Forgets he is home

anna8, he may be thinking of the home he grew up in. Photos of the home helped to ease into the present, but I don't know if that would help with your husband. He would ask to be dropped at the bus stop, confident that he would be able to make his way home. Photos were with a little conversation about past events there were a gentle nudge into the present. It is so impossibly difficult. Bless you both.

@anna8 Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect! I’m glad that you feel comfortable and can get into the discussion. The other members will probably respond to you in the morning. I think you find many of them very caring and helpful. Welcome!

Hi Anna8,
I'm so sorry that your husband is having these problems! It must be scary for him and for you. At this point just reassure him that this is his home and that you love him and tell him that anywhere we are together is home. It may just be something you both will have to live with. Be thankful that he still communicates with you. My husband died of lung cancer in 2024. Before he died he was getting forgetful about things like your husband is. Plus my husband was frightened of his condition. And that was not like my husband at all. I just reasured him that I loved him and it was enough that we were together. We also prayed and asked for God's help which we got. We enjoyed each other's company and I'm so glad because we didn't have that much time together.
Hug your husband and tell him how much you love him and enjoy the time that you do have together. One never knows when that time will end. Only God knows that.
I'll say a prayer for both of you.
I wish you the best.
PML

Maybe you can tell him...."we are home, I love you and anywhere you and I are together is our home. It's always so hard to know what to say and do!

Anna8
My husband was diagnosised in 2012 and started "needing to go home" several years ago, mainly in the afternoon when his Sundowners would start. He would get extremely upset and agitated, needing to get out of here (our home for many years) and "go home".
At first, I tried to reason with him that we were home, but of course, that never worked, especially when he was already upset.
So I just tried to make him feel better.
I would tell him we needed to stay here tonight and make a plan in the morning.
Sometimes I would tell him it was too late to leave now, we need to rest here tonight.
Sometimes I'd blame the weather. I heard a big storm is coming, and we need to stay here where we're safe and decide in the morning.

I leave the room for a few minutes, come back with a big smile on my face like everything is fine, and tell him why don't we have a snack, or some tea, or whatever distraction you can think of.
These ideas don't always work and there is alots of repeating the same reasurances, over and over.
I'd like to tell you that it's short lived but in our case it still happens almost daily.

I totally get it, but I don’t have any answers. I am told this is a phase that he will move through…My husband is continuously sorting through and packing up his belongings to go. He is fearful of someone wanting to take his things. I can be doing laundry and walk in the bedroom to find everything that is his on the bed or put in bags or boxes. When I ask him where he is going he never has an answer, he just knows he has to go. The funny thing is he never messes with my things so I guess he doesn’t consider I would be going with him.
Yesterday, he went out into the carport while I was paying bills and when I went to check on him he had loaded everything in the storage room into the back of our truck. All in a matter of a very short time. I have to continuously redirect to convince him no one is going to take his things and this is our home where his things belong. It seems like I spend all my time putting everything back where it should be and he forgets about it until the next time.
Anyone else dealing with this?

Anna, my spouse has a similar 'where am I' behavior. I usually reassure her where she is and go on to the next subject, such as "Hey, would you like a cup of hot chocolate?" My mother use to contend that if you asked questions, you were in control. But, there are times when she wants to 'go home' though we are home....and then she goes off, grabs some clothing and puts it into travel bags putting them by the front door. I consider it a minor delusion. The delusions that come in the middle of the night where 'she swears her brother is breaking into the house and he has 'killed' 5 people and we have to get out NOW!' are harder to deal with.

My sweet hubby is in year 8 of Lewy Body Dementia. A few years ago, he would ask to go home, and I simply reassured him that we were at home and often we would walk through the house and talk about each room. Other times, I would walk in the bedroom, and he would be packing his clothes military style (rolling/compacting/items together, etc) as if he was being deployed, and often he would even express that he had to "get out of here." We talked about former deployments and ended with the conclusion that he was being deployed "tomorrow," and, later I would unpack everything, so he could re-do it again and again. As time went on, it seemed as if he simply needed to be reassured that he was in a safe place. Now, he rarely says the word "home".....and he doesn't always recognize the rooms in our house. He cannot be left alone for even a few seconds because he is a high fall risk, hallucinates about the location of toilets (learned from that messy mistake quickly), and vividly hallucinates in general....so now I miss the times where he could be left alone or out of sight for a period of time - even if he made a mess! This journey is one that is constantly changing in the most amazing ways and also contains changes that include some bizarre, unexpected twists and turns. As caregivers, we are on alert 24/7 - even when we get a rare break, we never seem to let go mentally.....and that is OK. We do the best we can with the challenging moments we face and hope that at the end of the day we can get a little rest to do it all again tomorrow. Praise for all who are lovingly on this dementia journey....we do this with very little instructions and have to figure out the uniqueness of our own loved ones needs. While I wish this was not what we have to face, the reality is we are facing this. As for me, I am determined to do the very best I can every moment for this most amazing man God gave to me. Our plans have changed, but not our love, and at times, when life seems so different and difficult, I pray that I can pull from that reservoir of strength and determination to succeed for my precious husband as I know he would have taken such great care of me if the roles were reversed. God bless all who walk this journey with faith, hope and love.

@kjc48 Thank you for the thoughtful idea on how to respond. 🙂

@elliottw Thanks for the response. My husband also packs up a few things often and says we need to leave as people are after him. So very sad but I will just keep trying to come up with new ideas to distract him and make him feel safe. Good luck to you on this journey.