How do I add aging issues to a life I have never been happy in?

Posted by grasping @grasping, Jan 31 5:24pm

I can relate to all I have read in this aging forum except, as I always find, I mostly feel physically ugly and have felt this way my whole life. Age just makes everything worse for me. I know aging is hard but when I add it to the fact that I have hated myself my whole life, it is unbearable. Been to many doctors and therapist thru the years to no avail. I cannot tolerate any serotonin drugs that may help me. The last straw for me was when, 6 months ago, I had my upper teeth removed because of failing crowns and bridge work. I had implants place and am now getting near the date to get my permanent implant crowns place. The problem is my face has aged at least 10 years because of having no teeth. I wish I never would have done this, I have no faith that my dentist will be able to make my facial structure look any better with the implants. Once again I did something to make me feel better about myself and it will not work out that way in the end. I have not enjoyed my life and aging is a cruel way of going out in my opinion. I do not have the inner self esteem I need to make this horrible life journey.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Aging Well Support Group.

riverdawn | @riverdawn | Feb 19 1:06pm

In reply to @babbsjoy "@riverdawn That was beautiful and inspiring! Bless you!" + (show)

@babbsjoy You also! 🙂

zorro12345 | @zorro12345 | Feb 20 9:18am

In reply to @edsutton "One of the advantages of age is that I have said enough stupid, clumsy, hurtful things..." + (show)

@edsutton
Qoute from Benjamin Fanklin:
"Tis better to remain silent and be thought a fool , than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt!"

riverdawn | @riverdawn | Feb 20 10:41am

In reply to @grasping "It sounds wonderful but impossible for me. I am truly happy to hear you can do..." + (show)

@grasping Hello, i think a lot of us with depression are not doing well. Mine began in my teens, exacerbated at age 26 after my last child was born. I cannot take the popular "mood stabilizers", because i begin having tremors after one month (of being happy and normal 🙄) -such a disappointment to know they did not work. I have made up my mind to do what i can, not feel ashamed for what i cannot control, and maybe tomorrow will be better. And many times, it is. And at 65, i am proud of myself. I have used this alone time to study history and art, so being depressed has not been wasted time. I hope that you find peace and some joy, and hope!

jamiemj | @jamiemj | Feb 20 6:28pm

In reply to @grasping "It sounds wonderful but impossible for me. I am truly happy to hear you can do..." + (show)

@grasping
I feel you.
Am alot like you and feel alot like you do. Seeing it in writing is too much a mirror for me 🙁 I guess denial has work better for me. But now, I don't know about that.
It's hard to say how we can be helped.
Politically I am very depressed and actually angry, for awhile now. That has affected my health. Also not realizing how fast time has gone by...then seeing that time has.
Then finding out in one year all these things major going wrong with my body.
Things don't seem positive anymore.

Can anybody say something for being more positive in the face of adversity for us?

edsutton | @edsutton | Feb 20 7:01pm

I've found I could make it through the worst if I could just remember that feelings and emotions eventually change.
Deeply depressed, afraid to be near people, sitting blank for hours at a time.... a jumping spider landed on my hand and waved at me.
There was one living thing I could be glad to see!
I could feel something, and I began to move toward my life.

carol222 | @carol222 | Feb 21 1:15pm

My heart aches for you having to deal with all this. There are sometimes no easy answers to problems. In my humble opinion, I think dealing with your teeth issue is very important right now. I assume the dentist who put in your temporary implants will be putting in the permanent ones? I would suggest contacting him/her and asking for a consultation and discussing your concerns about this. They might be able to give you some information that will put your mind more at ease about this. I'm pretty sure that you can't just opt for not doing it. You need teeth. Secondly, I really wish you wouldn't blame yourself for doing this. It sounds like you didn't have a lot of choice. If teeth are failing, they really need to be replaced. You'll be better off with them then without them. So, try to start there. As far as self-esteem, you can't inject yourself with it. It's very hard to deal with a lack of self-esteem, as you know. I don't know enough about your life to suggest something - like your financial situation, if you are still working (I am at 80), family, friends, etc. So, this may be from left field, and you can take it for what it's worth, but perhaps volunteering somewhere to help children, people, or animals might help you feel a greater sense of purpose and help you to feel better about yourself. As I said, this could be a goofy suggestion, but maybe not. I hope you have someone you can talk to. I will be thinking of you and wishing the best for you.

kfd | @kfd | Feb 24 6:14am

In reply to @grasping "@isadora2021 Thank you for responding. I appreciate your kind words. I too had cancer about 10..." + (show)

@grasping
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change the courage.to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference
I pray you will find peace and contentment

nycmusic | @nycmusic | Feb 24 10:38am

In reply to @riverdawn "@grasping Hello, i think a lot of us with depression are not doing well. Mine began..." + (show)

@riverdawn being absorbed in interesting things is good medicine and can help with depression.

danae25 | @danae25 | Feb 25 1:05pm

In reply to @frouke "I wonder if our parents felt like we do when they were aging, our world is..." + (show)

@frouke When I was a young woman, my mother, who was probably in her early 60s, said she felt she looked older than my father and was considering a facelift. This surprised me so much because she was my role model and I thought she was beautiful. And I told her so. And she didn't have the facelift. And she is still my role model. That was also about the time certain celebrities began having bad results with their facelifts. Beauty comes from within.