I struggle with wanting to die everyday

Hang in there, Jesus loves you! I too am 70 yo depression plagued person. There is help out there. I just a year ago couldn’t believe I had been depressed for over 50 year's and been on about every antidepressant made. Over the last couple of years I have done
TMS ( trans magnetic therapy) like a watered down ECT. I did a CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) both group and individual therapy. Which I could start the depression lifting, I’m still on antidepressants but not nearly as depressed as I had been for years. Now I ordered some over the counter patches called OceAura that u put one on everyday. Has that made a difference. I am no longer dragging thru the day, I see things that need to be done and I actually have the energy to do the task. I’m surprising myself at the loud laugh I now have, that I haven’t heard for years. I sleep better with a c pap machine, and I’m no longer dragging thru each day exhausted, seeing things that need to be done. I don’t believe it myself, there has been a positive shift in my day. I actually talk to people and carry on conversations. I was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease 3 weeks ago and I’m doing better instead of worse. I’ve seen a holistic doctor. I’m searching for a better life. My husband has Parkinson’s disease with Lewy Body Dementia and I am his care giver. So my life is not a bed of roses. 🥀 I just want you to know that it is possible. Never stop searching, don’t give up, turn to Jesus. He in himself is enough if u have him in your heart and corner. Do not take ur life my 68 yo brother did 16 yrs ago and the entire family still miss him and wonder why he did such a terrible thing. It doesn’t get better, ❤️‍🩹 we miss him everyday. Dead is dead forever. No coming back. No grandchildren marriages, graduations, great grandkids, and your children will be scared for life. I wish I could just sit down face to face with u, we could come up with a outline and some bullet points to get you to and through the accomplished goals that have been achieved. Please reply if I hit upon any points that u can identify with and we can discuss it further. I would welcome questions. And if I can’t answer, we will find answers together. God bless you.

@sammer777

Thank, you I am laying in bed just trying to not take my life. I don't want to hurt my family, but don't know how I can go on. I pray everyday for God to give me strength. I have b.een dealing with depression for 30 years since my first husband (an army LTC) died of an overdose. I became an alcoholic and said and did things that I am ashamed of and have ruined almost all family relationships. (I do not drink anymore). I then married a very controlling man who further aliened my family from me. We divorced but he still called me 5 times a day and I let him until he died a few months ago. I have tried counseling, lots of medications, IOP and ECT. I had my second ECT on Friday which I peed all over myself, headache, and severe neausa. I have physical problems on the whole left side of my body. The left side of my head in tingly and numb. I have siatica down my back to my left foot which feels like electric shocks. I have nausea all the time. I just don't know how I can go on. I was so hoping that the ECT would make me feel better but I feel more desperate now. I even checked myself into a psch. ward at the hospital but that was so bad (room, care, etc) that I really would kill myself if I had to go back. I hired someone to help me drive to and from ECT. I really need help or I will not make it. I have had a lot of medical stuff in my life (broke my neck and was in traction and surgery for two years at 17, a double mastecomy, intestion surgery, hernia, broken leg in 6 places, foot surgery, etc.). How can I go on?? I see no hope for myself. I feel like staying in my bed until I just die from not taking care of myself. I do appreciate your response, Thank you. Pray that God gives me strength, I feel it is dwindling everyday and don't know how I can go on.

I am not doing well, I just want to die. I feel worse than I did before I had the ECT. I don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt anyone with my death, it would be so selfish and I have been that my whole life. I have dealt with lots of physical aliments (broken neck at 17 which took traction, body cast, surgery and two years to recover, double mastecomy, intestine surgery, broken leg in 6 places, foot tendon surgery) I lost my Army LTC husband at 50 to a drug overdose, became an alcoholic and destroyed my kids and family support ( I do not drink anymore) married a controlling man who I divorced but still called me everyday 5 times a day until he died a few months ago. I want to have hope, but it is dwindling everyday. I am never hungry and feel I could just stay in bed and would not notice if I starved to death. I was just in the hospital for low blood pressure for 3 days. I checked myself into a psych hospital but it was so bad I would never get well there. I feel there is no hope for me. I pray everyday. I don't think there is help for me.

@ucfsig
Wow. I had nevet heard of this organization. Very useful information. I hope this gets to ANYONE and EVERYONE here who struggles with any kind of issues around depression and/or doing harm to oneself. Shout this info to the mountaintops!! Thanks again....

My heart goes out to you Earline. How are you doing today? Please stay connected. New information here is helpful to say the least. Pretty awesome really! I just read that there is an organization called nowmattersnow.org. check it out! Good stuff!! Please check it out.

I think of suicide all the time. ECT is not working and I've tried over 11 different medications. Help me!

@colleenyoung

are you okay?

@earline14, I'm here. I'm listening.

It sounds like you need someone to talk to who can help. You can reach trained counsellors at the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
– Call or text 988
– Chat with a counsellor at https://988lifeline.org/chat/
Chat is available 24/7 across the U.S.