My siblings don't want our 84 year old mother tested for dementia.

I can only relate my situation. My spouse still maintains she doesn't have a 'memory' issue. I had her brother and sister spend a weekend with her and they both agreed to have her see a neurologist. After the diagnosis of Alzheimer's they accepted her condition. I suggested a 'power of attorney' and they objected, so I went to an elder care attorney who basically said, along with reviewing the advance health care directive, that I could make health care decisions for her.

My suggestion would be to gain more support from your siblings. Involve them with her care. When two or three children tell Mom she needs help and that there are new treatments, it is more powerful then being the only one. Have your siblings meet with your mother's doctor and explain how the disease progresses. Bless you for caring for your mother.

They are "HER" resources!

Some sleep walkers never wake up.
You might be the ball carrier, get your helmet on and take care.

What is "OT" (occupational therapy?). Hardly the right provider to make that diagnosis (though it might be accurate anyway). Are you her primary caregiver (or support person)? If so, you are in a much better position to know your mother's cognitive limitations. Are you her Healthcare POA? One of the early signs of dementia is loss of executive function (the ability to plan, organize or perform more complex functions, and lack of insight). Although a definitive diagnosis is useful and (mostly) desirable, we have very little in the way of proven treatments, mostly to slow the progression, but with significant side effects also.

If your siblings are only peripherally (if anything) involved in her care, they are likely denying what you already know. Further testing to include neuropsychological testing and brain imaging (to rule out other conditions) are usually done. A PET scan (very expensive and not as widely available) can see more markers of certain kinds of dementia). Good luck.

@jopa1951 That is well-stated. Thanks for that wake-up call!

@borwin98 That is a good point - I had not thought of them as her resources, I was focusing on the financial or medical resources.

@wctdoc1943 Actually the OT department did very thorough sets of testing for her cognitive abilities. It was explained to me that their clinical diagnosis can determine that there is an impairment, however her doctor needs to make a medical diagnosis to discover WHY there is an impairment.
All three of us siblings live nearby, and my sister is actually with her the most. She is the oldest, and first up to make decisions for her. She will be her health POA whenever she decides to take that over.
As a teacher, I am very much aware of executive functioning and impairments, and am reading reports often enough to understand the contents at a deeper level than my siblings. Having my own disabled child, I am also literate in specialist jargon! They are stating that I am exaggerating, and the OT's tests were not accurate. They have convinced her primary care doctor that she is better functioning than she is, and talked the primary care doctor into signing off on her retaining her driver's license (that the OT recommended pulling). Scary.

Which child has been the primary helper/caregiver for your mom? Which child has been the primary financial helper for your mom?

In my family (4 kids) I was the primary caregiver/helper for our mom and one brother was the primary finance helper got our mom. All 4 of us, and in the early days our mom as well, agreed on this pecking order and it worked well.

Elder care giving by a committee of all or several family members led by an elder whose mental faculties are worsening is not going to work.

My mom spent time (weeks) visiting each of us after our dad died. We all lived in different states. So each of us saw how she was losing skill. And we all agreed in the plan going forward.

My husband is one of 12 kids and they manage caregiving differently. Denial being their basic philosophy. It hadn’t turned out well.

@csinbp Thank you for the follow-up information. Family squabbling over the care of a loved one is usually not in the best interest of the loved one (unfortunately). But based on your information, there is a significant likelihood she has an early form of dementia. You can observe and document for future reference.

@wctdoc1943 You are so right about it not being in the best interest of the loved one. I backed off of our inner fighting, as it really was taking a toll on my mother. It's challenging for me to take a back seat. Requires a lot of praying!! Winter, unfortunately, is always a season where decline escalates, so perhaps there will be some progress in their thinking.