Dealing with adult son with mental health: Parents want to share?

Call your local chapter of NAMI - they can point you in the right direction.
Check your insurance for therapists who are in network so you just pay a co-pay.
Reach out to people you can trust...you need support one way or another.
There are lots of resources out there. It might take some time to get your ball rolling but don't give up.
Remember, your son is still young, how he thinks in his early 20s will change as he gets closer to 30.
But in the meantime you are NOT going to just sit and wait for him to come around...you need support and coping skills now. Give the burden to God, trust in HIM he will help you. Let go, control the controllable.
Which really means - you can only control yourself and your perspective. Wishing you the very best.

My son has the same dx. I dont know how to help him. His Psychiatrist is useless. I've called and asked for help but he hasn't returned my call. Now my son is in fear of someone hurting me and is suggesting that we move. He says I am in denial. He says gangs want him to join the group and that they are just trying to make names for themselves. It's just too much to explain. He is such a kind soul. I just don't know how to help him. Everyone is suspicious too him. He thinks people are talking about him and sometimes he says he wants to say some thing to them.. I explain the consequences. But I am failing as a mom. I don't know what to do. He doesn't want to be in a group because " he doesn't want to hear all their problems".

@amotherslove2

Welcome to Connect, as you can tell by comments, you are not alone in trying to help a child with mental health problems.

Your son's psychiatrist may not call back because of HIPPA laws. He cannot discuss your son condition with you without his permission which requires a signed form. How does your son feel about you discussing his situation with the psychiatrist?

Base on your comments, sounds like your son lives at home, but not sure of his age. Is he still in school?

Yes, I know I am not alone. Sadly. I really need help in how to "help" him. It is heartbreaking to watch.
First, believe it or not he is 40 years old and lives alone & works in the mid-west, I am on the east coast. I see him about 4x per year. I am almost 70.
Right now here, visiting for Christmas and it's painfully obvious he is depressed. I asked him 1x for permission to speak with his psychiatrist and he said "no". I am fully aware of HIPPA laws. I will try again...he is an adult and clearly doesn't want "Mom" involved at all. Ironically I spent the last 25 years of my nursing career working in mental health. So, he actually is more educated than most on mental illness - from me. He will challenge his therapist, find fault with them and move to the next - and repeat. Right now no therapist. As you know, his psychiatrist just does medication management & nothing seems to be working. We both have heard of treatment resistant depression. He becomes very annoyed if I try to talk to him as to "what's going on?". He was never like this, always fully engaged in life, bright and attended the best schools, he has a MBA - he had 2 major triggers at age 37 1/2, transferred against his will to another job which he loved (his new boss was jealous he excelled so well...- & doesn't care for what he is doing now, same company) and the sudden loss of his best friend of 30 years. He is paralyzed with depression and grief. Saw a grief therapist and also keeps changing because of this or that. Doesn't stick with any therapist and clearly needs a good one. Lost all his friends except one and my guess that's not going to last either. He wants isolation. He works from home...he must as he has high expenses where he lives. And on weekends just sleeps them away. His pattern is typical depression, up for coffee then back to bed to sleep (& he does sleep, always complaining how "tired" he is... until 4 or so and them will take a shower and go out on errands). He is at his "best" - if you want to call it that in the evenings. He sees his medical doctors...some health issues but nothing contributing to his depression...yet. No surprise, he does not take care of his physical or spiritual health. Nothing makes him happy. Doesn't care about anyone or anything (of course he does for me & father, but sometimes barely, we are divorced, he was 21 when we divorced, he's an only child w/no cousins his age). He lost his entire group of friends who would have supported him, they loved him but this he choose). I am very physically & mentally sick over this. I am seeing a therapist myself and she is helping me to only some extent. Tells me he is on his "own journey" in life and he is an "adult" & only he can figure this all out. I get that. But when it's your child - no matter their ages, good mothers suffer. I have had a headache or migraine every day since he arrived. There is no laughter here and no meaningful conversation...
He will return home and be exactly the same. Nothing or no-one is turning him around to the person he "use to be". It will be 3 years in April he is like this. I know about NAMI, of course, my local chapter is a bit away from me. Hopefully I will get there in 2025. Any thoughts you may have, might be helpful. Thank you.

@briarrose
Thanks for responding and telling your story. Sounds like you have done everything possible and glad you have a therapist to talk to. With your background, you know hard treating mental illness can be. I had sister who refused treatment, and finally my therapist said I had to back away. There is a level of guilt that you cannot fix or do more, but you have to understand your limits.

The fact he came home to visit for Christmas I think is a good sign. Sounds like you have done everything possible, do not make his visit unpleasant, you would hate to have him stop visiting.

Is there any activity you could do together? Is there something around house you need done that you can ask him to help with? Any type of pleasant activity with no pressure.

Thank you Laurie for your support and kind words. Yes, I know you are right...having experienced all you did with your sister, you know exactly what I speak of.

Good advice on doing something around the house together. However, often times he is not interested...I asked him to help me with my computer on a simple issue but there was a problem and he just let it go. I won't ask him again.
But I do know what you mean and I will certainly try with something else. Thanks, again.

My son is 29 and lives with me. We've had zoom calls with Dr. But my concern is that it took him so long to get managed with the right med and his Dr. Decided to reduce the Haldol. All because my son said he felt like he was on viagra. Now he thinks the cartel owns our apartment and I am in danger. He meets me after work. Concerned about my safety. He even suggested we move or to get a gun. I don't know how to help him. He needs all his meds. Now he thinks he is fine and not "crazy".

With the reduction in Haldol it could be causing an increase in paranoid thinking. Don't know what his baseline is. But these thoughts of "danger, cartel, moving/your safety and getting a gun" are alarming.
I would certainly contact his psychiatrist now to report this. No surprise he thinks he is "fine & not crazy".
Another indication to call his physician. That's how you can help him...but also be alert if his paranoia increases to the point it is directed at YOU. If you feel you are in danger with him, you are. 911 must be called - however hard it is to do to your son. Or his psychiatrist (or therapist can be notified) and they can call 911 or send out a crisis intervention team to assess him if he needs to be evaluated in the psychiatric ER or inpatient hospitalization. This situation is extremely difficult and I more than understand and feel for you. But any increase in paranoia is cause for alarm and interventions. You are not doing him a favor by just accepting it. Professionals need to evaluate him - they will know the correct course of action to take. All the best.

Thank you. I will call his psychiatrist again and see if he reacts. I've tried to change his Dr. But no one is accepting new patients. Thank you.

Question. How do I respond to my son when the paranoia starts? Like hearing things. Is there a good way to reasoning or an easier way to bring him back to reality. He says I just don't get it and that I am in denial.