Writing to Your Donor's Family.

My husband received his liver July 7, 2018. We sent a letter on his one year "transplantversary". We have never gotten a reply and I don't know what we would do if we did.

In my opinion, I say send a letter. It's never to late to say thank you. I'm sure they will appreciate the fact that you are still so thankful for the wonderful gift you received.

Blessings,
JoDee

Hello. I received my transplant in November 2017. After the four month period dictated by the organization, I got a nice card and started a letter. I rewrote/restarted quite a few times. I got it back through the proper channels. It was edited and deemed perfect, except included were two photos - one of our family on Easter showing all of us with matching tee shirts with the caption “Team xxx(my nickname), the back saying “Team xxx(the hospital where the transplant took place) and the title caption “Miracles do happen”. The one on the back could not be sent. Through a quirk, my donor parents had it on their table, their daughter had seen the card and noted she had seen the photo some where else. Our eldest daughter had posted on a business twitter. The donor’s sister contacted our daughter at 5 one morning and our daughter called us. What nervous energy that call created! Do I contact them, do I want to contact them? I spoke with my nurse coordinator. She said this happenstance occurrence was indeed rare, but I was “the driver in charge” from that point. Long story, we met and it was extremely helpful to the father, for it had been a suicide. They came to our Gift of Life celebration and found it extremely helpful and that celebration was 22 months post. We are not close and our paths would never has crossed otherwise, but what a connection! I think of them, their son and their loss daily and thank God for their selfless generosity. My advise to you - do it! They may or may not want to hear from you. Start your note with the last sentence from your post. Good luck! Aren’t we in a fortunate club?

I received my transplant in 2016, I'm so grateful that they made the difficult decision to donate their family members organs that I wasn and still become overwhelmed with emotion. So I wrote the family ( 6 months after )to thank them for their sacrifice so that I could be granted a new life at 66 years old I wanted to live so I could continue to celebrate life with my spouse and grandchildren. Since my transplant We have celebrated two more grandchildren being born. I'm so grateful 🙏

Hi @funk8nguy. Great question. It's never too late for kindness.
You'll notice that I moved your message to this existing discussion called "Writing to Your Donor's Family." In addition to the replies you've aleady gotton from @rwalkie @corn50 and @jodeej, you can click VIEW & REPLY to review comments made from other members too.

Here's another discussion that people might be interested in too:
- Letter to donor family: I'm not sure how to start https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/letter-to-donor-family/

@jodeej, you've come a long way! I think it'll be interesting for you to read your past comments.

Funk8nguy, in my opinion, it's never too late for kindness. If it's on your mind now, it's the right time.

@jodeej I also sent a letter to my donor's family on my one year transplantversary . I havent heard back but I feel better knowing that I reached out to them and expressed my gratefulness.

Good that you feel better. My donor family wanted to hear from their son’s recipients, especially his heart. Mine was the only note they received. But some families want no communication/connection. I think when they attended the Gift of Life, they realized what a gift they had provided, whether it was my liver, another’s kidney, heart, etc. they attended the recipients’ celebration with our family.

@gaylea1 so do we. I understand how difficult it must be for them. We know that it was a 50'ish year old woman that had a stroke. If she was married and had kids they were most likely still trying to find their new normal. I sometimes wonder if they even agreed to accept the letter.

@funk8nguy I started my letter with condolences and heartfelt sorrow for their loss. I acknowledged the value of the life that was lost and that my life was saved and how grateful my kids, family and friends were.

@jodeej I have no idea about my donor, the family or how she/he died. I hoped that I didn't upset anyone with my letter (if they even read it) but I kept it focused more on the donor than myself. I also didn't ramble about my own journey to the transplant but what I had to look forward to with the giift of life.

@funk8nguy It is never too late, and I'll wager recipients are grateful everyday. My husband received a kidney Oct 2016 and we often speak of his "present to be present". We crafted a letter and sent it through the channels, but never heard back. As others have mentioned, showing gratitude is timeless, and he focused on what he is now able to continue doing. While mourning the loss of a loved one, the gifting of a chance to live cannot be underplayed. Simple appreciation is heartfelt.
Ginger