For kw1904861, honestly, after going through 16 years of brain injury and the death of a daughter and 7 years of illness and death of a spouse there's not much advise that I got that changed the situation. Every body has a different set point about when enough is enough and we dont get a manual at birth that tells us where it is. The only "advise" I can offer is to make yourself knowledgeable about resources, make yourself available to real friends who can listen well or find a support group where you'll meet like minded people in the same kind of unexpected twist to life we here have had daily. Keep track of how well you sleep, how safe you are in the house and whether you can maintain your own health. Without those three (there's probably more) you are in decline and need help for yourself.

Hi @kw1904861 Nice to have you here and glad you found Mayo Connect! We are open to all and pleased you have come here to share and hopefully find some support. I'm Scott and I was my wife's caregiver for 14+ years. She fought her war with brain cancer and while each patient and their condition is different, I know how challenging brain injury caregiving can be! Luckily for me she never got combative, but my son's FIL did when he struggled with dementia.

In my wife's situation her neurologist once told us that patients tend to lash out at the person they feel the safest with. It is the person they believe they can show their emotions to and still be supported by. Seems counterintuitive, but after awhile it made sense to me. My wife often became angry with me. Often it was over some tiny thing, perhaps something I had overlooked, or simply something she thought I had! When this happens with our loved ones it is never easy to keep saying to ourselves, and believing, that it is the disease 'talking' and not our loved one. But chronic disease is a beast and does take its toll on even the strongest of patients -- and caregivers.

Caregiving is a tough job and when it is not tough it either tougher or the toughest! We can each only do what we are able to. In my son's case they made decision to move his FIL to a faciltity since he was too large and too aggressive for his wife to be able to handle. I wish I had some magic advice, but what I can say is to remember that Superman and Wonder Woman only exist in the comics! There are no superheroes in caregiving. We are only human!

Are there certain aspects of caregiving that you struggle with more than others?

Stength, courage, and peace!

@kw1904861 I just thought I would check and see how things are going. All of the discussions in this group are filled with good points—have you had a chance to think about them? I’ve not been a caregiver so @jimwills and @IndianaScott are much more knowledgeable than me. Are you taking good care of yourself like @jimwills suggests?