When you truly, honestly hate yourself

Here is the link for Simon Mundie’s webinar, Happier Life Lessons:

@aczatx47131 - Wow! Thanks for ALL of the above!

I recommend the (free, 10-day) Daily Check-in...I'm a "creative" and highly visual type, and the simple, graphic animation used for the reminders is very welcoming to me,

Also, I'd signed up for yesterday's Zoom webinar, but it coincided with some other things I have going on, so I'm especially glad to hear it will be or is available to view after the fact.

It not only helps to be referred to these resources, but the interaction with you here on MCC, and your insights on what you recommend, and your experience with them, especially your practical approach to handling pain recently is really useful. I have pain from a second procedure right now, and while it isn't nearly as excruciating as the intermittent pain I had from the more extensive first procedure of 2 months ago, it has surprised me with its intensity - to the point where I'm yelling/swearing at it when it surprises me and compromises my ability to walk, until it passes.

I know that is not an effective way to handle it - especially after reading about your successful approach! 😜 - but it was my instinctive reaction (and surprise) that governed at the time🤬 . I will see if I can acknowledge the pain the way you described it, and maybe I can manage better😖 . I know we're all different in how we handle things, but I supposed it's also a reflection of some of the other struggles I'm having (like a suddenly rapidly aging, challenging 94-year old mother who needs more care than either my sibling or I can healthfully physically or mentally manage). We're trying to handle things the right way, but no way is going to make her happy. I'll leave it at that.

Thank you, thank you, again! Will keep checking in on ActionForHappiness.com, and to see what else we might share on that & other experiences!

I will check out the Daily Check In.

My physical pain is not intense. My chemo therapy weakens my stamina. My muscles ache as a result. I hope Mundie’s techniques will help your pain. The speaker made it clear that the pain is not alleviated, only our resistance to it.

Your mother is fortunate to have you for a daughter. My “mother” was so gracious to the nurses in the hospital when she broke her hip. When she got home, she was so demeaning to me when I tried to care for her. When I confronted her, she called her sister to come care for her.

Caregiving is tough. Do you know about the articles that suggest tips for caregivers to prevent stress and burnout? If not, I can easily find some.

Your enthusiasm and willingness to explore new materials are refreshing. It is fun to share new ideas and experiences as we all find new ways to solve these perplexing problems.

Thanks so much @aczatx47131 - In general, love learning, always curious, and can't seem to ever get too much info!

As for family & caregiving, would welcome any material / links you'd care to share. Esp. when there are lifetime issues with parent/s that were never addressed by the parents, but which we siblings (in our very different ways) have struggled with - and not very successfully managed, to our detriment.

Very sad situation, but true. But when those involved won't deal with their own issues, and refuse help (which they don't view as helpful), it is hopeless...though for some reason, I keep thinking it is possible....probably also to my own detriment, because I'm not letting go.

ANYWAY - I feel for what you've described as your background, and wish you well with that - it is (or can be, for many of us) insidious.

Best.

My “parents” stonewalled all my attempts to improve communication by dealing with issues from the past. By my thirties with the help of therapists, I divorced my parents and sisters. It was very painful for me but the family system was so hurtful to me. My sisters cared for my parents in their declining health. I was pretty much cut out of their will which was fine with me.

I have had no personal experience caring for aging parents.

I found two articles that might be helpful to you. There are lots of articles online written by agencies that give care to aging folks.

This one is from the American Heart Association:
https://www.heart.org/en/health-topics/caregiver-support/top-10-caregiver-tips-for-staying-healthy-and-active
This one gives suggestions for difficult parents:
https://arborsassistedliving.com/4-expert-tips-for-handling-difficult-parents/
Best,
Claire

I relate. I have dealt with the knowledge of how shty of a person I am and how much I despise my very existence for over 50 years. I wish I could write it all down but there's not enough time in the day, nor do I want to be a complainer, more than. I already am. I will just say this..I have done all kinds if therapy, medications, and such and nothing has changed. The only thing (I believe) meds do is mask the REAL me..the POS that my parents thought about aborting. They knew that I was a mistake. People will say God doesn't make mistakes...that may be true, but He didn't create me, He created Adam and Eve and then gave them the ability to procreate and multiply without any interference, thereby allowing everyone after them to make the mistake. I am not suicidal as I am to chicken and don't want to hurt my kids and ex wife, but I feel like I'm already hurting them. I can't stand anything about me. I have taken mirrors down around the house, fixed my car mirror so I can't see my disgusting face, avoid any and all pictures that have me in them. I sympathize with you...

I have counseled ex-cons, including folks who have taken life. I have found hope for them and that definitely means there is hope for you.

Maybe not in some simplistic Hallmark Card kind of way, but maybe there is some way.

I guess you have tried various things and they failed.

What I would suggest is that you re-visit the basic things that folks do - therapy, Yoga, meditation...and just keep slowly working "the program."

See if there is something you missed. Take your time.

Sometimes, the things that we try do work, but at a much slower pace that we are accommodated to. As far as meditation goes...it really takes up to three years just to get a decent start.

Also, a very simple therapy for hating yourself, is to just get out there and do volunteer work for others.

If nothing else, getting absorbed in helping others, keeps our mind from our own problems and thinking about ourselves.

I have done reading for the blind, worked in a food bank, other things.

I always feel better after doing a session of that.

And, of course check and review, re basic medical problems, physical problems. You might have some kind of medical problem going on that is messing with your brain chemistry or other issues.

In 1982 I was kidnapped and held for a time. Needless to say, I have enormous problems from that experience.

And very very bad insomnia. And I can say this, any time I sleep longer or better, I just feel better. So clearly, some medical problems are putting pressure on how I think and feel.

very sorry about the difficulites
take care now

I wrote this to the original person who posted, but maybe it applies to you as well?

I have counseled ex-cons, including folks who have taken life. I have found hope for them and that definitely means there is hope for you.

By the way, one of the things I found among ex-cons, is that they all seem to have a horrible self-image. And I think that is not caused by their criminal activities, but was the CAUSE of their criminal activities. Feeling horrible about themselves was a major factor in them starting to engage with criminal behavior.

And I was able to find humanity in those guys. And if it exists in them, it also exists in you. And there is hope. There is always hope.

Maybe not in some simplistic Hallmark Card kind of way, but maybe there is some way.

I guess you have tried various things and they failed.

What I would suggest is that you re-visit the basic things that folks do - therapy, Yoga, meditation...and just keep slowly working "the program."

See if there is something you missed. Take your time.

Sometimes, the things that we try do work, but at a much slower pace that we are accommodated to. As far as meditation goes...it really takes up to three years just to get a decent start.

Also, a very simple therapy for hating yourself, is to just get out there and do volunteer work for others.

If nothing else, getting absorbed in helping others, keeps our mind from our own problems and thinking about ourselves.

I have done reading for the blind, worked in a food bank, other things.

I always feel better after doing a session of that.

And, of course check and review, re basic medical problems, physical problems. You might have some kind of medical problem going on that is messing with your brain chemistry or other issues.

In 1982 I was kidnapped and held for a time. Needless to say, I have enormous problems from that experience.

And very very bad insomnia. And I can say this, any time I sleep longer or better, I just feel better. So clearly, some medical problems are putting pressure on how I think and feel.

very sorry about the difficultites
take care now

If there are things you can control then change for the better. If there are things you can’t change then you have to do some radical acceptance of those things. And if you’re a Christian, then I hope it will help you to know that God loves you mo matter what.
Take it one day at a time and find a therapist!

Do not give up. You are worth the effort to get into a better frame of mind.

I grew up in a nice family, where my mom told me often throughout the day what i was doing wrong and what was wrong with me. I guess she thought that was the thing to do, though my brother did not ever get this treatment and was well-loved. He was born with a penis! Anyway, I am now in my 70's and I am sure that there is no one who really likes me and that I am barely tolerated by people. I can observe that people do seem to like me and I have had a good career, but I will never believe it fully. I hate having this.

So take a look around and see what the reality is. I found assertiveness training and positive self-statements, which I have used for years daily, have really helped. So has therapy which helped me learn my truth about my life. So has opening to someone wonderful (my husband) who I believe really does love me because we have been together for 42 years and he has been very understanding and warm and kind. He's also not a saint, just a decent man!