which I quickly disinfected and then I checked his bed 🙁 He had a white mattress cover over the sheet and the white cover was beige with dried blood spots from his easily bruising thin skin - I tried bleach in the washing machine to no avail and had to toss it. I'll have to become his cleaning lady now on top of his mother 🙁 It was a hard week - thank God for my sister and her patience with listening and a good night's sleep, I'm back on track and past that horrible tendency to shut my brain down. That shutting down feels like a door closing on my positive attitude and I think it's the evil one for sure taking advantage of a vulnerable moment - but by God's Grace & Mercy I shook it off (literally, I had to shake my head!!) - things are much better today. God bless us all as we navigate each hour sometimes. hugs to you, Lori