Dealing with adult son with mental health: Parents want to share?

The past month has been especially rough. He has been manic and raging one day and crying and depressed the next. He has been very attached to me, demanding my undivided attention. He came into my room while I was watching a movie, brought his blanket and a video game and basically wanted to lay all over me like a child. After about the 10th time he had asked me what he could eat and rejecting all of my suggestions I finally said "I don't know, you've been whining and complaining for the last hour. You figure it out.' Then he started crying, saying that he was just trying to hang out with me. I tried to apologize and offer to go to the kitchen and make him some food, but by then the raging and screaming started. I blew it by engaging in the argument. I said something like you're 24 years old stop acting like a child, and he turned that into I don't love him anymore, don't want his hugs, and have broken his heart into a million pieces that can never be repaired. For 30 minutes he screamed about what a terrible person I am and has now gone to his room not speaking to me. I texted him a formal apology taking full responsibility for what I said. I feel like crap! All because I wanted to finish a movie. 😔

So sorry. I understand completely. The ache, the never knowing if it will ever be ok. My son is staying with a friend thousands of miles from me. Or, that is what I think. I honestly don’t know anything for sure. His last visit here was strange. He isn’t my son mentally. He’s like an angry stranger. I’m not seeing any future with him … not like we were. Why? Why my baby? I know it’s not his fault. My husband and daughter are angry with him. He has no control over these thoughts. God help him. God help us all. I hurt with you riverbendab. No one can understand this pain unless you have lived it.

I am not happy at all seeing other Moms going through what I am. But it makes me feel not so alone.
I believe he is abusing prescription drugs...and is getting more from an other physician who is in Canada. My son lived there for 3 years before moving to the mid-west in the states. I found old prescriptions from 2024 and pharmacy bags with the names of a couple of amphetamines - all from Canada when visiting me. Yes, I snooped. So, he smartly has 2 medical providers prescribing the same drugs. The prescription bags had his old Canadian address on them as well as the sessions he had with his Canadian provider. I knew he was abusing...but thought he was getting them from the dark web or even from a supplier who might live in his condo. I never thought he was using his old psychiatrist or PCP from Canada and this doctor and the pharmacy simply think he is still living in Canada. He gets a 6 month supply...I thought "how does he pick up these drugs?" I figured out he simply flies there (not a long trip) or even drives there...he must pick them up personally and uses cash. I found 4 pharmacy bags with prices. He is actually paying about $1600 for these drugs at a clip to avoid insurance and credit cards charges. Pretty slick, right? I am beyond heartbroken but I know from previous talks (before I knew about Canada) he does not want to give up these drugs. He is visiting me right now. In the mornings clearly he has crashed. Refuses to speak to me and hides in his bedroom, often complains of headaches. By late afternoon he is animated, laughing and talking. But I can see he is still not himself. As a loving Mom I can not let this go. But how to confront him? His father, my ex is totally useless. He has a severe personality disorder and says he will do this & that to help him - and always always does nothing. He lives in the South. I know my son will explore when I talk to him...thinking of writing a letter to him. He sees a therapist periodically but b/c of his addition - misses a lot of sessions. This is about his 6th therapist since moving to the mid-west 3 years ago. Yes, he had 2 major traumas...and went down the rabbit hole and turned to drugs to self-medicate. I thought he had the strength to pick himself up despite it all and make choices to improve his life. No, we went the other way. He is a debating and argues with me on every point. He should have been a lawyer. He can twist everything around to NOT make anything his fault or responsibility. It always comes back to me. I don't want to lose my only child. I love him unconditionally. But he could die from what he is doing. And the thing is - he does not care. I am beyond sick over this. I know exactly what the other Moms are feeling as they are in my shoes. No one else really does...except my therapist. Who tells me he is an adult and only he can change his life. But when? There seems to be no hope.

Hello @renee8466, I would like to add my welcome along with @dlydailyhope and others. I'm sorry to say that I have had similar experiences with my son who is now 55 but doing much better than those early years, mainly because his treatments have changed for the better over the years and he is now much better. What helped my wife and I during those tough years that you are now experiencing was finding a local support group where we could talk with other parents going through similar experiences. The National Alliance for Mental Illness (NAMI) has some information on finding support that I think could be helpful for you and your son - https://www.nami.org/support-education/support-groups/.

Have you thought about talking with his doctors or care team for suggestions, or trying to find a local support group?

I am not happy at all seeing other Moms going through what I am. But it makes me feel not so alone.
I believe he is abusing prescription drugs...and is getting more from an other physician who is in Canada. My son lived there for 3 years before moving to the mid-west in the states. I found old prescriptions from 2024 and pharmacy bags with the names of a couple of amphetamines - all from Canada when visiting me. Yes, I snooped. So, he smartly has 2 medical providers prescribing the same drugs. The prescription bags had his old Canadian address on them as well as the sessions he had with his Canadian provider. I knew he was abusing...but thought he was getting them from the dark web or even from a supplier who might live in his condo. I never thought he was using his old psychiatrist or PCP from Canada and this doctor and the pharmacy simply think he is still living in Canada. He gets a 6 month supply...I thought "how does he pick up these drugs?" I figured out he simply flies there (not a long trip) or even drives there...he must pick them up personally and uses cash. I found 4 pharmacy bags with prices. He is actually paying about $1600 for these drugs at a clip to avoid insurance and credit cards charges. Pretty slick, right? I am beyond heartbroken but I know from previous talks (before I knew about Canada) he does not want to give up these drugs. He is visiting me right now. In the mornings clearly he has crashed. Refuses to speak to me and hides in his bedroom, often complains of headaches. By late afternoon he is animated, laughing and talking. But I can see he is still not himself. As a loving Mom I can not let this go. But how to confront him? His father, my ex is totally useless. He has a severe personality disorder and says he will do this & that to help him - and always always does nothing. He lives in the South. I know my son will explore when I talk to him...thinking of writing a letter to him. He sees a therapist periodically but b/c of his addition - misses a lot of sessions. This is about his 6th therapist since moving to the mid-west 3 years ago. Yes, he had 2 major traumas...and went down the rabbit hole and turned to drugs to self-medicate. I thought he had the strength to pick himself up despite it all and make choices to improve his life. No, we went the other way. He is a debating and argues with me on every point. He should have been a lawyer. He can twist everything around to NOT make anything his fault or responsibility. It always comes back to me. I don't want to lose my only child. I love him unconditionally. But he could die from what he is doing. And the thing is - he does not care. I am beyond sick over this. I know exactly what the other Moms are feeling as they are in my shoes. No one else really does...except my therapist. Who tells me he is an adult and only he can change his life. But when? There seems to be no hope.

I know that feeling as i have a 41 son that is self medicating,refuse to go to the doctor and get help,he is now homeless and jobless and behind bars for breaching an order due to mental health.He is in the process of losing everything and still refusing help.I am at my wits end and my back is against the wall...looking for advice and suggestions from parents that are and have gone thru this...Stay strong everyone!!

I just book 2 books which were highly recommended on Amazon, haven't started them yet.
One will probably not be helpful to you...maybe to others dealing with adult children... "Doing Life with Your Adult Children."

This one might be helpful to you - "When your Adult Child Breaks your Heart -coping with mental illness, substance abuse and the Problems That Tear Families Apart." Written by Joel L. Young MD, with Christine Adamec.

Also, Nar-Anon for family support or NAMI might be helpful also.
I am in your shoes. It is truly heart-breaking. Wishing you all the best as you travel this road no parent ever wants to be on.

I know that feeling as i have a 41 son that is self medicating,refuse to go to the doctor and get help,he is now homeless and jobless and behind bars for breaching an order due to mental health.He is in the process of losing everything and still refusing help.I am at my wits end and my back is against the wall...looking for advice and suggestions from parents that are and have gone thru this...Stay strong everyone!!