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Helping adult son who has depression
My son is in his forties and has clinical depression. He was in residential (Sierra Tucson) 6 years ago. He is on medication but his therapy has not been as frequent as previously d/t insurance changes. He is basically unemployed but is pursing an MSW. He lives with me, his 6 year old son (my grandson,) and his ex-wife lives in our addition. Bizarre but it works for us. I am concerned about his feelings of worthlessness after multiple rejections when he was applying for various jobs and his despair about the fact he is still living with his mom and is financially dependent upon me. He feels that if his son (whom he adores) ultimately finds out about his condition he will lose his love and respect. Although he stays alive for his son, he wonders if it would be better if he wasn’t here at all, if it’s better for him to be gone now rather than prolong what he feels is a facade. I know these are his demons talking to him and he’s intelligent enough to know that too, but when he gets into a “trough” these feelings overwhelm him. During such episodes he becomes immobilized (e.g., won’t get out of bed) and tells my grandson (who’s old enough to notice) that he has a headache or is sick. I’ve encouraged him to tell his son the truth about his depression because I know young kids can draw incorrect conclusions but he won’t due to his shame and guilt. Does anyone - either someone with depression or someone who loves someone with depression- have any advice?
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I have a adult son that is suffering with depression, I'm just trying to find some recourses so that i can help him..
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5 Reactions@cmoon3155
Welcome to Mayo Connect. It can be very emotional when dealing with a family member with depression. You can make suggestions, but as an adult, your son has to be willing to accept those suggestions. I had a sister who suffered from depression but refused to acknowledge. She was very defensive when the issue was raised. I asked if she had discussed with her primary, and her response was "I do not have a problem".
You might read this article for suggestions:
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/in-depth/depression/art-20045943
Do you care to share more information?
Does your son acknowledge he has a problem?
Is he currently being treated by a therapist or medications?
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3 ReactionsYou should also verify what type of mental health benefits his insurance has since they may have a referral line already setup for beneficiaries.
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2 ReactionsMy husband has depression. It came on quickly when he retired. Hindsight...he had had episodes before but being a workaholic kept things at bay. It has been ten years since he retired. I have found sadly, he must do everything needed for his depression himself. Because of his depression he feels I am not supportive enough. I have suggested, researched, tried to be helpful etc. but his depression leaves him stymied and with lack of impetus to do anything. I also find there can be a fine line between being helpful and enabling. It can be a vicious cycle.
Has your son sought out any form of help/treatment for his depression?
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4 Reactions@crabby55 I can only say that depression is a disease and like any other disease it needs to be treated.
My first real episode happened my second year of college. I had no idea what it was other than the fact it was a terrifying experience. I cycled in and out of depression for years and finally on the cover of Time magazine was a pill called Prozac. It was the first major breakthrough in the treatment of depression called SSRI’s. I read the article and called my PCP the next day. Long story short I finally had a name for what I had been suffering from for years.
Your husband is retired and I am assuming he has a good PCP. Have him set up an appointment and go with him if you have to. His doctor hopefully has some knowledge on depression and can prescribe a good SSRI. I have been taking Zoloft/ Sertraline along with Buspar and Wellbutrin for the last 35 years. It unfortunately can take six to eight weeks to fully get in his system but it will and like many medications he will have to take it the rest of his life. If Zoloft is not the answer there are many other SSRI’s out there. Depression is a real disease and there is help. Most SSRI’s are now generic so the cost is minimal.
Millions of people suffer from depression and the stigma is no longer what it used to be. Famous people from all walks of life have come forward with their stories.
Your husband has a choice. He can live the rest of his life being miserable or he can get help.
Hopefully with your help he gets help.
Good luck.
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4 ReactionsIf a person denies depression, you cannot force them at all to seek treatment.
Does your son have any hobbies? Does he drink alcohol? What does he do for living? You cannot assume he has depression, unless there is some kind of evidential symptoms that you noticed in him?
Do not nag him to seek help, as it will make things worst.
VJ
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1 Reaction@daveshaw Thank you for your response. My husband isn't very communicative about his depression. He says it is treatment resistant. I am not sure what meds he has been given in the past. I get vague answers from him. Currently I know some meds his Dr's will not allow because of his heart condition. I did check with attending Dr's about that when he was in the hospital at one time. They confirmed that was accurate. He considers himself "independent" and goes to his dr appts alone. We married late in life. His first/only marriage....at age 65. He wasn't particular used to sharing things!
@crabby55
Your husband would benefit from being in a group of people who have depression. I joined one and it changed my life.
He needs a psychiatrist and a therapist. Psychiatrists are good for medication but therapists are good for talk, which he desperately needs. And you need a group too, to help you cope.
@crabby55 ps, yes, I am aware he has a choice. He doesn't always feel he has a choice. Sad and difficult to watch him go through this and to live with him going through this. Especially when these are definitely our later years.
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1 Reaction@dollyjaneprenzel I agree that a group would be great for my husband. He did a group in 2019. It was what has been the most successful. Unfortunately the group was for only 8 weeks and when it ended he slowly slid right back. I've mentioned things I've heard or read about on this site and other places. He mentioned he was looking into something a month ago but he hasn't brought it up since.
Coping for me has taken a while. I would love to find a group but haven't found anything that fits even though I live in a large metropolitan area. I've tried NAMI and the VA. If you have any suggestions I'll gladly take them.
Fortunately reading others experiences on this site has given me insight and been quite helpful in my own coping, giving me other perspectives.
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