Meet fellow Caregivers - Introduce yourself

I am Patsy. My husband, an aerospace engineer, is the smartest man I know, but Mild Cognitive Impairment has robbed him of all those engineering skills. He is still physically able, a sweet, kind husband, likes to be socially active but cannot remember what happened 30 seconds ago. Unable to reason, he gets frustrated and so do I! It can be physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausting. But when I say, “Lord, I cant do this!” He says, “No, but I can.”

Hello to all, My husband July 1st woke up and could not walk 10 steps before he sat down sweating very pale and a yellow tint to his skin, plus he could not breath.. I immediately rushed him to the nearest ER I could think of.
They immediately hooked him up to oxygen, IV fluids and called an ambulance to move him to the best hospital in our area.

He stayed in ICU 11 days..his heart was completly surrounded by fluid in which a drain was placed into the heart sack an came out of his chest into a colostomy bag....the fluid was pretty much all blood red.
It took about 3 days to drain his heart sack they said had I not brought him in when i did his heart would have stopped beating from the pressure of the fluid.
After the surgery a Cardio Dr came in and said point blank see that fluid.... its cancer. see this monitor look at the mass on his lung its cancer. Needless to say we where both in Shock as my husband is a non stop gardner, cook and enjoying his retirement at age 72. Stays busy always.

After 10 days in ICU , 4 days in a floor down in a private room he was going to come home and he was so happy as he had never been in the hospital before.

I brought him home and his Oncoligist appt was 12 days later...seemed to far away for me. I was uncomfortable and scared to bring him home.
1 and a half days later same scenario as the July 1st. back to ER at hospital...his lungs where almost filled with fluid..they immediately put him an antibiotic IV and drained one lung...yay he can breath we where happy. 2 days later they drained the second lung 2 liters of fluid....the first lung had a bit more.
He stayed another night till they could MRI his brain to ensure the cancer had not spread..he started the test made the tech stop after 25 min and she took him back to his room. The next day he said I'm ready to go home I said wonderful ....until the nurse informed me he had not completed the MRI...and had to have it done...I said may I take him to a place in the am close to home, sure we got him released and his now home. The next morning at 8 I got him as weak as he was and out of breath to have the MRI.
This Monday is the long awaited Oncologist appt. He will be given his options.

All that said I noticed after his 10lb weight loss in 6 days and constant coughing up so much mucus, blood I literally threw up...not a very good nurse but I did what any caregiver would do and cleaned up for my husband..
He seemed very confused when I got him up from a 4 hr. nap and he was saying things about people visiting him and just scared me really bad I just assured him no one was here and if they where they have left...he said good I dont want company. Again the next morning more hallucinations and almost as if he developed dementia
overnight..I feel so alone and lost. I just want to get him to the Drs on Monday and start treatment yesterday, I'm just a mess.

Please tell me it gets a little better I need to hear positive news from others as you who have been in my situation...I just want to rest and not worry about his severe sleep apnea new diagnosis by the way and make sure to check his oxygen every few hours and BP..all has been good.
I pray he will be himself again one day but until then I will take the best of care as I Love him even after 46 yrs of marriage...any advise would help.
Thank you for listening I hope to hear from someone who has been in my shoes .

With Warmest Regatds,
Yvonne a loving wife❤😭

I am Patsy. My husband, an aerospace engineer, is the smartest man I know, but Mild Cognitive Impairment has robbed him of all those engineering skills. He is still physically able, a sweet, kind husband, likes to be socially active but cannot remember what happened 30 seconds ago. Unable to reason, he gets frustrated and so do I! It can be physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausting. But when I say, “Lord, I cant do this!” He says, “No, but I can.”

Hello and good morning @pattyinal I am sorry to read of your husband's challenges with MCI, but am glad you have joined in the conversations here at Mayo Connect.

Caregiving is one of the most challenging jobs in the whole world I think! You are right that it often takes us to our limits physically, mentally, and emotionally. Plus there is an unfortunately unique challenge of having to rise to the occasion each day while watching our loved one fight their battle yet another day. One of the things I always reminded myself of was 'Superman and Wonder Woman only exist in the comics. There are no superheroes in caregiving.' Each of us can only do what it is we can do on any given day.

It is nice to read that your husband continues to enjoy social interactions, otherwise caregiving can certainly be incredibly isolating.

How long have you been caregiving?

Wishing you continued strength, courage, and peace!

We first noticed mild memory loss, missing appointments, meetings etc.? in 2006. At that time he was also diagnosed with severe sleep apnea. He took early retirement in 2007. Neurologist agreed with us that years of oxygen deprivation could possibly have been the initial source of his dementia issues. Since that time, he uses a CPAP every day, but the cognitive decline has continued gradually, until the last couple of years when the memory loss has become more severe. Now, he cannot tell time, cannot do any of the handyman jobs he used to do, struggles to find the word for objects, cannot remember that he already ate, or has not had a bath or brushed his teeth. He does still dress himself, but would wear the same clothes every day, if I didn’t remove them from his closet. He knows that he cannot remember, and usually asks me for answers, but then is often sure I’m mistaken. He knows he is dependent on me, yet is very protective of me and hardly wants me out of his sight. Probably more than you wanted to know, but so far, we make a pretty good team and I certainly know that our difficulties don’t even compare to those of so many others.

Hi @pattyinal - It sounds as if you have been dealing with this for a long time. My heart goes out to you. Just wanted to pass along something I learned recently that may or may not help. Our local hospice will provide help with anyone diagnosed with dementia - it does not mean they are at the end of life. They do it because dementia is progressive - and their services are free. Also, our local Council on Aging (COA) has been a tremendous resource for me in terms of caregiver support. Do you have hospice and/or COA in your area?

We first noticed mild memory loss, missing appointments, meetings etc.? in 2006. At that time he was also diagnosed with severe sleep apnea. He took early retirement in 2007. Neurologist agreed with us that years of oxygen deprivation could possibly have been the initial source of his dementia issues. Since that time, he uses a CPAP every day, but the cognitive decline has continued gradually, until the last couple of years when the memory loss has become more severe. Now, he cannot tell time, cannot do any of the handyman jobs he used to do, struggles to find the word for objects, cannot remember that he already ate, or has not had a bath or brushed his teeth. He does still dress himself, but would wear the same clothes every day, if I didn’t remove them from his closet. He knows that he cannot remember, and usually asks me for answers, but then is often sure I’m mistaken. He knows he is dependent on me, yet is very protective of me and hardly wants me out of his sight. Probably more than you wanted to know, but so far, we make a pretty good team and I certainly know that our difficulties don’t even compare to those of so many others.

Hi @19lin @aasthapuri @adri @bbams @besrus5 @bina @burrkay @charlena @chesneydell1965 @clayton48 @coladyrev @dawn_giacabazi @dawn0202 @eaglesview @IndianaScott @jeannie2 @jennyjones38 @jhammer @js119 @lindagee @lisa_sj9 @saltyfrog @shellsk24 @soul @sylviapf @tavi @ters1993
I'd like to invite you to the new Caregivers group. It's a space where we can share the ups and downs of caregiving, honestly and openly without judgement. Whether you're caring for someone with dementia, cancer, heart problems or whatever, please join us. Pull up a chair and tell us a bit about yourself.