Dealing with adult son with mental health: Parents want to share?

O my goodness Aimee...the similarity between our sons mental health situation and ourselves in trying to cope, deal and manage our heartbreaks is unbelievable. So glad I found you.
Yes, I would like to maintain contact with you. Perhaps we can do private chats?
Not sure exactly how to set that up. I am going away this weekend...but will touch base with you again.
Thank you dearly for sharing your story!
Will reach out again.

I called the police Monday because my son was threatening and physically fighting with us. 42 vrs 70. Over cleaning out my closet. He is basically doing a swedish death clean without my input. He is throwing out my stuff, upsetting the whole house by moving from project to project. If I say I want to go through it, he says I am a hoarder and I don't need it. I am not a hoarder, I have season things in a basement.
In recent days he has held a knife to his neck, first time I talked him down , second time I called police and they took him in. Now he calls me every 1/2 hr to bully me to tell them I lied and to get him released.
He scares us with his instant rage towards us, If a conversation doesn't go his way. I am hoping they don't release him today, and they are able to help him. I believe he will say what he has to do leave. They said not to answer his calls if they upset me, but I am trying to get him to understand my views, but he twists the truth to suit him. He calls to tell me he hates me, I say why are you calling me, your all I have. And he ends call crying.

This is truly a difficult and serious situation. He is/was a threat to you and himself. He can not be released until he is mentally stabilized and it sounds like there is a lot of psychiatric work to do on him to achieve this goal and this will take time. Do not accept him home and talk to his treatment team at the hospital to voice all your fears & confirm he will continued to be held in the hospital. At this point, he will NOT understand your views. Stop trying. The crying is a manipulation for you to feel sorry for him. It's sad to say, I know, but don't put any stock in this. I obviously don't know his history, is this "new" behavior or he has a long time history of unstable mental disorders? I am assuming he must have an outpatient psychiatrist and therapist if living at home with you. Did he stop his medications and this is a decompensation? The team is right, don't accept his calls as he remains unstable with hostility directed at you. If you do accept his calls and he becomes inappropriate with you kindly tell him so and "I am going to hang up now, you are being inappropriate with me" Did you have a treatment team meeting yet? Family members and his team to discuss his treatment plan. Reach out for help, you must have heard of NAMI or see what the hospital can offer. Usually they have support groups for the loved ones who are devastated and at the end of their ropes, with their hospitalized mentally unstable loved ones. You need to help yourself to cope and accept who he is. Hard as it is. Get yourself into therapy to learn coping techniques so at age 70 YOUR life can be has happy as possible. I know the heartbreak of a mentally ill son. But protect yourself...he certainly is dangerous. He can NOT be released until he is stable and this will take time...perhaps months.
A family member, a Mom (age 80) was living with her mentally unstable son...bipolar w/personality disorders. He would spit at her, frighten her, etc. etc. Finally after his brother and sister intervened again and again to protect their mother - he was placed in a group/nursing home. He is 62 now. He caused his mother grief for years. And since his placement away from Mom & the home, refuses to take her calls & never calls her. Of course, she is destroyed by this BUT is managing to live a life NOT consumed by this son, thanks to lots of emotional support. At age 42 your son is an adult. It is UNFAIR for you to live your life with him in terror. Discuss placement with his treatment team now. See what the options can be. I know you will never stop loving him...but when you think about it - his living at home with you in such a mental state is NOT helping him. And making YOU sick. Be loving, be supportive to him. You can NOT change him. He needs mental health professionals to do this. Let them and INSIST on it - despite what your son will say! Mental illness is so very sad. A terrible loss...for the parents, family, all loved ones and, of course, the patient. BUT even with his disability he can have a better life. Help is out there for him, however, HE must help HIMSELF. No one else. You/he just need to be pointed in the right directions. Be strong, pray for him. But DO NOT ignore your own physical & emotional well being. This is a very bitter pill to swallow, to accept. But you are not alone. Reach out to other parents who are going thru the same with their adult children. Believe me, there are plenty of us!
It is literally a day at a time. And should he resist all help?...there is nothing you can do about this, you can't control him - only yourself. Please help yourself, be well and reach out to other Moms who are exactly in your shoes. The very best to you!

I order for us together our son help, we did a 5150 and stipulated he could not return to our house as we were frightened he would hurt us, himself or do damage to our house which he did.
He went through a county program for 9 months and is stable and doing well.
He does have relapses but once back on his meds, talking to his Drs he has more control.
If he can get into a program there is hope.
I’m so sorry what you’re going through. We’ve been there for the past 16 years. It is heartbreaking to see, hear, and deal with psychosis and your loved one is not the same as before his illness surfaced. Get yourself a support group. NAMI is a great resource. So is Buckelew if they have that where you live.

Gosh my heart hurts. I divorced when my three boys were 7, 10, and 14. Now 27 years later, my oldest suffers with drug addiction, my middle suffers with alcoholism, and my youngest, although shows issues dealing with anger, is a well adjusted adult with a successful job, and family. He has given me my only grand baby. The divorce wrecked my kiddos and the older two have reminded me with every negative issue they experience, that all is my fault! They didn’t ask to be born! I wrecked their family by divorce! I am a whore! I am a drunk! I am an alcoholic! I am none of these things - I am a Gulf War Veteran with PTSD from Military Sexual Trauma. I have helped myself and have undergone extensive therapy. Still do. But my heart breaks with these boys and I feel guilty. I keep going back and I keep getting the same messages from them that I am at fault. They will not accept adult responsibility for any of their actions today now 30 and 33.

I understand exactly how you feel!