Help - I am burned out and dealing with someone who is stubborn

@kartwk I like your spunk! I have read back over your posts about different topics over the last few years & certainly you have had a lot to deal with. But you just seem to “put your big girl panties on” as they say. You keep moving forward.
Straight talk - your journey will not get easier. Especially physically. So let’s work smarter. Just reaching out to this blog site for help & venting is a huge step. 1st - have a discussion with your husband about your wills, both of your health situations, and what you both want. And remind him you love him. Pick a good time. Do not be discouraged if he can’t or won’t talk about any or all. This will give you an idea of his cognitive situation as often illnesses and lower oxygen and age can affect some. Then you need to make notes about your thoughts. From this combined “wants/needs” - you have a plan. Then you take the baby steps to implement it. For example - make your wills known to family members to get them off your backs. Too many people are not upfront & it makes it difficult for loved ones. If you and/or your husband value your physical independence, then get some help. Hire a kid or better yet a handyman or a service to help with yard work, cleaning the house or even shaking rugs. These little help tools make it easier for you both to stay healthy and prevent injuries - which reduce independence. Lastly - there is joy, bright moments, little things that can yield a smile that need to be found or made. Old friends, church members, Seniors Helping Seniors, local agencies, book clubs, a weekly center, volunteer, animal shelter, library, knitting, baking - the world is full of so much. There are 3 of you in this relationship that need to be taken care of - you, your husband and you as a couple. Make a list of the baby steps to be taken - not the giant leaps - and start crossing them off. Some will not be easy. A person once likened it to running a marathon - just do each mile and they will add up. I have done several - both literally & figuratively - never easy nor pretty. But here I am! Good luck & keep moving.

Your words" sometimes as a caretaker we don't get enough praise" hit a note with me this morning. I have a friend on the opposite coast who is caring for his wife with ALZ , so we are sharing our journey with our spouses. He sent me this email:
"Thank you. I bet you haven't heard that for a while."
Just a few words of encouragement sent out or received can change the trajectory of the day. I call my emails to friends in difficult situations my "atta boy/girl" notes.

I’d be concerned with him using equipment like that. Is it a riding mower? Difficult behavior, poor judgment, obsessions, etc. can be indicative of cognitive problems. Have you talked to your doctor about how you are doing? Take care of yourself. If it’s cognitive decline, it usually gets worse, not better. Seroquel helps my dad a little.

FWIW, about 6 months ago we were in the doc for the same stuff. His lungs. He asked the doc for another inhaler. Doc told him he had them all and there were no new ones, and that he claimed to have problems with and from all of them. He was upset and disappointed.

Yes, he has COPD and lung problems but I believe he is just always looking for something to be wrong with his lungs. He is always force upchucking something out of his lungs into kleenex so he can "evaluate" it. Almost constantly!

Any one on here who has to deal with a stubborn, hardheaded partner? My husband has late stage iv lung cancer and advanced COPD. He has had two chemoimmunotherapy treatments so far. His symptoms after wards have not been good. He vomits daily and can't eat anything without throwing up afterwards. He has been given compazine which did not seem to work for him. Now he has zprexa and zofran. Just got those ones yesterday. Hopefully he will start to feel better. But what makes me angry is that he won't try anything I suggest. Was going to make him peppermint tea with honey. He told me he does not like tea. There is boost in the frig which he won't drink. We have gingerale. He did try once, but threw up shortly after drinking it. I suggested crackers and he said he did not like crackers because they are dry. I said I can add oyster crackers to you soup. They will get soggy. He said NO. He never drinks water. Only coffee and milk. Bought him gatorade and he said I don't like it. He won't drink milkshakes. Did make him two weeks ago and he said he did not want to drink them anymore. I am at my wit's end. He weighs 92 pounds and is 5'10. It does not matter what I suggest, he doesn't like it or he makes some other excuse. I know that he is dehydrated but he won't even think about drinking water. We all do things that we don't like, but if it is going to help,, most of us will try it. Not him. And sorry to say, but I am TIRED of it. Last Sunday, I ordered ginger and peppermint tea from amazon. Guess I will be drinking it. Guess I will just have to watch him disintergrate into nothing but bones. Sorry for the rant.

Any one on here who has to deal with a stubborn, hardheaded partner? My husband has late stage iv lung cancer and advanced COPD. He has had two chemoimmunotherapy treatments so far. His symptoms after wards have not been good. He vomits daily and can't eat anything without throwing up afterwards. He has been given compazine which did not seem to work for him. Now he has zprexa and zofran. Just got those ones yesterday. Hopefully he will start to feel better. But what makes me angry is that he won't try anything I suggest. Was going to make him peppermint tea with honey. He told me he does not like tea. There is boost in the frig which he won't drink. We have gingerale. He did try once, but threw up shortly after drinking it. I suggested crackers and he said he did not like crackers because they are dry. I said I can add oyster crackers to you soup. They will get soggy. He said NO. He never drinks water. Only coffee and milk. Bought him gatorade and he said I don't like it. He won't drink milkshakes. Did make him two weeks ago and he said he did not want to drink them anymore. I am at my wit's end. He weighs 92 pounds and is 5'10. It does not matter what I suggest, he doesn't like it or he makes some other excuse. I know that he is dehydrated but he won't even think about drinking water. We all do things that we don't like, but if it is going to help,, most of us will try it. Not him. And sorry to say, but I am TIRED of it. Last Sunday, I ordered ginger and peppermint tea from amazon. Guess I will be drinking it. Guess I will just have to watch him disintergrate into nothing but bones. Sorry for the rant.

Don't be sorry. I have one of those at home, too and it IS very frustrating.!

I do too!Finds fault with everything that you do! Actually a few minutes ago he came in the bedroom and said he "loved me". Believe when I say , he only says this maybe once or twice a month. But I know he does. But sometimes the behaviors say the opposite!

Please don't be sorry! It is the hardest job you ever will have as a caregiver!! Have they thought about a gastric tube for his feedings. He definitely sounds dehydrated. I wish that I could say something to make you feel better. Hugs!