Dealing with a Spouse with a “Mild Cognitive Impairment”

Hi, @tryingtimes10 Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect! While we wait for members to get involved in this discussion, I thought you might find this earlier discussion helpful.
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/caregiver-for-spouse-with-mci/
You are in a very difficult position but I respect your thoughts and hope you find some help from your therapist. You are not alone in caring for a spouse with MCI. It’s just very difficult.

Thank you for your kind words. My decline has been multifactorial but the icing on the cake was certainly my husband’s MCI I’m dealing with. I don’t know that I will ever be the person I was pre-pandemic & my husband’s pre- MCI. Both changed my life tremendously & not for the good. I’m sorry for complaining & it’s not my intent to use this as a woe is me bitch site. I’m interested in knowing how others deal with what feels like a slow loss of the person they were married to.

Please feel free to use this as a "woe is me" site if you need to vent some steam. We're all human, and we've all been there.
My husband seems to be in the same general state as yours with MCI. He has few memories of our lives together, is relatively independent but gets lost, can't work his phone, etc. I'm handling it so far by trying to maintain my other relationships while I'm still free to do so. I know that when his dementia worsens I'll be a lot more limited. I intend to care for him at home as long as possible. So, I walk a few miles a day, exercise a bit with weights at home, and do stretching exercises. Endorphins are good. I try to befriend new people so I'm not so lonely and maintain good relationships with family, but we don't have many relatives nearby. Basically, I suggest exercise and friendships...and this site.

Good morning nod Happy New Year @tryingtimes10 I know you only asked for women's perspective, but my wife suffered from brain cancer and severe dementia-like symptoms, so I wanted to chime in. We were married for 41 years and she was diagnosed when she was 46.

I was my wife's sole caregiver for over 14 years. I think the most important things that helped me were these:

Her broken brain (disease) made her a different person. I had to accept that and learn to love this new person each day as things, and she changed over and over.

While we wish there were guarantees in life, there are none when it comes to our future. Also, life often feels unfair when it comes to how our lives change as we become caregivers.

My dad was an alcoholic, and I learned to live the mantra of "one day at a time" as a caregiver and to loving my spouse for how she was that day.

I had to learn to give up wishing this wasn't happening and wanting to go back to how things, and she, were in our past. Our clocks can never go backward.

I hope my insights might be of help.

Strength, Courage, & Peace

Yes, there are many of us dealing with IT. You can read some of my posts. My husband was officially diagnosed in early 2023 but changes were apparent before that. We will be married 52 years next year. This is sad to see our husband lose his ability to think for himself and engage as the partner we once had.
I savor the good times, forgive myself for exploding at times, and hug him at least once a day no matter what.
Good that you have a therapist. I have one for me once a week and my husband has a neuropsychologist who calls him once a week. I get in on those sessions and it’s often marriage counseling.
Hang in there and stay connected here.
I found this sight when one day I was taking a walk and just sobbing. I searched “my husband has MCI..” and found this to be soothing and helpful.
I hope you find some peace in knowing there are many of us with you in the same boat.

Thank you for your kind response. My husband is linked with a cognitive neurologist who sees him twice a year at this time. He is always willing to entertain my questions in between times. Trying to deal with this has made me a physical, emotional, & mental wreck. I struggled with health problems before this but since, I can’t sleep & have dropped weight making me now underweight. I don’t know if the me that was will ever return. I’m seeing my physician & the psychologist because I am not dealing well with this MCI. It was the last thing I expected to deal with. It’s certainly not one of the conditions you consider when you take your vows & promise for better or worse, for sickness & health. I’m just really struggling right now. Thanks for listening.

Thank you for the suggestions. I’m thinking of working with a trainer to try to regain some of my muscle strength. I’ve also considered restarting music lessons. I bought a bass guitar to take up when I retired but my lessons have been off & on due to injuries I’ve sustained. I’ve also thought of taking up flute & piano which I played as a girl but have lost much ground over the years. I’m just not sure I have the stamina to do all three which sounds silly to say. I used to do 2 of the 3 with no problem at all. The stress of the MCI diagnosis has just taken so much out of me. Drained me really. I guess I will see what I am able to do (commit to).

And yes, I’m so thankful to find a community of peers. I look forward to hearing from you & others on how you are dealing with your challenges. I no longer feel so alone in this. It’s had to see friends living their lives & having a fully functioning husband who remembers & they are able to communicate with. What I miss most is being able to reminisce. I also no longer know how much he tells me I can rely on. It’s like I have to be present for everything.

Try one of those dreams. I find I don’t have the “bandwidth” to do more than a few things to nurture my own soul.

I’m sorry to hear what you had to go through. What a blessing you were to your wife.you are correct life is not fair. As a Rabbi wrote in his book “When Bad Things Happen to Good People”, there is no one above sprinkling fairness dust on us all, or something to that effect. I always try to keep that in mind. The minister who married us is cared for & lost a wife to brain cancer & talked to us about that. He said being a minister did not protect him or his wife from these things that happen & talked to us about prayer. At the time we felt bad for him but it didn’t really sink in at the time. Thanks again for sharing your story.