1. < Caregivers: Dementia
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Help! My husband refuses to shower. It’s been 2 weeks now.

Posted by cheryl16 @cheryl16, Dec 23, 2024

My husband who has mid stage Alzheimer’s just refuses to shower or bathe. He used to shower every morning but since his disease progressed, he refuses to get wet. He won’t even get near the shower and gets aggressive if pushed too hard. I thought I’d try getting into the shower with him but that didn’t work. I can’t get him to use a wash cloth either. I bought dry shampoo and he resists that but I’m going to try again. I think his psychiatrist will tell me to increase his meds but he’s already on 450 mgs of Seroquel to control aggressive behavior and he sleeps a lot during the day. I’m not ready for him to turn into a potted plant!

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asf1234 | @asf1234 | Feb 12, 2025
In reply to @geppetto "This is a first, wife not bathed in over a week.I've suspected for a couple days..." + (show)
Profile picture for geppetto @geppetto

This is a first, wife not bathed in over a week.I've suspected for a couple days my wife has not showered. I asked about it today, she agreed no shower taken in a week. That has never happened in the past. She then asked if it was OK to take one. I of course said yes and I asked if she felt safe taking one, she was OK taking one. Will be added to my list of things to monitor going forward.

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My mom has Alzheimer’s and she hates showers (this is a telltale sign btw). When i first started going to my parents house to do their laundry. I found no underwear in the laundry and said what the hell are you people doing over here? That’s when I realized they both needed so much help and weren’t telling anybody. The no bathing is a real thing and I’m so sorry.

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geppetto | @geppetto | Feb 12, 2025
In reply to @larryg333 "My Two Cents on Showering: Please be super careful when your loved ones wanna attempt to..." + (show)
Profile picture for larryg333 @larryg333

My Two Cents on Showering: Please be super careful when your loved ones wanna attempt to shower. Install grab bars they can readily see / reach. Make sure shower mats don't slide. Put a shower chair in the there. Be with them every step of the way until they're safely out of the bathroom. Wet floors are slippery, floor mats should be secure and visible to them. Have towels and other needed items within E-Z reach. Prescreen their status before letting them begin... not tired, alert, understanding, not rushed, etc, etc, etc.

Bathrooms are DANGEROUS places! Very susceptible to serious falls. Do all that you can to ensure that doesn't happen.

All the best!

/LarryG

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I did that. and with each shower I take the grab bars are tested. Shower floor is grip type and floor outside of shower is carpeted.

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Teri | @tsc | Feb 12, 2025
In reply to @geppetto "This is a first, wife not bathed in over a week.I've suspected for a couple days..." + (show)
Profile picture for geppetto @geppetto

This is a first, wife not bathed in over a week.I've suspected for a couple days my wife has not showered. I asked about it today, she agreed no shower taken in a week. That has never happened in the past. She then asked if it was OK to take one. I of course said yes and I asked if she felt safe taking one, she was OK taking one. Will be added to my list of things to monitor going forward.

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Hi @geppetto, your wife may have simply forgotten to shower. My husband became adverse to showering and I had to plead with him to shower. He wouldn't wash his hair so I bought the stuff they used on me in the hospital that didn't have to be rinsed and did his hair with that. A few years later he broke his hip. I had the tub taken out and a shower bed installed with lots of grab bars and a shower chair. When he came home from rehab, I found it easier to shower with him and he lost his old aversion. I asked him why he didn't want to shower before and he said he just didn't know what to do. Now when we're showering he asks me for step by step instructions.
I agree with @larryg333, it's probably best to monitor your wife in the shower at this point. You'll be there to help her when she needs it.
My mother in law was nearly 100. She didn't have dementia, but she grew to hate showers. She said that it felt like sandpaper on her skin.
At a recent caregiver's conference, the presenter emphasized that sponge baths are an alternative to showers and hygiene warrants that armpits, genitals, and for women, underbreasts need to be washed.
Take care.

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2 replies
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geppetto | @geppetto | Feb 12, 2025
In reply to @tsc "Hi @geppetto, your wife may have simply forgotten to shower. My husband became adverse to showering..." + (show)
Profile picture for Teri @tsc

Hi @geppetto, your wife may have simply forgotten to shower. My husband became adverse to showering and I had to plead with him to shower. He wouldn't wash his hair so I bought the stuff they used on me in the hospital that didn't have to be rinsed and did his hair with that. A few years later he broke his hip. I had the tub taken out and a shower bed installed with lots of grab bars and a shower chair. When he came home from rehab, I found it easier to shower with him and he lost his old aversion. I asked him why he didn't want to shower before and he said he just didn't know what to do. Now when we're showering he asks me for step by step instructions.
I agree with @larryg333, it's probably best to monitor your wife in the shower at this point. You'll be there to help her when she needs it.
My mother in law was nearly 100. She didn't have dementia, but she grew to hate showers. She said that it felt like sandpaper on her skin.
At a recent caregiver's conference, the presenter emphasized that sponge baths are an alternative to showers and hygiene warrants that armpits, genitals, and for women, underbreasts need to be washed.
Take care.

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Thank you, we did talk about it and her response was that she just forgot about it. Something she has never done in the past!

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bayviewgal | @bayviewgal | Feb 12, 2025
In reply to @geppetto "This is a first, wife not bathed in over a week.I've suspected for a couple days..." + (show)
Profile picture for geppetto @geppetto

This is a first, wife not bathed in over a week.I've suspected for a couple days my wife has not showered. I asked about it today, she agreed no shower taken in a week. That has never happened in the past. She then asked if it was OK to take one. I of course said yes and I asked if she felt safe taking one, she was OK taking one. Will be added to my list of things to monitor going forward.

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My husband would get into the shower but would forget to use soap even if I put it where he could easily see and get to it. Not to mention the water that was everywhere on the floor or the mat. We have grab bars as well but I wouldn't know if he was using them since this was all new to him. There were a few times he took the initiative and would shower without me saying anything and i didn't know he was in there until after he got out (5 mins. or less). It was at that point that I took over and showered him and he LOVED it!! I would love a shower massage 🙂 He now gets a shower 2-3 times a week and he shows very little resistance and once clothes are back on and teeth brushed and a touch of his favorite cologne, i always tell him how good he looks AND smells...along with a long firm hug and he always says "thank you" I also think he enjoys that he gets to sit.

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deniseheart | @deniseheart | Feb 13, 2025
In reply to @geppetto "This is a first, wife not bathed in over a week.I've suspected for a couple days..." + (show)
Profile picture for geppetto @geppetto

This is a first, wife not bathed in over a week.I've suspected for a couple days my wife has not showered. I asked about it today, she agreed no shower taken in a week. That has never happened in the past. She then asked if it was OK to take one. I of course said yes and I asked if she felt safe taking one, she was OK taking one. Will be added to my list of things to monitor going forward.

Jump to this post

My mother hasn't bathed in a month, though she says that she is taking a shower every day. She refuses help of any kind. Any one have any suggestions for me to convince her to shower? She has an easy access walk in shower with several grab bars and a shower chair.

REPLY
1 reply
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wmehan | @wmehan | Feb 13, 2025
In reply to @tsc "Hi @geppetto, your wife may have simply forgotten to shower. My husband became adverse to showering..." + (show)
Profile picture for Teri @tsc

Hi @geppetto, your wife may have simply forgotten to shower. My husband became adverse to showering and I had to plead with him to shower. He wouldn't wash his hair so I bought the stuff they used on me in the hospital that didn't have to be rinsed and did his hair with that. A few years later he broke his hip. I had the tub taken out and a shower bed installed with lots of grab bars and a shower chair. When he came home from rehab, I found it easier to shower with him and he lost his old aversion. I asked him why he didn't want to shower before and he said he just didn't know what to do. Now when we're showering he asks me for step by step instructions.
I agree with @larryg333, it's probably best to monitor your wife in the shower at this point. You'll be there to help her when she needs it.
My mother in law was nearly 100. She didn't have dementia, but she grew to hate showers. She said that it felt like sandpaper on her skin.
At a recent caregiver's conference, the presenter emphasized that sponge baths are an alternative to showers and hygiene warrants that armpits, genitals, and for women, underbreasts need to be washed.
Take care.

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Been gig through the same tigwith my husband. I home visiting nurse suggested sponge baths. Bought scrubs sponge pads that I like for him to use. He does the washing and I tell him what to wash. This has eased my nagging. We have the grab bars etc. but he refuses. He claims he is cold. I think that is the reason he refuses to get in the shower

REPLY
1 reply
Profile picture for Teri
Teri | @tsc | Feb 13, 2025
In reply to @wmehan "Been gig through the same tigwith my husband. I home visiting nurse suggested sponge baths. Bought..." + (show)
Profile picture for wmehan @wmehan

Been gig through the same tigwith my husband. I home visiting nurse suggested sponge baths. Bought scrubs sponge pads that I like for him to use. He does the washing and I tell him what to wash. This has eased my nagging. We have the grab bars etc. but he refuses. He claims he is cold. I think that is the reason he refuses to get in the shower

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I think you're right, @wmehan. Coldness is a deterrent to showering. You would have to have a steam bath effect, like running the hot water for a while in the shower before he goes in. I have seen heated towel racks for sale on line. Also, a nice warm robe waiting for him when he gets out might help. How do you manage washing his hair?

REPLY
Profile picture for Teri
Teri | @tsc | Feb 13, 2025
In reply to @deniseheart "My mother hasn't bathed in a month, though she says that she is taking a shower..." + (show)
Profile picture for deniseheart @deniseheart

My mother hasn't bathed in a month, though she says that she is taking a shower every day. She refuses help of any kind. Any one have any suggestions for me to convince her to shower? She has an easy access walk in shower with several grab bars and a shower chair.

Jump to this post

Hi @deniseheart

I found this comprehensive guide online. I hope it helps.
Here's the link:
https://saferseniorcare.com/convince-elderly-senior-to-bathe-shower/
Good luck!

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