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My wife suddenly died next to me after 40 WONDERFUL years of marriage
I was married for 40 spectacular years. She died next to me in bed almost instantly having an MI ( heart attack) in bd next to me. I still cry every single day. My two sons said that their mm and I were closer that they have ever known. Needless to say, it was like a ton to f bricks hitting me in the head!! Psychiatrist prescribed four anti-depressants to take at bedtime. My medication list looks like an old inventory of Walgreens. I tried dating 3x but none of them worked out. I paid for three expensive dinners and it was a waste of money. Yup , heart my SS. My sone who is an Alzheimer’s and Dementia expert told me I should have gone to three coffee shops, but it felt cheap doing it that way. After dinner two of them just got up and went to their cars, and the third at least said thank you and good bye. Hey, I am no Brad Pitt but I am no Quasimodo either. So now I don’t know where to turn. I hardly ever see or talk to my sons since they are both very busy! I told one of my daughters-in-laws that I was upset about losing my wife. Her immediate response was “You know your son lost a mother and you forget that!” What, anyway just needed to talk to someone and let it out. Yes, had a therapist but it was a waste of time! Both my sons said I am too trusting and too giving. Is that a fault ? Not to me.
Anyway, that is my story and I’m tired of taking all those meds. Physician said don’t stop taking them. I’ll see how it goes from here on. No more dating for me. It wasn’t the money I spent, it was the hurt of hate three women just walk away from me. So now, time will tell!!
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@dennismm
Hi, my wife died November 2024 after 60 years of marriage. She was in hospital, but for me her death was unexpected and I still feel bitter about the way the hospital missed signs of infection and reacted too late. I just can't get out of my mind her saying "hold my hand" and "don't go," the night before she died. She knew the end was near, but it wasn't apparent to my family, and the doctors told us nothing to prepare us.
One of my sons lives close by and spends several nights a week here, but when I'm alone, I talk to here and keep thinking she has just gone away and will be back.
Fortunately at age 85 I can still ride my bike with a group 2-3 times per week and dine out a couple times with friends. I am slowly disposing of some of her cycling clothes, but I will keep some. (We rode a tandem together for years). I dread having to empty her closet of all her clothing, although friends have offered to help. There is no urgency.
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2 ReactionsI understand what you are saying, however I did just the opposite. A week after she died a charity picked up all her clothes. I got so depressed looking at them so I had to get them out of the house.
Tried a couple of Internet dates and they were disasters! They ran out right after the dinner and never saw them again.
My Dr. said don’t look for someone my age, (78) because I’m very active and a much older woman would not be good for me! Problem is how do I date when I compare everyone to my wife and there’s no comparing at all.
Still taking antidepressants but they don’t help much. I’m not sure if I want the Internet or not because I only had bad luck!
Take some deep breaths. Be kind to yourself. Now that we're older we have to accept that everyone has as much or more baggage than we do. Just be yourself and you might be surprised! Don't give up! Just try to be open-minded!
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1 Reaction@gemdoc25
Please go to March 27, 2025 @shmerdloff.
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1 Reaction@shmerdloff
I'm sorry to read about the loss of your life. Both of you were lucky that you were next to her when she made her transition; and you were lucky that you did not have to go through a "long goodbye"--like many of us have and are experiencing with regard to our spouse. (It' would have gut-wrenching for you watch your wife suffer so much, especially if you would have been helpless to ease her pain.)
Never give up hope on love--our purpose in life. If you loved your wife for all those years, you were meant to love. (Just pick your next dates more carefully. Go with your heart and not out of loneliness.)
My husband lost his wife, and was left with five children to raise. (Be thankful that your kids are grown.) He met me less than a year after her death, and we've been together for 30 years. Now, I am his caregiver. (He is 83, immobile, and has Alzheimer, Lewy Body dementia, vascular dementia and Parkinson's.)
May time and the support of all those who love you ease your pain. And may you continue to find joy in living your life. I'm sure that's what your wife would have wanted for you.
Blessings,
George's Wife
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5 Reactions@gemdoc25 You hit the nail on the head.....there is no urgency. As I posted months ago, after 52 years of marriage, my wife passed away unexpectedly at home in her sleep in Feb 2025. There is no hurry to do things that don't feel comfortable. I have her clothes in the closet and I'm taking my time in processing what I do next without pressure from family and friends. As you know, everyone handles grief differently on her/his own timeline. I'm slowly doing better but it all takes time. Wish you the best and be well.
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3 ReactionsThanks so much for your good wishes.
She died Januay24, 2015, 8;15 AM in bed right next to me of an immediately heart attack. She not sick or digging any way, thank goodness!!
Dr said that what happy to me is the witst kind of grief. He said if someone’s is really sick, you know that person might die and you are somewhat mentally prepared, however she was not sick so her dying instantly was a double heartache you can’t be prepared for!
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1 Reaction@dennismm You're right, the shock was very traumatic. My wife passed away from a cardiac arrest and the doc who came to the house said she had no idea what happened and it was peaceful. I now realize that a peaceful passing is easy on the person however, it is horrible on the family. No time to prepare and decisions had to be made immediately. The calls to my 3 adult kids at 7AM that day will be something I'll never forget. Healing takes time and, in many cases, years.
Wow, you are so correct! Not even any mental or physical time to prepare yourself!
My sons and I miss her so much and anti depressants do nothing.
I’m sorry for your loss as well as I totally understand it!
@njed
I have lost two husbands. Both died right before our 25th wedding anniversary,
My first husband died from lung cancer while in our 40s. I eventually remarried and just lost my husband at age 81. He had a cardiac cath and the doctor punctured his LAD. He died the next day. I never got to tell him goodbye or how much I loved him.
I do not think either is easier. It is hard watching someone die slowly or someone dying so suddenly without a chance to say goodbye.
It is 9 months since his death and I am doing better. I live in a senior apartment so have friends and events here.
My thoughts are with you. Eileen
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