Help - I am burned out and dealing with someone who is stubborn

Well all those concerns are gone now. My husband passed on Sunday the 23rd. He ended up being in a Good Samartian House which is a part of hospice. He was only there for 5 days when he passed. But it was a wonderful place and I know he got the pain meds and care that he needed. Thank God for them.

Well all those concerns are gone now. My husband passed on Sunday the 23rd. He ended up being in a Good Samartian House which is a part of hospice. He was only there for 5 days when he passed. But it was a wonderful place and I know he got the pain meds and care that he needed. Thank God for them.

Any one on here who has to deal with a stubborn, hardheaded partner? My husband has late stage iv lung cancer and advanced COPD. He has had two chemoimmunotherapy treatments so far. His symptoms after wards have not been good. He vomits daily and can't eat anything without throwing up afterwards. He has been given compazine which did not seem to work for him. Now he has zprexa and zofran. Just got those ones yesterday. Hopefully he will start to feel better. But what makes me angry is that he won't try anything I suggest. Was going to make him peppermint tea with honey. He told me he does not like tea. There is boost in the frig which he won't drink. We have gingerale. He did try once, but threw up shortly after drinking it. I suggested crackers and he said he did not like crackers because they are dry. I said I can add oyster crackers to you soup. They will get soggy. He said NO. He never drinks water. Only coffee and milk. Bought him gatorade and he said I don't like it. He won't drink milkshakes. Did make him two weeks ago and he said he did not want to drink them anymore. I am at my wit's end. He weighs 92 pounds and is 5'10. It does not matter what I suggest, he doesn't like it or he makes some other excuse. I know that he is dehydrated but he won't even think about drinking water. We all do things that we don't like, but if it is going to help,, most of us will try it. Not him. And sorry to say, but I am TIRED of it. Last Sunday, I ordered ginger and peppermint tea from amazon. Guess I will be drinking it. Guess I will just have to watch him disintergrate into nothing but bones. Sorry for the rant.

I hear your frustration and underlying fear that you aren't doing enough. You are. The old adage "you can take a horse to water, but you can't make him drink" can be applied here. Hydration is so important; lack of it leads to UTI's. My husband suffers from ALZ is now in a Memory Care Facility. I visit daily and bring him a container of ice water with a straw and a small bag of potato chips. The chips make him thirsty, so he'll drink his water. Is it enough for the day? No. But it makes me feel like I've had a small win. He had a fall, broke his hip, and had to be in rehab. All of these setbacks caused him to lose more and more weight. With ALZ, his essence is long gone, but now I see him physically shrinking before my eyes. Think about tiny snacks like you would have for children. For example, cut a banana horizontally in half and slather with peanut butter. Put the halves back together and cut it into chunks. Freeze them to pop out for a snack. Little portions often work better. Vent away. It is essential for your mental health. I vented and shared on this forum for many months when I was caretaking for my husband at home. Reach out to those who have walked your walk. You are treading water and need a lifeline.

Oh Denise, I’m so sorry for your loss! It was a comfort to know he was getting the meds and pain care he needed at the hospice house to ease his discomfort. That’s the final gift of dignity we can give our loved ones. Knowing what a difficult time this is, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Gentle hug…

You are right. This group really does help. I am so glad that you survived your illness. I hope you are doing well. I still am feeling numb almost an otherworld feeling since my husband passed on Sunday. I just sit and my mind is blank almost. STill trying to process all that happened.

Thanks for responding. Glad that you understood my venting. But now my venting has turned into grief as my husband passed away on Sunday the 23rd. I knew it was coming soon. I took him to a good samaritan house which is part of hospice last wednesday and he passed sunday. But it was a wonderful place and he got the best care he could get. I think my husband weighed about 75 pounds if that when he passed. He suffered so much that I wish they could have gotten him in that place long before this. But I know he wouldn't have went. He did not want to go last week, but we told him it would only be for 3 days and that it would be a break for me. That is why he agreed to go. To give me a break. Little did he know that he would not be back. But at least he was no longer suffering and he was at peace. Now I grieve, then I feel relieved and then I feel guilty for feeling relieved. But like you said, I watched him fading away day by day. He kept falling and I could not always pick him up and I knew that I could not give him the care he needed. It was so hard to see him in that much pain but now he is at peace.

Let me offer my condolences. I hope you will find peace in knowing you did all you could do. Your husband knew he mattered and was loved. That is what we all want in this world. You matter too. I have been in a grief support group which I highly recommend. Sharing is the best way to find steady ground again. Clearly, your husband loved you and wanted to give you a break, so he would want you to go forward with your life. Take some time to regroup, but then start saying "yes" to things you never thought you'd enjoy. It is OK to have fun again; find what makes you happy and do it. You can do this. Women can do hard things.
A big hug to you.

I am very sorry for your grief and loss. Your emotions are quite normal and expected. In my case the advice do not doing anything for a year at least was not wise for me

Well all those concerns are gone now. My husband passed on Sunday the 23rd. He ended up being in a Good Samartian House which is a part of hospice. He was only there for 5 days when he passed. But it was a wonderful place and I know he got the pain meds and care that he needed. Thank God for them.