Anyone feel they made major life mistakes that are not forgivable?

@isadora2021 I blame myself because I chose to marry my husband even after I saw him get angry at me about something. At the time, I did not realize his anger would be a recurring trait. I did not realize his anger would get passed down to our sons. Our older son keeps an emotional distance from both of us and doesn’t talk to either of us much. Our younger son has worse anger issues but thinks that others are at fault and refuses to go into therapy. He calls us every day. Even if I say that since my sons are adults, I am not responsible, but I still feel emotional pain.

@elainer12 It must be very hard wondering how your life would have turned out if you had been able to understand how deep your husband’s anger is and how much it determines his character. I am sorry you’ve suffered so much. If only we could all have 20/20 hindsight and able to go back and have another go 😞

I strongly believe in a loving God who looks at everything. It sounds to me you entered into marriage in good faith keen to build a happy home. Therapy hasn’t helped you, and I hope you can find a pastor instead who can help relieve the heavy burden on your soul and help you to live the rest of your life lighter and less burdened.

I have struggled my whole life with the feeling that I have made many unforgivable mistakes. I have learned that if I live in today, not yesterday or tomorrow, I can experience serenity.
Even though I have made mistakes that caused other people pain I can be freed from the guilt by acknowledging the mistakes, asking for forgiveness where appropriate and living today the best way I can.
People watch me. They see that I try my best and are way more forgiving than I am of me.
I am God’s creation. I have value, I can still be a role model for my children because I know they are still watching me and will learn from me how to navigate this thing called life.
My parents taught me what they knew. How to be honest, caring and hardworking. That’s what they knew.
I have the opportunity to teach my adult children how to work through the challenges of self doubt, fear and remorse.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

You can too.
With love,
D

@elainer12 my heart goes out to you…family situations can be very painful… I am no expert, but have found that finding pleasure in small things is a good step forward…creating new friendships can take time—if there any groups that share your interests, like gardening or birding, that helps (I joined a Native American dance class and made wonderful friends)….just saying friendly hellos in daily life helps a lot and will come back to you.i often thank clerks and compliment them on their smiles….points of light do add up ! Find more interactions outside of family..Wishing you the best !!

God forgives all those who repent and ask for his forgiveness. Life doesn't come with a manual so we all do the best we can.

@elainer12
You obviously have some feelings for your husband because you care enough not to unearth your motive for marrying him due to the hurt it would cause. Does his anger stem from, perhaps, already knowing your hidden feelings? Your children probably felt this tension throughout their lives. They need to understand that loving relationships and partnerships do exist. They need to feel love from both you and your husband. As a Christian, I turn my life and worries over to God through prayer. I believe that you must try to forgive and love yourself, before you can do the same with others. Would your family members be willing to seek guidance from your spiritual leader (Rabbi or other)? I agree that it will take time to heal and will entail some hard work. Would it not be worth it to end up with a family that becomes cohesive, understanding, and hopefully caring again? There are ways to atone for your actions. Seeking assistance is the first courageous step in moving forward. Be prepared that some may not be open to or embrace your atonement attempts. Respect their options. At least they know you tried.
I wish you heartfelt luck in this journey.

@pmhpesp5 It seems the anger existed before the marriage.

The guilt is for marrying to have a family and to fall in love after marriage, despite seeing the anger. Not understanding how deep that anger was and how it was part of his character. The anger messed up that plan!

Then the likely source of most of the guilt: having children who mirrored their dad.

Very tough situation and so not fair to carry that burden.

I would like to offer a different viewpoint.
It appears to me, Your husband was suffering from Intergenerational Trauma. Then passed it on to his offspring. It is not your fault. You have nothing to do with it. It will take a Professional to deal with it. It would help you a great deal to help you understand how to deal with your feelings. A Therapist can set you free!

@betanner I’m seeing a therapist who says I should forgive myself. Do you think God will forgive me?

@isadora2021 I’m seeing a therapist who says I should forgive myself. Will God forgive me? I have prayed for forgiveness.