Dealing with a Spouse with a “Mild Cognitive Impairment”

I am with you all and I needed this group this morning. My husband said his life had gone to hell in a hand basket and our conversation went downhill from there. His impairment fluctuates and right now it is great. But he has gone back to saying that everything would be fine if he could just drive. And get a job. And then I could retire.
He never understands the full situation. I spent the rest of my morning free time doing stuff for him.
I did not work out, I am crying, I feel like I am in a black hole. And now I have to start my work day while he is enjoying watching an old movie.
Since he cannot do anything else because he cannot drive.
He could do something/ but he will not take any of my suggestions and then blames me for not listening to his needs.
Thank you all for allowing me to vent with you.

I am praying constantly.
I needed this reminder for self-care.

I am struggling to control my emotions and reactions to my husband's behavior.
Yesterday I decided I better look into anger management so I don't get an ulcer, and learn to react in a kinder way when I'm frustrated or angry.
Good luck to you.

My husband was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and I find myself making excuses to get out of the house. He was also told he cannot drive until he passes a driving test which has made him extremely angry. While I do understand it is difficult to carry on conversations without arguments and wanting a second opinion. I too need help learning how to converse with him. This is all so saddening for us both.

It's interesting that dementia exhibits in different ways with different folks.
You are making excuses to get out of the house, and I'm making them to stay at home. My husband just wants to go out all the time, and asks multiple times daily if there is any reason to 'go into town'. He always wants to leave our home, and going into town requires a 20 mile round trip. He doesn't have an idea of what he wants to do in town, just wants to leave our home.
I know that I am not meeting his social needs, however it's challenging to always figure out what we might do if we leave. I do not want to just drive around and waste gas.
Who knew I'd have to become a Cruise Director too?
We live in a small, rural community and there just isn't that much happening all the time.
It just gets harder. Sad face. 😔

Friends are what caregivers need for support. Don't hide it.

I understand what you are going through. It was a 2-3 year battle with the doctors and in January my husband was finally diagnosed with mild cognitive impairment. Last December I started doing his medications because he wasn’t taking them correctly. I realize since then every day has a new adventure some days are better than others. I take wins with the wins and with the bad days I look toward good days that were. If you wanna communicate and talk to me, let me know. Know you’re never alone though you may feel that way. I felt that way a lot in the beginning last year. I have a great support system family and friends. I got a new job that is so supportive and without question I can get a day off. You need to build yourself around a community and you have it here. Again if you want to communicate with me let me know.

I,too have been known to use the words “cruise director”. My husband turns 80 next month…has never had hobbies, and is not “a joiner”. He’s not interested in board games, card games or puzzles. He tells the doctor he excersies, but really can’t walk very far due to knee and foot issues. He, like your husband, goes somewhere (usually grocery or hardware store) every day, and I’m thrilled he is able to still drive and do those things, but it doesn’t sound much like the “social engagement” we hear about as being an essential part of helping with this. We do see family fairly often, and he does play ball with his dog in the yard. Thankfully this weather now is lovely. It IS hard. Take care of yourself…you’re doing the best you can, and that is all any of us can hope for.

Yes. I too, am the "cruise director" organizing daily activities for my 85 yr old husband, 2 yrs into ALZ.
Fortunately he is physically fit, attends adult day programs two days a week, enjoys church, grocery shopping , walks, etc.
We still do some travelling but I have to plan it all.
He is obviously so much better …i.e. alert, talkative on the days he is socially engaged. I’ll try to keep doing it while he’s at this stage, knowing that it won’t last forever.

@maryb86
Yes yes yes!
We are in a very different place than those who’s loved ones decline regularly over the months. Some dementia can stay status quo for many years, and only those living with them or spending a lot of time with them can see it. I personally have a very hard time handling all of this. I wish i could encourage you, but its been a hard few days for me.

@tryingtimes10
Oh my gosh. Your post was the first that I read. My husband was diagnosed with MCI in December’24. We have been married 52 years, also. I have been reading through other posts, and we are all going through basically the same thoughts, problems and hitting the same walls. I felt so alone for such a long time before I finally took the big step to convince my husband to see a neurologist. Our three grown children were not on board and made me feel even worse. I have been seeing a therapist for a few years and brought my concerns up to him and wondered to him, what if I am wrong? I doubted myself constantly. I wonder if all of you faced that, the fact that you ‘know’ your spouse, you can look backward in time and see that the ‘other’ IS different. We do deal with sadness, anger and grief. We do miss affection, tenderness, attention and the ‘knowing’ each other and being able to read reactions, privately, in fun or weird situations. Our best friend & confidante is no longer. We do have so much weight on our shoulders with no one to help us with some tough decisions about now and even worse some horrible decisions that come with time.
@kathyduggan said that she waits to announce things, I agree with that. So many times someone will bring up a certain thing and I shudder and think ‘oh! Why did you bring THAT up?’ We will never get past that!’
My husband is still pretty independent & takes very good care of himself on his own, but he is definitely not ok. I miss him so much and feel the gamut of the feelings you all feel. What a journey this is. I’m glad I’ve found a place to vent where I feel heard and felt.
Peace and love to all of you.