Activities to do with your loved one: Share your tips

My husband has dementia and was diagnosed in 2016 at the age of 66. He was a workaholic and thus had little to no interests outside of his job, very few friends and not much of a desire to do anything. I am his sole caregiver and at times am struggling with how to get him to interact with anything. Caring for him physically is not hard at the moment but he is definitely declining. I suffer with bad knees and diabetes. Everything thing is on my shoulders. I go to caregiver meetings in my area and take him to adult daycare twice a week. But how am I supposed to be there for him in activities that he has no interest in?

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My husband has dementia and was diagnosed in 2016 at the age of 66. He was a workaholic and thus had little to no interests outside of his job, very few friends and not much of a desire to do anything. I am his sole caregiver and at times am struggling with how to get him to interact with anything. Caring for him physically is not hard at the moment but he is definitely declining. I suffer with bad knees and diabetes. Everything thing is on my shoulders. I go to caregiver meetings in my area and take him to adult daycare twice a week. But how am I supposed to be there for him in activities that he has no interest in?

Jump to this post

My husband has dementia and was diagnosed in 2016 at the age of 66. He was a workaholic and thus had little to no interests outside of his job, very few friends and not much of a desire to do anything. I am his sole caregiver and at times am struggling with how to get him to interact with anything. Caring for him physically is not hard at the moment but he is definitely declining. I suffer with bad knees and diabetes. Everything thing is on my shoulders. I go to caregiver meetings in my area and take him to adult daycare twice a week. But how am I supposed to be there for him in activities that he has no interest in?

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My husband was diagnosed with MCI in 2019. He's stable, but at 92, not very energetic and perfectly happy to lie in bed until noon or so, then have a brunch type meal, then listen to classical music or chat me up if I actually have time to sit down! I'm 13 years younger and because he is not agile, can't completely dress himself, but that's the only physical help he needs. The staying in bed distresses me and the neurologist assured me it's not depression - just lack of motivation. His prescription was to get him to some social thing regularly. Like lunch at the Senior Center. He, like your husband, was not a guy's guy and preferred being at home with the family. And when you're 92, you're lucky if you have any friends alive to even call! We do have an occupational therapist who comes twice a week and he perks up when she's here and I will say he's a little more lively since she's been coming. But these sessions will end. I don't see him suddenly wanting to go to bingo or do singalongs. I am able to get to yoga classes a couple of times a week, but I feel bad that he does nothing. HE doesn't feel bad about it, mind you. Watching TV is a challenge - can't follow any plotline that's at all involved and reading too - remembering what he just read is hard work and frustrating. I bought walkie talkies for us so I can at least be outside gardening when the weather's good and I don't have to keep coming in to reassure him that I'm still there. We use a white board with 'where i am info' but he likes to use the walkie talkies. I'm just grateful that he isn't belligerent or depressed or angry or abusive. I just feel he deserves better. But he's fine with the status quo!

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My husband was diagnosed with MCI in 2019. He's stable, but at 92, not very energetic and perfectly happy to lie in bed until noon or so, then have a brunch type meal, then listen to classical music or chat me up if I actually have time to sit down! I'm 13 years younger and because he is not agile, can't completely dress himself, but that's the only physical help he needs. The staying in bed distresses me and the neurologist assured me it's not depression - just lack of motivation. His prescription was to get him to some social thing regularly. Like lunch at the Senior Center. He, like your husband, was not a guy's guy and preferred being at home with the family. And when you're 92, you're lucky if you have any friends alive to even call! We do have an occupational therapist who comes twice a week and he perks up when she's here and I will say he's a little more lively since she's been coming. But these sessions will end. I don't see him suddenly wanting to go to bingo or do singalongs. I am able to get to yoga classes a couple of times a week, but I feel bad that he does nothing. HE doesn't feel bad about it, mind you. Watching TV is a challenge - can't follow any plotline that's at all involved and reading too - remembering what he just read is hard work and frustrating. I bought walkie talkies for us so I can at least be outside gardening when the weather's good and I don't have to keep coming in to reassure him that I'm still there. We use a white board with 'where i am info' but he likes to use the walkie talkies. I'm just grateful that he isn't belligerent or depressed or angry or abusive. I just feel he deserves better. But he's fine with the status quo!

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My husband was diagnosed with MCI in 2019. He's stable, but at 92, not very energetic and perfectly happy to lie in bed until noon or so, then have a brunch type meal, then listen to classical music or chat me up if I actually have time to sit down! I'm 13 years younger and because he is not agile, can't completely dress himself, but that's the only physical help he needs. The staying in bed distresses me and the neurologist assured me it's not depression - just lack of motivation. His prescription was to get him to some social thing regularly. Like lunch at the Senior Center. He, like your husband, was not a guy's guy and preferred being at home with the family. And when you're 92, you're lucky if you have any friends alive to even call! We do have an occupational therapist who comes twice a week and he perks up when she's here and I will say he's a little more lively since she's been coming. But these sessions will end. I don't see him suddenly wanting to go to bingo or do singalongs. I am able to get to yoga classes a couple of times a week, but I feel bad that he does nothing. HE doesn't feel bad about it, mind you. Watching TV is a challenge - can't follow any plotline that's at all involved and reading too - remembering what he just read is hard work and frustrating. I bought walkie talkies for us so I can at least be outside gardening when the weather's good and I don't have to keep coming in to reassure him that I'm still there. We use a white board with 'where i am info' but he likes to use the walkie talkies. I'm just grateful that he isn't belligerent or depressed or angry or abusive. I just feel he deserves better. But he's fine with the status quo!

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Could he maybe take some online exercise classes, like from SilverSneakers?

He wouldn't have to actually do anything, just watch. I bet it would motivate him to follow along, bit by bit. It works for me, anyway.

For music, does he listen to the same favorites, over and over, or is he looking for unfamiliar works? I ask because on Amazon digital music, there are anthologies of concertos (piano / violin) of literally dozens of works, by lesser-known composers. Lots of great music, hours and hours, for just a few bucks.

It might spark his curiosity to explore more. Just a thought.

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Hi @way2jackie and @crankyyankee, your situations sound similar to ours. My husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer's in 2017. He's had a good disposition throughout, and is extremely forgetful, but still articulate.
He gets up very early to rummage in the fridge - so I always have muffins on hand to eat and yogurt, then he goes back to bed, often for most of the morning, unless there's something going on in the neighborhood he can watch.
I was concerned about his wanting to stay in bed so much. The neurologist told me that's part of the disease. Recently, the geratrician told me that the brain needs recharging, like a battery that's lost energy.
My husband has no interest in going to a day program.
I can get him out to walk, and if it's raining, he'll do some exercises with me in the house. We have a soft plastic ball, that's large, and he'll play catch for a while. That was something the OT did with him after he broke his hip.
Maybe when your husband's OT sessions end you can get him to do similar exercises with you or have someone in once a week.
Once in a while, my husband will play Scrabble with me. I play often by myself and he'll visit the board to check out the words.
I've also purchased a number of "Adult" jigsaw puzzles that he'll work on. Lately, he does them on his own while I cook. I help him out with a piece once in a while.
To keep him engaged, I ask him to help me with chores around the house which he does willingly. He also enjoys going out to lunch, which I'm going to try to do more often.
In the beginning it was hard for me to accept all the time he wanted to rest, but I understand now that he needs it. And he is very content for which I am thankful.
Best to you both.

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