How do I deal with my husband? Transplant patient changed demeanor

Hi, I just saw your story and as a Heart transplant recipient myself I can relate to how transplants can change someone. I remember early in my treatment that I was a bit short tempered the first few weeks after transplant. For me it resolved itself when I reduced my medications down from the high levels I started on. Prednisone is the culprit for mood swings. Luckly for me I was able to completely get off of that one. If he is still on it, it may be a factor in his mood. I would suggest if He had his transplant at mayo for you to contact the social worker dept. Im sure His Doctors would like to know your concerns. I know my team asks about my wife at every visit. She joins me most of the time but due to some Hip surgery it has become difficult but this last yearly visit she joined into the conversation by cell phone. So my prayers are with you and as someone else said God knows your situation. Prayer is a powerful tool that you have at your disposal.
Blessings

I feel bad for you. A lot of people assume that after a transplant you must be feeling great again, but as you know, that really doesn’t happen. He might be lashing out cos he feels guilty that he can’t do the same things anymore, and isn’t fun anymore. (I feel guilty every day)
Hopefully, as time goes by, things will improve.
Good luck and hugs.

I am a Lung transplant recipient, my wife is my primary care giver, she has had to tell me no several times so I don’t over do it. An observation that may or may not be a part of your experience is that if your husband was the “bread winner”, or made most of the decisions in your marriage, now these rolls have changed. He may resent giving up his “power” to you. My experience has been that I was not in a position to both be the bread winner or make decisions post transplant due to both the surgery and the anti rejection medications. Recovering, and healing, from major surgery prevents returning to work. The anti rejection medications affected my decision making especially in the beginning when the doses were higher. As the medications reduced I have seen that looking back it was better that my wife took on the roll of “Head of Household” This is hard for some men to both accept, and let go of.
My suggestion would be to speak to your nurse co-ordinator, and doctor, to set up a session with the Psyciatrist to counsel you both together and individually. This journey to recovery, and back to a new normal is not an easy one. It also is not one he can navigate alone, is there a back-up caregiver if you are not in the picture, and are they ready and willing to take on the role? These are the things the transplant psychiatrist will be able to cover.
I hope this helps you, be sure to reach out to your Mayo Support Group.

Yes ma’am something you may bring up to him is that he doesn’t need to allow you to take the role from him permanently, it would only be for the time that he needs for recovery, this would be determined by his medical team. This would be something the Psychiatrist and/or the doctor could talk with him about. Once they determine he can either start taking on more, or give him a complete release then he would be back just like before. This is not an attempt to make him less of a man, it will enable him to make a better and faster recovery.

Thank you and I will try talking with my husband about his meds and see if it can make a difference with him reaching out to change his prednisone meds

I believe it will, I myself was not aware of my mood change at first. So don't be surprised if your Husband my not think it will affect him. When I was getting the training on the different medications is when I found out about the side affects. So if you had similar paperwork, it should show the fact it can change someone mood. Good Luck. I know us guys can be a bit stubborn at times. But I can't deny its right there in black and white.
God Bless

He is not willing to see a psychiatrist. He say it's me and he just want out of the marriage. I ask him was he really wanting to give up 20 years of marriage because we hit a rough place and he said yes.
So I am going to give him want He wants. Thank you for the recommendation.

I have read about his medications side effects and moon changes are among a few of those. He is aware of the side effects too. I can't help him if he shuts me down. He thinks he can be better without me, so I am going to respect his feelings. Thank you