Long-term depression

I'm so tired of pretending everything is ok.Sometimes it feels like my head gonna explode.I really dont know to do.Help

My doctor once asked me if Iwas "superwoman" @rick807 to think I could be two people at one time. He said act like you feel and if anyone doesn't agree or listen they arent your true frieds.

Hi @rick807 So sorry you are feeling so low. I hope that you are feeling at least a little better by now, just read your post. Do you have some coping skills that work for you when you are feeling so low. I understand when you say it feels like your head is going to explode, I have felt that way myself at times. And like you, I pretended like everything was ok for so many years. I got tired of it and decided to find a good therapist who I felt comfortable with and learned to trust to share my memories & feelings with. I knew that I needed to work on myself to get out of that place.
Think of the little things in your life & they will ad up. If you get out of bed, that's a step. If you comb/brush your hair, that's a step. If you shower and dress, that's another. Brush your teeth, that's another. All these little things that normally we don't really think about, but doing them and telling yourself that you accomplished each step. Some days, you may only accomplish one of these things, other days more. But as long as you keep doing these things you are taking care of yourself. When we are really down, it is really important that we do "self care".
Also, I have to tell myself that I am worth it. That I do make a difference. I don't know what your support system is, but I hope you have family & friends who you can reach out to at times like this. It helps me to contact someone, even if I don't tell them what is going on, it helps me feel better because I checked in on someone else.
Other things that help me are coloring, writing, and reading. I also listen to music, that helps too. I do hope you are feeling a little better and not so down. Let me know if you try any of these things and if they help.
You took the first step, you posted about how you are feeling, sometimes just getting it out will help. Take care and remember, you are not alone! We are all in this together.

I completely understand and will pray this feeling goes away for you. Your post brought up song lyrics from my memory bank of Bruce Springsteen's "Promised Land." "I've done my best to live the right way. I get up every morning and go to work each day. But your eyes go blind and your blood runs cold. Sometimes I feel so weak, I just want to explode ..."

I wanted to add, that it's ok to feel that way. I mean, don't beat yourself up for feeling that way. The more we tell ourselves that we shouldn't feel so bad, then the worse we can feel, like a circle. When we allow ourselves to feel what we are feeling and know that things will get better, then it seems that it lessens the time we feel that way, or at least it does for me. I read something the other day, and now I can't remember just what it was, but it was saying that storms don't last forever. Give yourself permission to feel your feelings for now and know that it won't last. I don't know more about you or any issues, so I can only tell you what has worked for me. If nothing fits for you. that's ok. Keep reaching out, there are a lot of people here on Mayo Connect who have gone through, if not the same things, then similar. But a lot of our feelings are the same.

@mlbaier Hi there, do you have a first name? Welcome to our forum. I am sorry you are having such a tough time. I have heard that meds can become ineffective over time and then new combinations have to be worked out. That has to be very frustrating. I knew someone who got licensed to do bio-feedback. I was her gunia pig while she went through training. I thought it was pretty miraculous. She hooked me up with electrodes and did an entire body reading. Without knowing anything about me, her tests were spot on. It even detected a recent rotator cuff injury! I don't know much about how it works, but I think it is fascinating. One of my favorite authors, Dr. Andrew Weil, backs up and recommends this as treatment for many ailments. How many sessions of biofeedback have you had?

Johns Hopkins is supposed to be one of the best institutions. I hope they can help you. You may have heard of a new(ish) treatment for depression where they use magnetic resonance, and get positive results. Had you heard of it?

That is interesting @windwalker! I've not heart about the magnet resonance, I'll have to ask my therapist about it. I've heard that the bio-feedback was good, that is something that it picked up the rotator cuff injury. Sounds good!

@rick807

Rick, yeah, I'm there sometimes. Therapists have told me I'm the best mask wearer they've seen. I reached the point of realizing that I would end my life if I didn't tell someone about who was behind the mask. Actually, I had already made several attempts by that time. Pretending drains the life out of a person. Secrets kept for decades eat away at the soul.

I know that I wouldn't be alive today without the help of a string of therapists and doctors. I always recommend finding one somehow. I went through 18 months without one, and by the end of last year, at 15 months, I was very depressed and becoming suicidal. I made it through the next few months just because I was told a therapist was moving here. He saved my life. That was 5 months ago, and I think I've been a challenging client. Poor guy.

When I got around to reading my email, I saw you had cried for help 4 hours before. I wonder if you are in a better place now. Life is so hard sometimes. The last 12+ years have been a rough journey for me, so I can empathize with how you're feeling now. Let me know if you want to talk about anything. I'll be thinking about you, Rick.

Jim

My name is Mary. I have had 14 treatments of biofeedback but there are several types. I am trying a new one. I had the same tests done by the naturopathic doctor. They are amazing. I got so bad yesterday I am calling to see about inpatient treatment at Johns Hopkins. It is three hours away and I have to have my doctor call them and then wait. I have not heard of the mri but I have to put my faith in them.

Hello Mary, @mlbaier

Thank you for the update. Continuing to wish you well!

Will you keep us posted on how you are feeling?

Teresa