Dealing with adult son with mental health: Parents want to share?
My 39 y. o. son suffered 2 major losses since April 2022 & has never been the same since. He is under the care of a psychiatrist & taking trintellix & adderall which are not helping. Gradually he became more & more isolated and suspicious of all - including his parents. His therapist for 2 years recently started a new position so he has none. And not interested in getting another. I believe he checks off almost every symptom of Paranoid Personality Disorder. I live in the east, he's in the midwest, not married, living alone. I must walk on egg shells with him, an innocent remark becomes an argument. He is never wrong, but everyone else is. Recently we had a blow up over the phone, he didn't like the way I asked him a question, saying I was "abusive"...he now refuses to have any contact with me. He is my only child, our entire lives we have always been so close. His Dad & I are divorced for 17 years. His relationship with him, worse than mine. Hasn't seen him in 1 yr. I am so depressed & heart-broken. I have reached out kindly to him since the blow up & no response. I can't talk to his psychiatrist due to HIPPA laws but thought I could...but he can not talk to me about him. His mental health clinic will not allow it. He did a complete 360 with his life, unrecognizable to everyone who knew & loves him. He is very paranoid. I don't know what to do - how to help him and the longer he doesn't contact me the worse it will be.
This is impacting my entire life...I am 69 y.o. and so very sad my beautiful son has now developed this truly awful personality disorder.
Any thoughts from other Moms going thru this, greatly appreciated.
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I am so afraid that I am doing more damage than good. I am afraid to see a team remove him from the house. He will never trust me and may hate me. I am so scared call!
You can not reason with him so don't even try. From what you wrote it sounds like he has a diagnosis of Paranoid Schizophrenia. And with that decrease in Haldol, no matter how small, it can certainly not help - but increase symptoms.
A good response for you would be something like "I understand you feel that way but I am not hearing any voices now but I know you do". Of course, said in a very gentle, non-confrontation way. Bringing him back to reality - right now, is not possible. Do not confront him or say anything to the effect "you are very sick, there are no voices". It will not help but hurt the situation. Be accepting, supportive and loving. Distractions of any kind might help him ground himself(?) Right now is there anyone (family, friend, religious support, etc.) you can speak to and let them know of your present situation with your son? You need support, if nothing else they can provide you.
I more than hear you about calling 911 yourself. No parent wants to be the "bad" guy, no parent wants to feel they "betrayed" their child. An extremely difficult situation. Try calling a local chapter of NAMI who can advise you.
And certainly notify his psychiatrist and therapist if he has one, does your son have a hospital "portal" in which you an even email his treatment team? Is he associated with a mental health clinic?
Call them and report everything going on with him and you fear of calling 911. They should advise you.
In situations exactly like yours - ALL families are in a terrible dilemma. Try to put the "onus" on a professional in calling 911. You are living with him. Try to step back and correctly judge his situation. He is deteriorating?
Are the voices increasing? Is his paranoia increasing? Is he taking his medications? Is he sleeping, eating...is he in a constant state of agitation? Threatening to you or others? As hard as this is, if all what I just wrote is true...an intervention is warranted.
Try to reach out to someone to start action. I don't have to tell you he needs help. His psychiatrist must know that his/her recent medication adjusted for him has had a negative effect on his mental status - not positive.
His doctor must know this! All the best.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I feel like my resources are failing me. Friday I had reached out to NAMI explained the situation. They connected me with the BEST Team. After I explained the situation during the intake call, they said some one would call me back. They never did. Rior weeks I've called his psychiatrist office annd asked for his dr. To call me. Afterall I was on the phone when he suggested de reasing his meds. He never followed up on him afterwards. He has called me back in the past. I've had it with him.. He has set my son up for a relapse! I'm trying to get a referral for him to see someone else for medication mgmnt. He isn't agitated. He does sleep late and has an appetite. It's the voices that concerns me. I do have support from my family. But at the end of the day, the ball is in my court and I'm struggling with it!
So sorry to hear you reached out to NAMI and his doctor with no success. Sadly this happens a lot.
Of course, you could simply go to NAMI family meetings for supprt but you need help now.
If it was me, I would try his psychiatrist office again and ask to speak to a RN if he has one...or if associated with a clinic, a RN or the office manager, to voice my concerns and lack of communication from his doctor.
Yes, do continue to get a referral from another physician for medication management. Would his PCP be of any help in hooking you up to a new psychiatrist? If you explain your situation to your son's primary care physician he/she "might" be able to do something.
I have been in your shoes. And I have always found if I ran into walls, I would speak to the RN in charge/supervisor or office manager in charge. I would by-pass the doctor and reach out to supervisors, etc.
They don't want to hear complaints...and perhaps I am bias but I always feel a supervising/in charge RN can get results.
Hang in there..."try" not to stress. I know - so easy to say.
Well I have a hard truth that is usually tied to addiction. Let go let God. I believe it means get help for you. What happens to your son is out of your control. If we have comorbities including psychiatric ones it is our responsibility to seek and get appropriate care and then follow the treatment plan.I am still being taught thjs lesson .Let go let God. I do not control others. I am a retired nurse. Was RN. It took many therapy lessons to learn it is OK to let others fail.I havd many codependent traits . From the way I was raised and my career.i always have to work on this.
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Thank you! I never thought of doing that. I did call the office earlier to request a call back. Which won't be until the 2nd. So I will take your advice and speak to a supervisor or nurse. Ty