To move near family or stay put

Love your advice. I took care of my mother, and it affected my health for quite a long time afterwards.

I know the children well, but it gets old and tiring, and I don’t want to have them go through that. Even though we wouldn’t be in their home, it is too much and too hard for us to move.

I have a different problem- 2 adult children and their families states away from me and each other, both advocating for me to move near them. Here I live in a starter home we never left- one floor, I have my brother and sister-in-law nearby. We’re close and help each other (mid 70’s), my health is good.
I know choosing one to move near to will cause a lot of hurt feelings and possibly upset between the two, anybody else dealing with sibling rivalry still? Guess I should be happy I’m popular 🤣

Two choices: decline to move for the sake of comfort, ability, and continuity, or choose one of the two and be prepared to 'splain yourself to the one refused. How the spurned child feels is not your problem...it's theirs. You're a grownup with faculties and experience in living, and your decision must be unquestioned. Leave the rivalry where it belongs...between them.

I turned 75 two weeks ago, and I am also in the process of going through all of my things, getting ready to move back to Minnesota where I have a sister, 3 brothers and several good friends. Going through my stuff sometimes it almost seems like living my life in reverse. I know when I helped my Dad consolidate and clear our our family home how long the process can take, and saying goodbye to all those things. But it was also a wonderful way to relive the memories.

I have already given all my plants and plant stuff away. Today my bff is coming over and I can give her some shelves she will use to set up her sewing room. I have always been of the mindset that if I bring in something home then I must give up something. That being said, it is so darned easy to accumulate "stuff". One thing that helps is to say to myself, 'if there was a fire, what would I grab before getting out?' It helps to figure out what is most important.

I too am going thru photos and old letters. This takes the longest time. Most of the photos were taken by myself so I have hard copies, copies on CD and copies on my computer via/phone. The time consuming part is going through and remembering and then dealing with any emotions that come up, before I pass the hard copies on to my nieces, nephews, and other family members. It can feel like I am losing something, but again, I still have most on CDs. I like your idea of putting the photos on a rotating wall frame.

I will do the same process with jewelry. I think this will be a bit easier especially since I wear very little nowadays, and keep them mostly for sentimental value; although, I am surprised how possessive I am of my "jewels".

Good Luck in your downsizing process.

Best of luck…. I’m glad you’re getting to remember things before you say goodbye. Vicious.

Don’t know where vicious came from, but I don’t want to include that.

Gotta love auto correct!

I would be near family as long as they are willing to and wanting you to be nearby. Good question though.

I appreciate all these perspectives. I’m trying to figure out what to do myself. My husband died when we were 48. I am now 62. I’ve worked since he died as a teacher. I live alone and have traveled over the last few summers because I realized years ago that being isolated at home is very hard for me emotionally. I have 3 sons, 2 daughters in law and 7 grandchildren but they all live in other states. I visit each set twice a year and talk to them often but I hate living so far away that I can’t see their games, recitals or anything they are doing. It’s been difficult. I asked my oldest son and his wife if they would be ok if I move near them. I am in contact with a 55+ community and plan to live there. Part of my plan is that I want to meet people my age, still travel some, but be close so I can be a part of their lives while I’m still healthy and able to be active. My daughter in law wants me there and has been vocal that she can’t wait. My son also said he wants me there. But he is concerned because he is very busy right now. He works full time and is taking online classes to get a degree. He’s in his 18th year in the Air Force and will be retiring in the next few years and starting a new career., which means a move for all of us. He and his wife do fight a lot and he has said he’s concerned about it being awkward if I’m there. He also expressed concern that I would be asking him to come help me when he doesn’t have time to do the things he needs to do right now for his family. I am glad he’s being honest. I feel like there will be some growing pains because we haven’t lived near each other since he left home. My choices are that I continue to live in Houston, which is very lonely. Most of my friends are still married. They have their kids nearby and see their grandkids often. I go eat with them once in awhile but our lives are different. They are busy with grandkids. Or, I uproot to a new state, knowing I’ll move again in a year or two, try to make new friends and see my family more than I do now.
I’m struggling with the right choice. I really don’t feel connected here. My kids have all said they don’t want to come back to Houston so my waiting here just means I continue to get older and eventually more frail. But I don’t want to move there and my son feel more pressure. If my husband were still alive, things would be very different. I wish there was a sure fire way to know what to do and what the outcome will be.

@katymac
We’re going through the same dilemma to move or say put. My husband has dementia and everyone wants us to live near them. We sold our house in Fl to move back to our home in NJ. We have relatives here our sons live in different states and want us there. I am not sure what we are doing. The only good thing has been the downsizing. Now I go around asking did I pack, toss, or lost it in the move. You don’t want to get in the middle of the situation with your son. Perhaps rent a small apartment near him so you are not in their place when they have their arguments. You don’t want to be part of their problem. Perhaps you need to join groups in Houston, do volunteer work, substitute, work at the library or food bank. I wish I could get out and do those things. They all say they want you nearby. They want you close in case you need them. It sounds great but they also have jobs, family and their own social life which you don’t want to put a damper on.