Dealing with a Spouse with a “Mild Cognitive Impairment”

Hi @agnes01, I just want to say welcome. You're so right that not knowing the future can create a lot of anxiety. Glad you came here to learn with others. Things will change, always. Your biggest challenge is adapting to those changes. But you're not alone.

When a new frustration, complication, or behavior leads to you asking questions, now you have a place to find answers, share or just plain vent.

How are you and your husband doing today?

If you want to try, the alone time I found was to set my cell phone alarm on low volume on the bedside table next to my head and set it for a time that I knew I would have at least an hour before he normally woke up. I’d slide carefully out of bed, tiptoe to the door, gently ease it open and closed, go to the bathroom, then go make coffee, which I would enjoy in a chair next to a window and use my I-pad to read a newspaper, do a puzzle, read the daily e-mailed Guideposts- whatever felt relaxing.
Ya gotta do what ya gotta do 🤣😂

I just googled "spouse with cognitive decline" and found this site. I relate to so much I'm reading! My husband has various serious health issues that have been ongoing for approximately 5 years and, after noticing several changes in him, I talked to our doctor. She referred us pronto to a memory care doctor who diagnosed mild cognitive decline. He is normally stubborn and can be difficult, this makes it worse. 🙁 I get so very frustrated with him. At the moment, he is insisting on doing our taxes - which I made clear I don't think it's a good idea and want to get a tax accountant. He won't hear of it - he wants to prove to himself he can still do it. He has been hospitalized twice in the last 6 months so physically he is still not his best - which exacerbates his mental health. I'm tired of the arguments, the nastiness, the wanting his own way (at my expense!). How does one cope with this daily?

I just googled "spouse with cognitive decline" and found this site. I relate to so much I'm reading! My husband has various serious health issues that have been ongoing for approximately 5 years and, after noticing several changes in him, I talked to our doctor. She referred us pronto to a memory care doctor who diagnosed mild cognitive decline. He is normally stubborn and can be difficult, this makes it worse. 🙁 I get so very frustrated with him. At the moment, he is insisting on doing our taxes - which I made clear I don't think it's a good idea and want to get a tax accountant. He won't hear of it - he wants to prove to himself he can still do it. He has been hospitalized twice in the last 6 months so physically he is still not his best - which exacerbates his mental health. I'm tired of the arguments, the nastiness, the wanting his own way (at my expense!). How does one cope with this daily?

I just googled "spouse with cognitive decline" and found this site. I relate to so much I'm reading! My husband has various serious health issues that have been ongoing for approximately 5 years and, after noticing several changes in him, I talked to our doctor. She referred us pronto to a memory care doctor who diagnosed mild cognitive decline. He is normally stubborn and can be difficult, this makes it worse. 🙁 I get so very frustrated with him. At the moment, he is insisting on doing our taxes - which I made clear I don't think it's a good idea and want to get a tax accountant. He won't hear of it - he wants to prove to himself he can still do it. He has been hospitalized twice in the last 6 months so physically he is still not his best - which exacerbates his mental health. I'm tired of the arguments, the nastiness, the wanting his own way (at my expense!). How does one cope with this daily?

I was in the same boat with the taxes and this is how I worked around it. I told my husband that he needed to have the taxes done and filed by a date certain….and if he missed that date, I was going to make an appointment with HR Block. He agreed.

Well, 3 weeks went by and he had made NO efforts to do them. So I told him, we’re getting close to the deadline. I am going to go on-line to make an appointment with HR Block “just in case.”He agreed. HR Block assigned us a Tax Advisor and we were encouraged to start uploading documents in advance of our appointment….but had still not committed to having HR Block prepare them. And then our Tax Advisor said, “I have everything I need. Can I start preparing your returns.” At this point, I did NOT consult my husband and simply said to the Tax Advisor, “Go ahead.” I then waited until my husband was in a good mood and relaxed later in the evening and said “Hey! HR Block said that they have everything that they need from us and can prepare the return and we can just review and sign it at our scheduled appointment. It seems so easy so I just told him to go ahead,” And my husband agreed!

I actually think that my husband knew that he would have trouble preparing our tax returns but was too proud to admit it….and I gave him an easy way to hand off that responsibility to someone else. Just a suggestion to see if it can work for you,