1. < Aging Well

Loneliness: Why am I depressed?

Posted by nanette2022 @nanette2022, Aug 14, 2021

I have everything to be happy for yet I am depressed because I live by myself, I have no family here, and loneliness is starting to get the best of me. I love to write (I am a published author) love to cook (but no one cares to come for dinner) and gardening. Why am I so sad?

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Mentor
Teresa, Volunteer Mentor | @hopeful33250 | Feb 10, 2022
In reply to @lindasmith1222 "I had a referral and just need to connect with the therapist. Playing phone tag right..." + (show)
@lindasmith1222

I had a referral and just need to connect with the therapist. Playing phone tag right now. I have PTSD, too, as this move to the southeast from the southwest was unexpected. We lost our home suddenly as had an electrical fire. I was diagnosed with the PTSD shortly after experiencing all the loss that a house fire brings. Having major depressive disorder since age 14, I wonder how someone avoids life or handles the kind of stress I am dealing with. I get so tired.

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Yes, depression and PTSD are very fatiguing. If you can get out and take short walks that would lift your spirits until you are able to get an appointment for some professional help.

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Mentor
Ginger, Volunteer Mentor | @gingerw | Feb 10, 2022
In reply to @lindasmith1222 "I had a referral and just need to connect with the therapist. Playing phone tag right..." + (show)
@lindasmith1222

I had a referral and just need to connect with the therapist. Playing phone tag right now. I have PTSD, too, as this move to the southeast from the southwest was unexpected. We lost our home suddenly as had an electrical fire. I was diagnosed with the PTSD shortly after experiencing all the loss that a house fire brings. Having major depressive disorder since age 14, I wonder how someone avoids life or handles the kind of stress I am dealing with. I get so tired.

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@lindasmith1222 You asked how someone avoids life or handles the kind of stress you are dealing with. My answer, certainly not meant to be tongue-in-cheek or flippant, believe me, is to be gentle on yourself, and patient. You are in a fragile spot. As @hopeful33250 said, it is a situation that makes your whole body ache, and your mind has a hard time accepting everything. Getting outside for some fresh air will help. Letting yourself be grateful for what is in your life now, may also help.

What did you do today to ease your stress levels?
Ginger

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1 reply
lindasmith1222 | @lindasmith1222 | Feb 11, 2022
In reply to @gingerw "@lindasmith1222 You asked how someone avoids life or handles the kind of stress you are dealing..." + (show)
@gingerw

@lindasmith1222 You asked how someone avoids life or handles the kind of stress you are dealing with. My answer, certainly not meant to be tongue-in-cheek or flippant, believe me, is to be gentle on yourself, and patient. You are in a fragile spot. As @hopeful33250 said, it is a situation that makes your whole body ache, and your mind has a hard time accepting everything. Getting outside for some fresh air will help. Letting yourself be grateful for what is in your life now, may also help.

What did you do today to ease your stress levels?
Ginger

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Yesterday I went to a consignment store. My husband drove and I stayed in the car, but it was progress. I took a 5-minute walk last evening. Today I plan on going to the beach. I woke up with depression but it lifted after I moved around for 15 minutes, i.e., made coffee, fed the dog, which is usually my husband's 'job.' My self-care is much lacking, but I am mentally working myself toward the shower. It is baby steps and I am hard on myself.

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Mentor
Sue, Volunteer Mentor | @sueinmn | Feb 11, 2022

Every baby step helps when you are trying to go forward. Some days are better than others, but even if we have never had depression, almost everyone here understands that feeling of paralysis, whether from pain, depression, post-illness weakness...
Just take it slow, and keep looking for some help.
Sue

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Mentor
Ginger, Volunteer Mentor | @gingerw | Feb 11, 2022
In reply to @lindasmith1222 "Yesterday I went to a consignment store. My husband drove and I stayed in the car,..." + (show)
@lindasmith1222

Yesterday I went to a consignment store. My husband drove and I stayed in the car, but it was progress. I took a 5-minute walk last evening. Today I plan on going to the beach. I woke up with depression but it lifted after I moved around for 15 minutes, i.e., made coffee, fed the dog, which is usually my husband's 'job.' My self-care is much lacking, but I am mentally working myself toward the shower. It is baby steps and I am hard on myself.

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@lindasmith1222 Congratulate yourself! I'd give you a high-five or a gentle hug if we were sitting at the kitchen table! I know it takes a certain mindset to go beyond where we are, and you did it. Even though you sat in the car yesterday, you got out of the house, and had different scenery. Do you think next time you might get in to the store and wander a bit?

A little story for you that relates to your house fire. Our neighbors who moved here in Dec 2019, lost most everything they owned due to a wildfire. Even now when she and I have gone yard saling or to a thrift store, she will mention, "oh, we lost something like that in the fire". So, you see, they pivot their time from before fire, to after fire. Like you, they also ended up moving about 500 miles from where they had been, to an area they knew nothing about, and knew noone. It is not easy, and you are doing good. Baby steps everyday!
Ginger

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1 reply
ess77 - Elizabeth | @ess77 | Feb 11, 2022
In reply to @gingerw "@lindasmith1222 Congratulate yourself! I'd give you a high-five or a gentle hug if we were sitting..." + (show)
@gingerw

@lindasmith1222 Congratulate yourself! I'd give you a high-five or a gentle hug if we were sitting at the kitchen table! I know it takes a certain mindset to go beyond where we are, and you did it. Even though you sat in the car yesterday, you got out of the house, and had different scenery. Do you think next time you might get in to the store and wander a bit?

A little story for you that relates to your house fire. Our neighbors who moved here in Dec 2019, lost most everything they owned due to a wildfire. Even now when she and I have gone yard saling or to a thrift store, she will mention, "oh, we lost something like that in the fire". So, you see, they pivot their time from before fire, to after fire. Like you, they also ended up moving about 500 miles from where they had been, to an area they knew nothing about, and knew noone. It is not easy, and you are doing good. Baby steps everyday!
Ginger

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@lindasmith1222, and all...Hello, Linda. I've just read your messages and feel like I can walk next to you on this path. And, boy, have you come to the right place for all kinds of help from people who truly understand, having all dealt with this lousy depression in various stages and states.

I'm in a much different life than you, but experiencing many similar feelings of depression, hiding, fear, being frozen, and more. I'm just now coming out of a deeply emotional time triggered by new illnesses. But, you went on a car trip, yes? Yea! A big step forward. Walk on the beach....what a great decision to move to Florida! I'm in Jacksonville, we have several folks in Fl on Connect. I do hope the sunshine and ocean bring you health and peace.

These are great suggestions and understanding from @sueinmn and @hopeful33250 and @gingerw - these ladies are the best. Have guided me and so many through dark times. Congratulations, on the baby steps. Keep it up, Linda. take one little step at a time, and chat with your psychiatrist. You're on the best road to success.

Blessings, elizabeth

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Moderator
Colleen Young, Connect Director | @colleenyoung | Feb 12, 2022
In reply to @nanette2022 "Dearest Linda, I can relate and this is what I have decided to do: I will..." + (show)
@nanette2022

Dearest Linda, I can relate and this is what I have decided to do: I will no longer focus on taking the thorns out of the rose's stem, I will focus on the flower itself. By following too many "focus groups" I focused too much on the problems of everyone, I do not see many solutions. When I send an email I attach to it a signature going out:

How to be happy?Wake up with a positive thought, Practice gratitude. Organize a pleasant moment during the day. Do one thing at a time.

Responding:
Today's world is filled with bankers who want to die rich, bureaucrats embarrassed by the success of their peers, filled with ghosts who no longer know how to read or write and who have erased from their vocabulary the words: thank you, please, gratitude and poetry. Make an effort not to contribute!

You are not alone, God bless you and all of your love ones.

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I love the thorn and rose analogy, @nanette2022. “I have decided to do: I will no longer focus on taking the thorns out of the rose's stem, I will focus on the flower itself.“

I wanted to point you to a blog post that Dr. Bento wrote in The Health & Mindfulness blog here:
- Find your MAP to your Habits https://connect.mayoclinic.org/blog/mindfulness-in-health/newsfeed-post/find-your-map-to-your-habits/

I think you and several others in this discussion group are singing from the same song sheet. 🙂

What roses did you choose to see today?

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1 reply
nanette2022 | @nanette2022 | Feb 12, 2022
In reply to @colleenyoung "I love the thorn and rose analogy, @nanette2022. “I have decided to do: I will no..." + (show)
@colleenyoung

I love the thorn and rose analogy, @nanette2022. “I have decided to do: I will no longer focus on taking the thorns out of the rose's stem, I will focus on the flower itself.“

I wanted to point you to a blog post that Dr. Bento wrote in The Health & Mindfulness blog here:
- Find your MAP to your Habits https://connect.mayoclinic.org/blog/mindfulness-in-health/newsfeed-post/find-your-map-to-your-habits/

I think you and several others in this discussion group are singing from the same song sheet. 🙂

What roses did you choose to see today?

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I chose to be Myself. Dear Colleen, about a month ago I joined AA in the but of finding hope and strength, what I found instead is a continuous remembrance of my alcoholism, almost to encourage me to continue to be an alcoholic; never did I find a way to break the mold to find a positive solution. I do not want to forget but neither do I want to focus on it on a permanent basis. I have gone online to attend several meetings and NEVER DO I FIND A SOLUTION. In an other matter, people keep telling me that I need to share, when I do, I am told I focus too much on the negative, when I bring up the good points in my personality, I am told that I am bragging too much, I am confused... Today, reading an article on the web, I understand why some people chose to go in isolation, there they/I am at liberty to focus on one thing at a time. I am tired of living; I wish I could find people who would share positive matters, who would feel free to share the good and not be afraid to be who they are.

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2 replies
esthermayo | @esthermayo | Feb 12, 2022
In reply to @nanette2022 "I chose to be Myself. Dear Colleen, about a month ago I joined AA in the..." + (show)
@nanette2022

I chose to be Myself. Dear Colleen, about a month ago I joined AA in the but of finding hope and strength, what I found instead is a continuous remembrance of my alcoholism, almost to encourage me to continue to be an alcoholic; never did I find a way to break the mold to find a positive solution. I do not want to forget but neither do I want to focus on it on a permanent basis. I have gone online to attend several meetings and NEVER DO I FIND A SOLUTION. In an other matter, people keep telling me that I need to share, when I do, I am told I focus too much on the negative, when I bring up the good points in my personality, I am told that I am bragging too much, I am confused... Today, reading an article on the web, I understand why some people chose to go in isolation, there they/I am at liberty to focus on one thing at a time. I am tired of living; I wish I could find people who would share positive matters, who would feel free to share the good and not be afraid to be who they are.

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Many people are afraid of negative feelings. I've found that its important to accept that and seek out others who are not as afraid. Support groups can help, because they are all about acceptance.

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1 reply
Mentor
Helen, Volunteer Mentor | @naturegirl5 | Feb 12, 2022
In reply to @nanette2022 "I chose to be Myself. Dear Colleen, about a month ago I joined AA in the..." + (show)
@nanette2022

I chose to be Myself. Dear Colleen, about a month ago I joined AA in the but of finding hope and strength, what I found instead is a continuous remembrance of my alcoholism, almost to encourage me to continue to be an alcoholic; never did I find a way to break the mold to find a positive solution. I do not want to forget but neither do I want to focus on it on a permanent basis. I have gone online to attend several meetings and NEVER DO I FIND A SOLUTION. In an other matter, people keep telling me that I need to share, when I do, I am told I focus too much on the negative, when I bring up the good points in my personality, I am told that I am bragging too much, I am confused... Today, reading an article on the web, I understand why some people chose to go in isolation, there they/I am at liberty to focus on one thing at a time. I am tired of living; I wish I could find people who would share positive matters, who would feel free to share the good and not be afraid to be who they are.

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Dear @nanette2022. Your post leads me to think that the AA groups you've been in don't "click" with you. You haven't yet located your own home group where you can be yourself and provide support to others while allowing them to provide support to you. When someone tells you that you are too negative or too positive (as in telling you that you are bragging) to me this means they are taking your inventory (4th Step). Is there peer recovery coaching where you are? These are folks with many years of recovery under their belts who have been trained to take on this role and help others. This is meant to be at no cost. to you. At least it is where I live in Michigan. Recovery in depression (that's me) and alcohol (that's my family) is complicated. I hope you will keep at it and find what works best for you. Will you please come back here and keep allow all of us to provide you with support and virtual hugs (((nanette2022))).

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