Help! My husband refuses to shower. It’s been 2 weeks now.

That can be frustrating. I dealt with something similar with my older cousin when she had dementia. Initially, I tried to care for her in her home, but it became too much for one caregiver in the home. I would talk positively about bathing and promise all the good things that would happen afterwards, like a drive, her favorite music video, ice cream, etc. She would whine and protest, but we got through it. Later, she would refuse help bathing in the regular assisted living facility. Resistance to care in general became a problem and then wandering. So, I had her moved to Memory Care. There, they knew how to manage her care and she got 3 showers a week. No problem. The staff are trained professionals and they did an excellent job of managing her care, including bathing.

An aversion to water is common with dementia. Many experience it. For some people it might fade.

I hope you can find help. Some people get outside help, like a bath aid. We got my dad that, but he refuses to allow it. So, I’m looking at facilities for placement now.

Thanks Celia for sharing your experience. You were fortunate to find a memory care unit with staff who knew how to do this. They are not all like that, I’ve found. Actually if you are in the NYC area, would you mind sharing the name of the facility. I will also look into finding a bath aide. He won’t let his regular aides touch him at all.
I so appreciate your advice.
Happy Holidays.

I’m afraid it wasn’t in the NYC area. It was in NC. I was surprised at the number of residents at the AL and MC that were from the north. Apparently, the costs is much less in rural areas of NC. The place at the time was privately owned and small. They had little staff turnover. It was ideal. They gave us the Downton Abby welcome when we arrived. Director and staff standing at the entrance (outside) with smiles and a wheelchair . They never called me to complain of her behavior. They managed it. She was immediately happier there.

It’s been several years since my cousin died, so I don’t know their status now. I will PM you the name if you request it.

Sounds like a wonderful place. Yes, the costs up here are astronomical. I think a place with the caliber of staff you wrote about would probably be too costly here.
I am lucky to have good aides to work in my home and perhaps eventually we’ll break through his resistance or perhaps he won’t be so resistant when the disease progresses. (And I get to move on to a new set of challenges.😱)
Thanks again Celia for your generosity.

My cousin was very opposed to AL initially, but the fact her doctor said she needed it to get her strength back, better nutrition, PT, medication regulated, etc. convinced her. By the time she got to MC a couple months later, she was accustomed to it and not long after that she thought it was her apartment and she had no memory of her previous house. She thought she worked in the office. But everyone is different. I’m trying to get my dad into a facility now. He says he needs to go, but then reneges. Sigh.

Best of luck with your situation, i know it’s tough.