Husband diagnosed MCI: He is in denial and personality is changing

I don't remember if I read about this here or elsewhere, but ... I just bought the book "Contented Dementia" --"brings amazing benefits for patients and carers." I mention it even though I haven't read it yet because I figure that even if I had read it, and then either recommended it or not, that wouldn't mean someone else could or won't benefit from the information in it. (It is from 2008.)

No, you aren't the only one with similar feelings. I find myself being very weepy in response to watching and listening to my husband struggle with newly diagnosed Parkinson's Disease and his lack of insight. And no, there is no appreciation - for us it has meant leaving a much-loved mountain cabin and moving the whole family down to a more oxygenated elevation (from 9300' in Rocky Mtns); healthy diet; regular visits to a gym and the library; managing his meds and medical appointments; setting up and getting him to at least one social event a day so that he interacts with (or at least sees) other people. Both of us have given up many things we loved doing and this is far from what we had planned to do in retirement. He refuses to discuss PD let alone read anything about the disease; and sarcastically tells me and health providers that the only person who thinks he has problems is me. (But so far, every sign and symptom I have identified has been substantiated by lab work and testing by professionals) Best wishes to you in your continuing care for your partner. Onward and upward!

I can’t believe what you have been through. All I have is my one aunt to ocassionally look after. I had quit a time with my mom before she passed. I feel so useless after hearing your story. Surely you will enter sainthood some day! Wish you lived in NOLA as I would offer some help!

That's very sweet, I'm care giving myself now. With my cousin I learned I had to let others take care of her, my care-giving reserves were/are tapped out. Stay well.....v

My guy has not been diagnosed: outside of home, he is pretty much as he was. But, given any level of not-perfect, he gets frustrated, yells and always wants more than I have to give. No indication that I might be tired, etc. So, I keep trying to remember to take care of myself first: he is safe, just angry. I go into another room, pick up another activity and, while I can, leave the house for errands every few days or meet a friend for lunch. Valium used to help my BIL, but they will not prescribe it. Instead we have Seroquel, which puts him to sleep. I keep a good schedule for non-processed meals, but I do not look forward to a time when I have to manage his meds.

I like your approach with the 20 minute intervals. My wife has MCI and not as severe as full on Alzheimer’s or dementia. However, the emotional comport is similar. My thinking is now this; I need to manage my exposure time carefully. There are times when I need to just exit the situation for a time, and also plan for days away regularly or even a week away for a couple times a year.
I just cannot devote my entire life to my wife’s interest alone. I believe my calling is to serve others and love them too, and if all of my time is consumed with my wife alone, I’m unable to do that .

I have not written lately because I have been busy and things didn't seem so bad but today I lost it. Negative negative negative and telling me I can't find time to stream our show together. All he can think about. I only wish all I had to think about was " When are we going to watch our show?"
Last night my daughter and granddaughter came for dinner. We had not been with our granddaughter to just enjoy time together. They came over and we had burgers on the deck and then we always like to watch Jeopardy together. My husband says he is not going to watch it and wants me to put on his show. It was really sad. As usual I tried to appease him and also explained this is our time with our daughter and granddaughter. It's not all about him. But it is all about him. I can't go a minute without thinking of him, yet I am still not doing enough. I am ready to explode. And actually, I did this morning. I exploded in the car and was sobbing. My tears are anger and sadness then terrible guilt for yelling and then I worry about him. I took him to the fitness center, which he loves and hopefully he is okay. But I am exhausted.
I could write so much more but want you and everyone else here to know you are not alone. We are losing the person we love and counted on to help us and to make our life better sometimes.
Yes-personality changes. He can't help it and I can't either. Hang in there and thank you for being there and sharing.

Your comments - “I need to manage my exposure time carefully. There are times when I need to just exit the situation for a time, and also plan for days away regularly or even a week away for a couple times a year.”
This actually makes sense to me in terms of protecting one’s sanity. Or is it selfish? Opinions?

Makes sense to me too but hard to get away without still thinking of them constantly. I did just get away for a girls trip. My husband's best friend stayed with him for 4 days. They did well. I have cameras so still kept an eye but was able to relax and have fun and laugh. But I came back exhausted. Everyone says get away by yourself and I would love to do that but need more help.
And we can't think of it as selfish in a negative way. We have to be selfish or there will be no self to care for our loved ones. Message to self.

So glad you got away on your girls’ trip! 👍