PAIN : Narcissistic partner, struggling to cope as I am leaving.

I’m sorry you’re feeling so bad and I understand because you have taken a very big step forward and that’s not an easy thing to do. Sometimes it leaves you feeling like you’re between a rock and a hard place, damned if you do or don’t. We are creatures of habit and even when they are bad for us we still tend to go back to them only because they are familiars, making changes in life are always big steps but it helps to keep in mind what and why you wanted to do so. When you leave a bad situation it feels good at first because you accomplished something however it takes time for you to start moving forward and that is when you start looking back at what you left, naturally you start thinking that things weren’t all that bad because we tend to forget about the bad stuff, this is when you start doubting yourself and what you’re trying to accomplish. It would be wonderful if we could walk away from things easily and then start on something new but it doesn’t happen this way. If you’re confident that you’ve tried everything possible to make your relationship work and it still doesn’t work out then you owe it to yourself to keep going forward. I hope that you have some family and friends to talk with, therapy is helpful but it’s not always easy to find depending on where you live or financial circumstances. I would like to add that I have been where you are and even though it feels so hard to keep going, it will get easier with time, one day you will just know that you’re doing something right for yourself and everything else will come together,

redtulip54, take one day at a time. One day. And find things to engage in. Be selfish. What is something you like? Does it involve other people? Church? Where can you go to make friends? You need to believe the truth. And the truth is that instead of looking back (and focusing on the few good days you are glamorizing) you left for a reason. Now focus on going forward with your life. Every day you survive going forward is going to help you see things more clearly, and you can choose something better for yourself. Or run back to misery. You can do this.

Thank you. You are so right with everything you wrote. I did feel good the first couple of days, then I felt numb and then the pain started. I will keep your words in mind, that it will get easier. Thank you for reaching out. I hate the change, I miss my old neighbors and the house. I miss him too. I don't talk to friends about it, I just can't. One day at a time, I will try. I am managing without drugs, but I have a supply Dr prescribed for sleep and anxiety. I have never done drugs like that before, I am scared to try.

Thank you baa. I am trying and now it is to go through morning, then till lunch, till evening and the nights are the worst. I try to study. I took up some online courses at a university. I started last year before I left him. I try to keep up, I did an assignment before I left. I find I can't concentrate but I try. Thankfully, we don't have a child together. I always regretted not having one with him, but now I think it is a blessing may be, I don't know... I hope one day I see it very clearly and if I see him accidentally, my heart might twitch a bit, but then it will tell me You are in a good place now. That's my dream.

redtulip54, you are correct in being thankful for no child together. I understand where you are at right now because I went through this with TWO narcisstic partners. It is a personality disorder that nothing will change but an act of God. I went back several times with my childrens dad. I never would accept things wouldn’t improve, even when he almost killed us. Then, several years later I found another one just like him. Married him too even when all the red flags were there. My kids are grown now but you cannot comprehend how this has affected their lives and the damage I did by exposing them to the sorrow. And I have no one to blame but myself. I worked hard to give them a “good” home and education. The one thing they needed, I was too selfish to give them, and was the love that should exist in that home. I refused to accept the narcisstic man(s) because I guess I didn’t think I deserved better, I don’t know. Let me tell you, in the name of those children and the pain they battle now at 40 and 35, I DID AND THEY DID DESERVE BETTER! Explore that. Explore why you became addicted to unhappiness.
If you want to go back, go back. You are an adult and no one will suffer but you. Just remember, nothing will change. My heart bleeds for you.
I will never get over what I put my beautiful, wonderful children through.

I would like to add my 2 cents. Just suggestions. Get psycho education on personality disorders undue influence brain washing manipulation your vulnerabilities. Be willing for your sake if you enter another relationship be it friend or more be willing to walk away . You are worth it. Too many people are toxic lack boundaries havd no filters. I have 2 dogs who are my documented ESAs. Do not be afraid to say no report something or someone that are a danger to themselves or others. Learn about how and why this happened to you but keep in mind it was not your fault. With knowledge comes power and with knowledge comes responsibility. Say no . To anyone or anything. Take your time making decisions. I went through what you have. Domestic violence treatment changed my life for the better. I also had to have spiritual trauma therapy because I joined a high control church looking for friends and social activities. You will heal and recover.

You me and others who have taken this journey are the hope for future. Our thoughts and actions create our destiny.

Hi Baa,
Thanks for sharing your story, I feel for you too. Yes, kids are always affected. I am sure your kids value you and understand what you went through. My father, I guess, was a narcissist. I don't remember him much, he died when I was a teenager. He ignored me most of the time and had fights with my mother It is strange, I did not cry, I was strangely relieved. After unpicking my past, I now know why I am where I am now.

Hello, your 2 cents are much more than 2 cents. I value your advice very much. I am learning to say No. I like people and did say no in the past but not in a good way, I think I was too abrupt doing it. My friend is much better at it, her No is very friendly somehow. I have to learn from her.

I had half a mind to come out of my rv with one of my dogs- ,a pitbull my ESA and stun gun and say God gave this dog because medicine pulled me back from death and what are going to do now? I had bacterial meningitis of my brain in 2014. On life support multi organ failure etc and was coded. True story. We deserve better than this.