Lonely and Just want to talk with virtual friends here

I feel the same. I'm open to a cyber friendship.
Blaze in atl.

Jump to this post

Victorious69 here. I am severely depressed and thot I saw a discussion group: JUST WANTED TO TALK. My profile is a laundry list of issues. * The severe low back pain that is excruciating,painful to stand up, walk. * Am caregiver to my 84 yr old husband who has PAD with severe constant pain and on set dementia with explosive out bursts. * *He also has the most screeching COPD choking coughing episodes. * If I wasn't immobilized by my back pain, I think I Could handle his increasing dementia better. I've notified our PC who won't see us til Dec 12. Our cardiologist and vein doc has run out of options and referred hubby to my spine doctor who suggests lamenectomy which my hubby rejects. My spine doc will try an intracept nerve abalation in December on me. I'm living on Norco which of course causes constipation to my already fibrin thick intestinal walls. * Have had relief from quarterly spinal epidurals. We have no family here in Stockton and I need some frequent household help having moved from a nice spacious two bedroom mobile home. Moved to retirement community in Stockton, can no longer afford so move again to one bedroom with absolutely no closet or storage space.My husband drives me crazy. I'd like to join specific group discussions but right now I NEED to vent. I frequently go lay down on heating pad, and have a messy unorganized apt. A person of faith, I try to address each problem one day at a time but I secretly wish I could end my life and drop out-of life. Have become stuck, mostly due to horrendous back pain. I used to take short walks and took exercise classes. Can do no longer. Both of us are on walkers. Have to do everything myself cause hubby can no longer help. Our son and wife live in Los Gatos, a hard worker and party boy. Will come to visit for only a FEW HOURS for birthdays etc., without his wife. I've had it and have no hope. Am still unpacking and downsizing all the stuff junk from our two bedroom large mobile home we sold in San Jose. Pay storage shed 5 miles away. I need someone to talk to about caregiving for spouse with dementia and someone in general to talk to. My Best friend and confidant died a few years back.
Hubby and I are in too much a.m. pain to make it to our church, so listen Sunday mornings on my cell phone. I do look for the things to be grateful for and all God's blessings but I NEED to talk to someone. Get a hug from someone. Miss my friend.

Jump to this post

Victorious69 here. I am severely depressed and thot I saw a discussion group: JUST WANTED TO TALK. My profile is a laundry list of issues. * The severe low back pain that is excruciating,painful to stand up, walk. * Am caregiver to my 84 yr old husband who has PAD with severe constant pain and on set dementia with explosive out bursts. * *He also has the most screeching COPD choking coughing episodes. * If I wasn't immobilized by my back pain, I think I Could handle his increasing dementia better. I've notified our PC who won't see us til Dec 12. Our cardiologist and vein doc has run out of options and referred hubby to my spine doctor who suggests lamenectomy which my hubby rejects. My spine doc will try an intracept nerve abalation in December on me. I'm living on Norco which of course causes constipation to my already fibrin thick intestinal walls. * Have had relief from quarterly spinal epidurals. We have no family here in Stockton and I need some frequent household help having moved from a nice spacious two bedroom mobile home. Moved to retirement community in Stockton, can no longer afford so move again to one bedroom with absolutely no closet or storage space.My husband drives me crazy. I'd like to join specific group discussions but right now I NEED to vent. I frequently go lay down on heating pad, and have a messy unorganized apt. A person of faith, I try to address each problem one day at a time but I secretly wish I could end my life and drop out-of life. Have become stuck, mostly due to horrendous back pain. I used to take short walks and took exercise classes. Can do no longer. Both of us are on walkers. Have to do everything myself cause hubby can no longer help. Our son and wife live in Los Gatos, a hard worker and party boy. Will come to visit for only a FEW HOURS for birthdays etc., without his wife. I've had it and have no hope. Am still unpacking and downsizing all the stuff junk from our two bedroom large mobile home we sold in San Jose. Pay storage shed 5 miles away. I need someone to talk to about caregiving for spouse with dementia and someone in general to talk to. My Best friend and confidant died a few years back.
Hubby and I are in too much a.m. pain to make it to our church, so listen Sunday mornings on my cell phone. I do look for the things to be grateful for and all God's blessings but I NEED to talk to someone. Get a hug from someone. Miss my friend.

Jump to this post

Hi Victorious, I have found moves hard and they seemed to get even harder as I aged. How long ago did you move if you don't mind my asking? I remember a sibling who was active duty at the time and extremely fit developing back pain during moving. So when it comes to moves youthful days don't guarantee not racking up pain. Losing the support of close relationships also has taken a toil on my health in the past. You have been enduring many changes like these that increase the old stress scale. I am currently in a online Mindfulness class to learn methods to better deal with my stress. I make progress some weeks and have setbacks on others. I take some (in place) Mindfulness walks.

Many cities have Senior Centers that one can call and make a appointment with a Nurse or Social Worker to learn about any available local caretaking resources. It sounds like you could really use a break from caring for your husband. My father was a Veteran so I am limited in knowledge to his V.A. resources.

I moved into a city I was uncomfortable with at first, but eventually it feels like home. A friend drove to Stockton recently to view a Cambodian sculpture garden. Her pictures are incredible! I trust things will come out in the wash and you will become all around more comfortable than you presently are.

Jump to this post

Hi thx for reply. Just moved 2 miles away from our expensive retirement
community. I am 74 years old and have terrible spine issues ...getting out
if bed is torture. I get relief from an opiate but the pain is so severe
that I,m not emotionally stable to put up with all the noise and sudden
temper outbursts. His pain is getting worse and the pandemic threw
all our progress out the door. My PC was going to check community svs to
see if I can get some help thru Medicare. I hired a lady from church whom
I pay $22 hrs. To help me sort through the junk that still remains to be
sorted and tossed.
My husband can be so sweet and it hurts to see him decline. I need to get
away from him for a spell. Had gone to the library for books on subject.
Had 10 sessions of free counseling g from my church and walked around my
apt. Now I Hurt so much to get dressed and get going. Force myself to do
some chores. In this group, I just need to vent. Will be meeting with
hubby's cardiologist to discuss vein transfer which was our original
attempt before good vein surgeon left the country during the pandemic, I
had bowel cancer and surgery, clean results 6 months ago and waiting for
new f/u results. Having self pity issues lifting both walkers in the car
and my hubby's stubbornness to wear his hearing aids among other stuff.
Will go to other appropriate connect sites, but right now I just want to
scream.
Am hoping nerve abelation on December will help me cope better. But our
hospitals and medical sites are a disaster in the last two years.The
homeless have taken over and many med personnel have quit leaving those
left, stressed and overworked.
Hugs to you....

Jump to this post

@ellamster I can really relate to your loneliness. I don't appear to be lonely but there's a depth to it that resonates with what you wrote in June. You're smart, you teach, have clients and know how to deal with loneliness. It's the hollowing out that concerns you. And me, too. I've enjoyed the Mayo Clinic Connect site and have responded earlier to you. Not being great at corresponding I've fallen behind in corresponding here on this site.

I'm just wondering if loneliness is a mature awareness of how things are, of "reality". Our society does a great job of veiling loneliness with endless stimulations. You might not even have time to realize the consequences of over stimulation. Seems to me that younger people (well, I'm 78) are into making fantasties real and older people are into making reality fantastic. We have invented language to assuage our sense of loneliness, to connect us with each other. In the last couple hundred years we've invented many others forms of connecting: cars, trains, planes, ships, radio, TV, movies, and on and on and on. Why, I believe it's possible to ignore, avoid, deny, dismiss those inner feelings of "hey, 'they' really don't get me, do they?". Up to a point. But not completely.

There loneliness and there's solitude. The one may affect the other. One hurts. The other is a relief from overstimulation. In my view loneliness is a way of reminding us that the world will not devote itself to making us happy, regardless of our contributions to it. Solitude is not, for me anyway, an end in itself but an opportunity to become resilient, to emerge, to evolve, to open up to possibilities that the passage of time has diminished.

I see you have many responses. You've hit upon a common awareness in others and in me. Thank you for being a catalyst in connecting. In that respect you are not alone. Best wishes.

Jump to this post

This is long. If you don’t read it that’s ok but I’d like this to provide inspiration for people who read it. I don’t really know how to post this so I’m just writing a reply to the post about loneliness and solitude. This is going to be a very positive post. I am 72 and I live with two cats. We are very close and I love them. I retired 12 years ago and while I was working I worked, ate, and slept and didn’t have time to feel lonely. After I retired I began to attend an Episcopal church and now I consider the people there my “family”. I belong to two small (about 12 people)Bible Study Groups and a Prayer Group. We meet once a week at different times. I also volunteer for different ministries. I love what I do there. I like solitude and don’t feel lonely when I’m alone. I watch good movies on Netflix, read books, play games on my phone, some are interactive with other people, and, I will admit, spend some time on Facebook. I love Facebook for the jokes and the cat groups and I laugh a lot. It makes me smile to see a beautiful kitty and I have shared pictures of my 2 funny cats. Sometimes I clean the house and do chores like laundry. Every day things get squeezed in and get done. I sometimes worry that my positive attitude is due to the antidepressants I take (Wellbutrin and Lexapro and Trazadone)  but my doctor says that if it’s working don’t worry. I heard someone say once “Life is easier with chemicals.”I see my daughter, son-in-law, and two teenage granddaughters pretty often.  Now for the lonely side. I have had 2 total hip replacements. I was hospitalized for almost a week in 2019 with a very serious pneumonia. About 2 1/2 months ago I fell and fractured my hip and my sacrum and was in more pain than I believed was possible. I seriously considered ending it all but called 911 and went to ER instead. Pain and disablement from these happenings  made me feel lonelier than sh** and depressed.  I’m still healing from the fractures but I’m going to my activities now. Being connected to a supportive group works wonders for me. Sorry this is so long and is “all about me”.

Peace and Love ☮️❤️Maria                    

Jump to this post