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Narcissistic partner, struggling to cope as I am leaving.
Anyone out there going through same stuff? I am leaving my narcissistic partner after 10 years, it is so tough how someone can be so secretive and cold and abusive.
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Thank you baa. I am trying and now it is to go through morning, then till lunch, till evening and the nights are the worst. I try to study. I took up some online courses at a university. I started last year before I left him. I try to keep up, I did an assignment before I left. I find I can't concentrate but I try. Thankfully, we don't have a child together. I always regretted not having one with him, but now I think it is a blessing may be, I don't know... I hope one day I see it very clearly and if I see him accidentally, my heart might twitch a bit, but then it will tell me You are in a good place now. That's my dream.
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1 Reactionredtulip54, you are correct in being thankful for no child together. I understand where you are at right now because I went through this with TWO narcisstic partners. It is a personality disorder that nothing will change but an act of God. I went back several times with my childrens dad. I never would accept things wouldn’t improve, even when he almost killed us. Then, several years later I found another one just like him. Married him too even when all the red flags were there. My kids are grown now but you cannot comprehend how this has affected their lives and the damage I did by exposing them to the sorrow. And I have no one to blame but myself. I worked hard to give them a “good” home and education. The one thing they needed, I was too selfish to give them, and was the love that should exist in that home. I refused to accept the narcisstic man(s) because I guess I didn’t think I deserved better, I don’t know. Let me tell you, in the name of those children and the pain they battle now at 40 and 35, I DID AND THEY DID DESERVE BETTER! Explore that. Explore why you became addicted to unhappiness.
If you want to go back, go back. You are an adult and no one will suffer but you. Just remember, nothing will change. My heart bleeds for you.
I will never get over what I put my beautiful, wonderful children through.
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3 ReactionsI would like to add my 2 cents. Just suggestions. Get psycho education on personality disorders undue influence brain washing manipulation your vulnerabilities. Be willing for your sake if you enter another relationship be it friend or more be willing to walk away . You are worth it. Too many people are toxic lack boundaries havd no filters. I have 2 dogs who are my documented ESAs. Do not be afraid to say no report something or someone that are a danger to themselves or others. Learn about how and why this happened to you but keep in mind it was not your fault. With knowledge comes power and with knowledge comes responsibility. Say no . To anyone or anything. Take your time making decisions. I went through what you have. Domestic violence treatment changed my life for the better. I also had to have spiritual trauma therapy because I joined a high control church looking for friends and social activities. You will heal and recover.
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1 ReactionYou me and others who have taken this journey are the hope for future. Our thoughts and actions create our destiny.
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1 ReactionHi Baa,
Thanks for sharing your story, I feel for you too. Yes, kids are always affected. I am sure your kids value you and understand what you went through. My father, I guess, was a narcissist. I don't remember him much, he died when I was a teenager. He ignored me most of the time and had fights with my mother It is strange, I did not cry, I was strangely relieved. After unpicking my past, I now know why I am where I am now.
Hello, your 2 cents are much more than 2 cents. I value your advice very much. I am learning to say No. I like people and did say no in the past but not in a good way, I think I was too abrupt doing it. My friend is much better at it, her No is very friendly somehow. I have to learn from her.
I had half a mind to come out of my rv with one of my dogs- ,a pitbull my ESA and stun gun and say God gave this dog because medicine pulled me back from death and what are going to do now? I had bacterial meningitis of my brain in 2014. On life support multi organ failure etc and was coded. True story. We deserve better than this.
redtulip54, the heart wants what the heart wants. But it is that same, trusting and loving heart that makes you special. I know you are hurting now, but without folks like you this would be an irredeemable world. You will get through this, and you will recognize those unacceptable traits in others that could take your joy. We are all flawed and when you let someone into your heart you take that chance. But when
you heal, don’t isolate yourself. There are so many people out there who are kind and loving, looking for another kind loving person (just like you!)
You are correct, and introspection, talk therapy, can always help.
Where did I read - good judgment comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgment.
Look for something to be grateful for today🌺
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