Caregiver for spouse with MCI (Mild cognitive impairment)

My husband, diagnosed with MCI 3 years ago, drivers license taken away several months ago, wants to do a chainsaw carving on a 15ft tall tree stump and would involve using scaffolding. In the past he did some nice carvings, safely, and professionally. He is quite angry with me for telling him that I don’t want him to take on this job.
He won’t drop the subject. I’m prepared to do anything possible to make sure that he can’t move forward on this. I feel like I’m the person who actively limits what can bring him joy, but common sense prevails. This will go from bad to ugly and I’m just dreading the fallout. Any advice on how to redirect? I’m hoping that he will just forget that he wants to do this. I feel horrible that I have to “be the bad guy”

I’m in the same situation. I found my husband on the roof the other day. Last week he climbed a ladder to cut down a tree. I refused to spot him while he tried to measure the roof hanging outside a window. Fortunately he relented and found a safer way. My question is how do you stop them when it’s clear that what they’re doing is dangerous?

Oh, that sounds absolutely frightening. It is so emotionally exhausting trying to save them from themselves every day. The only way to attempt to stop them is to stand firm. When I have to run out for a quick errand or a short walk I either bring him with or pray that he stays put with a safe activity. I encourage him to call friends to chat ( he loves talking on the phone). I try to distract him with other activities. With home maintenance, either I do it, or with your case re: the roof, call a buddy to be on scene to talk sense into him, or tell him that I will hire a professional to do the project. I completely understand your concerns. It feels like you are training a toddler not to touch the stove 24/7.

My husband fell off the roof. He acted like it was not that bad. He held on the gutter and then dropped to the ground . I gave him a piece of my mind. "I said do you what to get a head injury and he smiled". This was before he was diagnosed with Parkinsons. Uggh I thought how can he take his life for granted? Our roof is 12 ft. high. He was looking at the chimney?!?

You must have untold strength. It has been 3 years of dealing with this. Yes you are correct MCI is as you assumed. I find that taking over his role as far as finances and important decisions go is challenging as he was always my ROCk an could always count on his decisions and help. I am dealing with depression and anxiety, but I can't find a way out as of yet. I am under treatment but find I cannot talk to him about how I feel which would make him feel irresponsible. I would appreciate any insight anyone could give.

Hi,
My partner has MCI, a stroke, and leukemia. He is furious and often furious with me (because he won't talk to anyone else). He won't let me help with our finances and is racking up late payment debt because he can't remember how to use the bank software. Then he blames me. I don't know where to go for help. He hates everyone. He seems to think I am trying to take all his money--this happens a lot at night and I go to bed and try to sleep and am rather frantic after one of his fits, then he seems to forget it and I am left with fear.
I don't know what to do when he goes on one of his rants. If I ignore him that's wrong. If I try to talk to him, that's wrong. What is the best and kindest thing to do without lying to him?

@athena2023 oh, my, how difficult for you! Has this been going on for awhile? I’m thinking that maybe a conversation with a doctor might help. This behavior could be the result of medications. Do you think his doctor would talk to you?

Thanks for your response. He had a stroke about five years ago that affected his right frontal lobe. He refuses to see the doctors except his cancer doctor, so the stroke has gone largely untreated as he thinks the neurologist is a "Shrink" no matter how many times I tell him the neurologist is an MD who deals with nerves. He wont' take any medicine and thinks all doctors are out to get him because he had his stroke in the hospital undergoing a bone marrow biopsy for cancer diagnoses. I pray a lot! And, no, I don't think he doctor will talk to me. They don't even really talk to him, only ask how he's doing, say, hmmm, and take his blood tests. His leukemia is in MRD. Any ideas?

You are in a terrible situation and you need help! I like honesty too, but if a few lies would make life easier for you--and therefore for him--maybe you should allow yourself that latitude. There is help for caregivers all over the place, including this site. Some social workers specialize in just this sort of thing. Do a little digging until you come up with someone who will listen to you. Good luck to you. We all need it.

His testing came back normal aging with moderate ADD. So we will be changing his ADD medication needs!