What do you do when you just want to cry?

@stevens2005 Thank you so much for your post! I forget (too often, I think) that it's the brain fog talking, and not the sweet guy who was there before all this started. I"m going to work on trying your approach to the grumpiness and swearing: I forget that these are all part of the brain fog, and I find myself getting angry as well. You have given me strength...thank you. Now "all" I need is a little more patience. 🙂

A 7th round of chemo was ordered by the oncologist, then later cancelled by the surgeon. We're grateful for that as these chemo sessions take so much out of him physically and mentally. Now we wait to hear from the scheduler in radiology to schedule the restaging pancreas protocol CT scan. Depending on the result, Whipple surgery is tentative scheduled for the end of next month. The worst part of all this, I think, is never knowing what actually comes next. I know that one day at a time is all we can control (and barely that) , but geez...< sigh>

Thank you to everyone for sharing your thoughts and your experience with the nuances of caregiving. I appreciate every single one of you and wish you all strength to continue. You have given me so much.

@kayraymat

I know my fear about crying is that I might start and never stop. That and H would hear me and not understand why I am crying.

I have been looking for a new doc for H, one that specializes in geriatrics because I think they would pickup on H*s problems in no time. Specialists around here require a referral so you just can not make an appointment and dthe good ones are booked way out.

One of the hospitals about 40 miles away just became associated with the Cleveland Clinic, so I am checking them out for a new doctor.

@kartwk
You do stop eventually as your body stops producing tears as it knows you have faced the sadness. H doesn't need to understand to empathize. You might write a letter to the doctor you want to see explaining your situation & maybe he would give you an appt..... can't hurt, & you would be doing SOMETHING towards your goal. Good luck. K

I think absolutely NO ONE understands exactly what you as caregiver is going through. Yes, there are people who empathize, sympathize, listen, and a few who even actually deeply care….but no one KNOWS. Being your loved one’s caregiver is a lonely, difficult path, sometimes even peppered with occasional guilt and one you travel alone. You must have resolve, and strength,and look for an off- ramp now and then: getting your hair done, going to a lunch with friends, taking a nap, reading a book( which you can only do in spurts,of course,) getting a visit from children, hugging your pet, letting a story on the Internet carry you away, if only for ten minutes, cooking…whatever the distraction, it doesn’t last long, but it is very important. It saves your sanity and allows you to carry on caring for your loved one….and that is what is most important. That is your priority, as you all know.

TOTALLY agree with spenjen's above post.

Just wanted to add that it doesn't really matter: if no one understands... PRECISELY... what a caregiver is going through... at any particular moment of any particular day; OR if no one knows... PRECISELY... what a caregiver is going through... at any particular moment of any particular day.

Nevertheless... I think most caregivers will have a GENERAL understanding and a GENERAL knowledge of what others in this role may have "gone through," "are going though," and may go through at some future point in time.

BECAUSE... we're not that unique: we're all saddened with "the sitaution," and grieve for our loved one, our family, friends, everyone else involved... and OURSELVES.

Q: What Do I Do When I Just Wanna Cry?
A: Cry.

All the best!

/LarryG