Loneliness: Why am I depressed?

Posted by nanette2022 @nanette2022, Aug 14, 2021

I have everything to be happy for yet I am depressed because I live by myself, I have no family here, and loneliness is starting to get the best of me. I love to write (I am a published author) love to cook (but no one cares to come for dinner) and gardening. Why am I so sad?

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Hello. I can totally relate. Writing (I am also an author) Is solitary work. I also love to cook and am just getting into gardening. I have learned that I really need people around me. But, it is not easy to find the people that want a two way relationship. I am looking at finding a church community that has outreach programs, where I can join with others to help people. I have a friend who is helping a community that cooks meals for the homeless. Another friend found Meet-ups helpful when she was looking for like minded friends. All the best to you in your search.

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@artgirl2

Hello. I can totally relate. Writing (I am also an author) Is solitary work. I also love to cook and am just getting into gardening. I have learned that I really need people around me. But, it is not easy to find the people that want a two way relationship. I am looking at finding a church community that has outreach programs, where I can join with others to help people. I have a friend who is helping a community that cooks meals for the homeless. Another friend found Meet-ups helpful when she was looking for like minded friends. All the best to you in your search.

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How can the two of us meet/talk on email? How do we exchange telephone numbers?

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@nanette2022

How can the two of us meet/talk on email? How do we exchange telephone numbers?

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You can use the private message feature of Connect to share your contact information.
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/get-started-on-connect/#send-private-message

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@artgirl2

Hello. I can totally relate. Writing (I am also an author) Is solitary work. I also love to cook and am just getting into gardening. I have learned that I really need people around me. But, it is not easy to find the people that want a two way relationship. I am looking at finding a church community that has outreach programs, where I can join with others to help people. I have a friend who is helping a community that cooks meals for the homeless. Another friend found Meet-ups helpful when she was looking for like minded friends. All the best to you in your search.

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@artgirl2 Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect! I see this is your first post here, and it is a great one.

As you said, learning that you need other people around you, is a big step. I think people in general are not meant to be completely alone. And, as @nannette1941 is finding out, being alone can bring on depression. So, we have to go out and search for others. It is helpful to be very flexible, and understanding that we may not meet others who believe exactly like us, and that is okay too, as it helps broaden our horizons. Finding like-minded people can be tough, especially right now with renewed social restrictions. Groups that offer Zoom meetings can be helpful.

For me, living in a rural area, it has been tough to find others who I "click" with. I like doing things for charity, to help others out. We are blessed, and want to share with those locally who we can help, so we do as we can.

@artgirl2 how local are your outreach groups for you?
@nannette1941 do any of our suggestions sound like something you'd like to try?
Ginger

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@gingerw

@artgirl2 Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect! I see this is your first post here, and it is a great one.

As you said, learning that you need other people around you, is a big step. I think people in general are not meant to be completely alone. And, as @nannette1941 is finding out, being alone can bring on depression. So, we have to go out and search for others. It is helpful to be very flexible, and understanding that we may not meet others who believe exactly like us, and that is okay too, as it helps broaden our horizons. Finding like-minded people can be tough, especially right now with renewed social restrictions. Groups that offer Zoom meetings can be helpful.

For me, living in a rural area, it has been tough to find others who I "click" with. I like doing things for charity, to help others out. We are blessed, and want to share with those locally who we can help, so we do as we can.

@artgirl2 how local are your outreach groups for you?
@nannette1941 do any of our suggestions sound like something you'd like to try?
Ginger

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Hello Ginger:

How nice of you to respond. Yes, it does make sense about not always finding others that have similar interests. Thank you for pointing that out. I appreciate it.

Over the years, my outreach groups have varied. Since I have only been in this neighborhood for a year, I am still figuring out ways to connect. I do like my neighbors. They are very good acquaintances. Sometimes I bake and take treats over to one or two couples/families. That is really fun for me and they like it. There is an organization called SHIFT that I have connected with on and off over the past 4+ years. They meet every other week. Check out their website for more info. I am a co-leader in an organization called "Action for Happiness." It's educational and community building and was started in the UK as a response to pandemic isolation. We meet on Zoom once a month and follow an uplifting monthly schedule. I have connected with other writers via zoom through the Dakota County Library. I even took a watercolor painting class this year that I really enjoyed. I had no idea how great the libraries in our metro area are for connecting others and providing fun and educational opportunities. In the past, I have belonged to various quilter's groups. Some affiliated with churches make quilts for others. Eagan has an art center that I have yet to explore. There is a senior group in Eagan that has some very fun community activities. I've only joined them once for bingo, but I may go back this fall/winter when gardening season is over.

I am learning about managing my life as an unmarried 67 year old. It's not easy and I do have to work at being social. My oldest daughter lives with me and that is a wonderful help. Oh, one more thing- I used to belong to church in St. Paul that I really liked. I helped out with their festival and attended bible study. As I said, I have to find the opportunities that can meet my needs.

I hope this isn't too much information. But, these are things that have helped me recover from a difficult bout of depression/anxiety caused by working as a healthcare professional through a good part of the pandemic. I now work 1-2 days a week and I am very glad to be employed part time. My health- I am a pancreatic and breast cancer survivor. I have MGUS and some chronic GI issues related to the pancreatic cancer surgery. Mayo Clinic has not only saved my life, but the care givers have helped me to get the help I needed to keep going.

Thank you for reading. And thank you for providing this opportunity to share some of my struggles as well as some things that have worked for me. I do not have solutions for others, of course. But, if what I have shared helps, then that makes me happy.

Peace.

Mayr

REPLY
@artgirl2

Hello Ginger:

How nice of you to respond. Yes, it does make sense about not always finding others that have similar interests. Thank you for pointing that out. I appreciate it.

Over the years, my outreach groups have varied. Since I have only been in this neighborhood for a year, I am still figuring out ways to connect. I do like my neighbors. They are very good acquaintances. Sometimes I bake and take treats over to one or two couples/families. That is really fun for me and they like it. There is an organization called SHIFT that I have connected with on and off over the past 4+ years. They meet every other week. Check out their website for more info. I am a co-leader in an organization called "Action for Happiness." It's educational and community building and was started in the UK as a response to pandemic isolation. We meet on Zoom once a month and follow an uplifting monthly schedule. I have connected with other writers via zoom through the Dakota County Library. I even took a watercolor painting class this year that I really enjoyed. I had no idea how great the libraries in our metro area are for connecting others and providing fun and educational opportunities. In the past, I have belonged to various quilter's groups. Some affiliated with churches make quilts for others. Eagan has an art center that I have yet to explore. There is a senior group in Eagan that has some very fun community activities. I've only joined them once for bingo, but I may go back this fall/winter when gardening season is over.

I am learning about managing my life as an unmarried 67 year old. It's not easy and I do have to work at being social. My oldest daughter lives with me and that is a wonderful help. Oh, one more thing- I used to belong to church in St. Paul that I really liked. I helped out with their festival and attended bible study. As I said, I have to find the opportunities that can meet my needs.

I hope this isn't too much information. But, these are things that have helped me recover from a difficult bout of depression/anxiety caused by working as a healthcare professional through a good part of the pandemic. I now work 1-2 days a week and I am very glad to be employed part time. My health- I am a pancreatic and breast cancer survivor. I have MGUS and some chronic GI issues related to the pancreatic cancer surgery. Mayo Clinic has not only saved my life, but the care givers have helped me to get the help I needed to keep going.

Thank you for reading. And thank you for providing this opportunity to share some of my struggles as well as some things that have worked for me. I do not have solutions for others, of course. But, if what I have shared helps, then that makes me happy.

Peace.

Mayr

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@artgirl2 It's not too much information. You have shown your examples of what you have done, and nothing is better than clear example. By using crafts or other interests, we can go into groups and already have something in common.

In my experience, sadly, because I have never had children, some gatherings became very strained. I had no "small talk" to do about kids or grandkids. It wasn't enough to have a common interest.

@nannette1941 What types of groups around you might interest you? Perhaps something new, something you have always wanted to try? I look forward to hearing what you decide to do!
Ginger

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@gingerw

@artgirl2 It's not too much information. You have shown your examples of what you have done, and nothing is better than clear example. By using crafts or other interests, we can go into groups and already have something in common.

In my experience, sadly, because I have never had children, some gatherings became very strained. I had no "small talk" to do about kids or grandkids. It wasn't enough to have a common interest.

@nannette1941 What types of groups around you might interest you? Perhaps something new, something you have always wanted to try? I look forward to hearing what you decide to do!
Ginger

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I would like group whereby we could discuss current events without being abrasive or arrogant; discuss poetry, something we found and want to share, a good recipe…

REPLY
@nanette2022

I would like group whereby we could discuss current events without being abrasive or arrogant; discuss poetry, something we found and want to share, a good recipe…

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@nannette1941 That sounds wonderful! If you cannot find a group near you physically, perhaps an online or "Zoom" platform will work? And, you can always take the lead and start such a group! Be clear on what you wish to accomplish, keep it gentle and welcoming.

I am looking forward to hearing what you find, or get started!
Ginger

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@migizii. I have found it very difficult to find activities and groups in the rural area I live in that do not openly conflict with my personal philosophies (although I try to refrain from saying anything when around others). As I’ve gotten older and acquired some health conditions, it has added more challenges as I don’t know when I will have good days to participate. I was very fortunate to meet a great group of women when I was able to participate in Zumba and we have maintained weekly get togethers ever since. I believe it’s important to keep trying to connect because human connections are so important and there have been many good suggestions offered. May you find something that works out for you😊

REPLY
@artgirl2

Hello Ginger:

How nice of you to respond. Yes, it does make sense about not always finding others that have similar interests. Thank you for pointing that out. I appreciate it.

Over the years, my outreach groups have varied. Since I have only been in this neighborhood for a year, I am still figuring out ways to connect. I do like my neighbors. They are very good acquaintances. Sometimes I bake and take treats over to one or two couples/families. That is really fun for me and they like it. There is an organization called SHIFT that I have connected with on and off over the past 4+ years. They meet every other week. Check out their website for more info. I am a co-leader in an organization called "Action for Happiness." It's educational and community building and was started in the UK as a response to pandemic isolation. We meet on Zoom once a month and follow an uplifting monthly schedule. I have connected with other writers via zoom through the Dakota County Library. I even took a watercolor painting class this year that I really enjoyed. I had no idea how great the libraries in our metro area are for connecting others and providing fun and educational opportunities. In the past, I have belonged to various quilter's groups. Some affiliated with churches make quilts for others. Eagan has an art center that I have yet to explore. There is a senior group in Eagan that has some very fun community activities. I've only joined them once for bingo, but I may go back this fall/winter when gardening season is over.

I am learning about managing my life as an unmarried 67 year old. It's not easy and I do have to work at being social. My oldest daughter lives with me and that is a wonderful help. Oh, one more thing- I used to belong to church in St. Paul that I really liked. I helped out with their festival and attended bible study. As I said, I have to find the opportunities that can meet my needs.

I hope this isn't too much information. But, these are things that have helped me recover from a difficult bout of depression/anxiety caused by working as a healthcare professional through a good part of the pandemic. I now work 1-2 days a week and I am very glad to be employed part time. My health- I am a pancreatic and breast cancer survivor. I have MGUS and some chronic GI issues related to the pancreatic cancer surgery. Mayo Clinic has not only saved my life, but the care givers have helped me to get the help I needed to keep going.

Thank you for reading. And thank you for providing this opportunity to share some of my struggles as well as some things that have worked for me. I do not have solutions for others, of course. But, if what I have shared helps, then that makes me happy.

Peace.

Mayr

Jump to this post

@artgirl2 the isolation of covid can be difficult at best. But i really like the way you’ve gotten out there. Ive been doing Meals on Wheels for years and find it especially good right now. I get a chance to talk with the elderly who are really isolated. And the other volunteers are a great bunch!
Maybe you could share some more on Mayo Connect about what you’ve done to help yourself through all the difficult times you’ve had. Your input would be great! Think you might try it?

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@nannette1941 How have you been doing the last few days? Have any of these suggestions sounded like things you would like to try?
Ginger

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I am doing better, taking charge of myself and not feel as if I were Joan of Arc rescuing a whole country.

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