Caring for my husband with late-stage lung cancer

Posted by turtle115 @turtle115, Mar 25, 2020

My first time here. My husband has lung cancer that has spread to liver, stomach and pelvis. Originally showed spot on lungs and liver August 2019. He is now 78 and has been a stroke survivor for 20 years…aphasia, walked with cane, no use of right arm. We decided not to proceed with cancer Treatments. But after Christmas things took a turn for the worse….he can stand but Can only move a little to the wheelchair bed or chair. We had CT in January which showed lung cancer, liver, stomach and pelvis. He is DNR so we wait. He is home and Hospice comes here twice a week. He has had a sore on his chin for over a month and recently, about the size of a dime, on the back of his head. He is not a complainer….. he is coughing up thick, white phlegm a lot now. He also has many tumors on his back…more every day, not open soreS but I see And feel them and some getting larger. Any one have thoughts that the sore on his head and face that maybe it has spread to the brain? How long can one survive like this? He is ready mentally and spiritually to leave this earth…..it is the waiting and watching him lose weight that is so hard. Any thoughts, help or prayers will be appreciated.

@turtle115 Im so sorry for you and your husband . I did Hospice and know what all you are going through. May joy be found each day you look at each other

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@turtle115

Hospice will be coming daily now. Andrew is not eating at all….just a little water…his mouth is so dry. He had fever, sweating and clammy skin last night. The assisted living care partners are afraid the fever could be COVD19….we have had one die and yesterday 4 tested positive. Hospice doesn't think it is the virus but the progression of the cancer. We are in lockdown…..which is a shame….this is when Hospice would be telling us it is time for the family to come. She said it is about making him comfortable. His heart rate is staying about 140+…sounds awfully high to me. The pain meds seem to be doing their job. Sleeping a lot. It is so hard for me to sit here, alone, seeing the pain on his face. I think I had mentioned tumors on his back….I noticed a small bump this morning right about his hairline…..will watch and see if more come or it gets larger. I thought dying would be peaceful. Not so for him or me. 🙏

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@turtle115– I'm truly saddened to hear this. I know that this had been a long journey for both of you. I can't imagine going through this without Hospice. They are truly angels. It does sound like his cancer is spreading. Thank goodness for pain meds. May peace be with you both at this time.

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Hello @turtle115

I am glad to hear that hospice will be making daily visits now. You do need the support. What do you feel that you need most right now?

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Wishing you both nothing but peace!

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In reply to @turtle115 "I will." + (show)
@turtle115

Thanks, appreciate that.

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@hopeful33250

Hello @turtle115

I am glad to hear that hospice will be making daily visits now. You do need the support. What do you feel that you need most right now?

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Sleep….lol

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@gingerw

@turtle115 My heart aches for you, and for your husband. Is there any music that would comfort you both, or recitations that may ease you? Are you able to do Facetime or Skype type family gathering? We are here for you.
Ginger

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Yes….so glad for FaceTime……andrew enjoys seeing the children every day.

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In reply to @turtle115 "Sleep....lol" + (show)
@turtle115

Sleep….lol

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I'm sure you do need sleep, @turtle115. Is there anyone you can hire to stay with Andrew for the night so that you could sleep through the night?

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@hopeful33250

I'm sure you do need sleep, @turtle115. Is there anyone you can hire to stay with Andrew for the night so that you could sleep through the night?

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As tired as I am I know myself and I wouldn't sleep well not being here. I know, the caretaker has to take care of herself. But I have to do what I have to do. Thanks for the suggestion.

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@turtle115

As tired as I am I know myself and I wouldn't sleep well not being here. I know, the caretaker has to take care of herself. But I have to do what I have to do. Thanks for the suggestion.

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@turtle115– I agree, you have to do what you have to do. I think that we are just hoping to protect you from becoming ill. I hope that you slept some last night.

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@turtle115

As tired as I am I know myself and I wouldn't sleep well not being here. I know, the caretaker has to take care of herself. But I have to do what I have to do. Thanks for the suggestion.

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You are right, @turtle115, I am concerned for your well being. It would be sad if you were to become ill in this process of his transitioning from this life to the next.

Having said that, however, it is important at this time in Andrew's life to be true to yourself and to the relationship you have built with your dear husband. You must carry on in the way that gives you the most peace.

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@turtle115– Hi. How was your night? I know that this is not the right time to ask how you are but is there anything that you need that Connect can help with? Any information that you need or a confusion?

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