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Help - I am burned out and dealing with someone who is stubborn
Caregivers | Last Active: Nov 25, 2024 | Replies (101)Comment receiving replies
Any one on here who has to deal with a stubborn, hardheaded partner? My husband has late stage iv lung cancer and advanced COPD. He has had two chemoimmunotherapy treatments so far. His symptoms after wards have not been good. He vomits daily and can't eat anything without throwing up afterwards. He has been given compazine which did not seem to work for him. Now he has zprexa and zofran. Just got those ones yesterday. Hopefully he will start to feel better. But what makes me angry is that he won't try anything I suggest. Was going to make him peppermint tea with honey. He told me he does not like tea. There is boost in the frig which he won't drink. We have gingerale. He did try once, but threw up shortly after drinking it. I suggested crackers and he said he did not like crackers because they are dry. I said I can add oyster crackers to you soup. They will get soggy. He said NO. He never drinks water. Only coffee and milk. Bought him gatorade and he said I don't like it. He won't drink milkshakes. Did make him two weeks ago and he said he did not want to drink them anymore. I am at my wit's end. He weighs 92 pounds and is 5'10. It does not matter what I suggest, he doesn't like it or he makes some other excuse. I know that he is dehydrated but he won't even think about drinking water. We all do things that we don't like, but if it is going to help,, most of us will try it. Not him. And sorry to say, but I am TIRED of it. Last Sunday, I ordered ginger and peppermint tea from amazon. Guess I will be drinking it. Guess I will just have to watch him disintergrate into nothing but bones. Sorry for the rant.
Replies to "Any one on here who has to deal with a stubborn, hardheaded partner? My husband has..."
Please don't be sorry! It is the hardest job you ever will have as a caregiver!! Have they thought about a gastric tube for his feedings. He definitely sounds dehydrated. I wish that I could say something to make you feel better. Hugs!
Caregiving a husband is hard. And yes this whole thing is hard on him too. My husband is a veteran and was exposed to agent orange in Vietnam. He
is suffering from it all now and I sympathize for him. But I get so tired of everything being about him. Everything we have to talk about, everything we do, everywhere we go. I'm not a wife, I'm a caregiver! It's hard to be a wife when you are in charge of doing everything by yourself. And I have so much equipment in my house it looks like a nursing home. He's up all night and wakes me up. And I put in 19 hour days mostly. I get grouchy and I'm tired. But I try to endure and be compassionate. I hear people asking him how he's doing but no one asks me the caregiver how I'm doing. Sometimes I want to scream, go nuts, hang myself (don't worry I won't). This is not how I feel all the time but I really wish we could have more joy in our life. I ask the Lord to help me through this phase of my life. I just hope it doesn't kill me. I know I need to take care of myself so that I can take care of him. Que sera sera, it is what it is and I can only take it one day at a time. 🙏Jesus!
It is reassuring to hear others feel the level of frustration that I do and that this is a normal feeling as a caregiver. My husband does not have cancer, but has a myriad of health issues (diabetes, heart condition, neuropathy, mild cognitive issues). He is battling depression, which is being treated by our primary physician, but he refuses to go to therapy. He is very rude at times and his level of frustration is hard to deal with at times. I try to remember that he has lost his driving privileges and no longer can perform some of the basic everyday tasks.
My husband has stage 4 colon spread to lungs. He had all the chemo and now on pills. Most times i can handle it but this morning i yelled at him because he was barking orders. It has been 2 years snd i’m exhausted. I feel so guilty for yelling.
My husbands chemo started in august 2022. The chemo pills(lonsurf) are stopping the small tumors from growing but one large tumor keeps growing. He needs a biopsy to see if it is a different cancer. Take care of yourself It can be a Long ride
@denise96 and the group -- Just wanted to chime in and say "stubborn" patients come in both genders... got one over here.
It's a MAJOR challenge to get her to increase fluids... partake in physical exercise... do recommended brain "exercises," or follow through on other medical suggestions (related to diet, lifestyle, etc).
FRUSTRATING.
/LarryG
I wish in hindsight reading these posts I had tried to get my first husband in hospice before I got him in a nursing home. He died 6 weeks later. I held his hand through his last breath. I do.not think any of his health care providers made this clear to me. How close he was. I wore myself out trying to take care of him. No blame just wish I would have been told upfront. I got seriously ill in 2014 2 years after his death. Very ill. I am fortunate to be alive and reading these posts. I still have trauma to process from it. This group helps. God bless
I hear your frustration and underlying fear that you aren't doing enough. You are. The old adage "you can take a horse to water, but you can't make him drink" can be applied here. Hydration is so important; lack of it leads to UTI's. My husband suffers from ALZ is now in a Memory Care Facility. I visit daily and bring him a container of ice water with a straw and a small bag of potato chips. The chips make him thirsty, so he'll drink his water. Is it enough for the day? No. But it makes me feel like I've had a small win. He had a fall, broke his hip, and had to be in rehab. All of these setbacks caused him to lose more and more weight. With ALZ, his essence is long gone, but now I see him physically shrinking before my eyes. Think about tiny snacks like you would have for children. For example, cut a banana horizontally in half and slather with peanut butter. Put the halves back together and cut it into chunks. Freeze them to pop out for a snack. Little portions often work better. Vent away. It is essential for your mental health. I vented and shared on this forum for many months when I was caretaking for my husband at home. Reach out to those who have walked your walk. You are treading water and need a lifeline.
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Don't be sorry. I have one of those at home, too and it IS very frustrating.!