So tired of being stuck...

Posted by lindak1tx @lindak1tx, Jan 16 9:33pm

Hello. I’m new. I’ve managed my depression, for the most part, most of my life. Mainly by doing. But now, at 62, I’m deemed anti-depressant resistant, and so so stuck. I can’t figure out what to do with myself. I go round and round, considering options, but find myself unable to take the steps necessary. Even easy things, like going to the movies, is too hard. (…nothing I want to see; I don’t want to go by myself; I feel I’m imposing to ask someone, yadda yadda …). I am just wasting my years. And that’s so tragic. Some days are just so so painful. I sleep a lot on many days. Other days I try to ‘kill time’ by reading or watching tv, or long crossword puzzles. My outings are to the grocery store and pharmacy. I have a psychiatrist that bounces me from medication to medication, most of which don’t work. I am on Pristiq now which keeps my head above water, on good days. I want to become someone my two sons and my husband can be proud of. And I’m descending into nothing but a picture of a weak and crippled being. I hate it. But I can’t find help. I’ve been to psych therapist…but my current insurance has terrible ones and I keep explaining I need a real psychologist with experience and solutions. It feels like there is nowhere to go for help. Is there no cure for this terrible condition??!!

@lindak1tx Welcome to our wonderful caring group We all have such different problems we contend with and try to help others with what works for us. We arent Dr.s but do listen. Have you ever tried to look into different herbs to see if they will help or essential oils. When I get that now what do I do with myself I use some essential oils in a diffuser and get in my recliner breath in the oils and rest after awhile I feel better and go do something then . Others will chime in here with suggestions but this is what I do . Hope some of this helps . Does meditation or just listening to relaxing music help ? Best of luck Please let us know how you are doing and any thing that helps you.

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@lintak1tx Good evening and a huge welcome to Connect. I think @lioness explained our purpose and the way we go about it. I remember just one year ago sort of panicking because my foggy brain made it impossible for me to continue with my volunteer job helping the design team build a community center for my "village". And then while caregiving for my life partner, I found Connect and the search for energizing activities that have educational and social value just presented itself.

You mentioned that your Psychiatrist keeps testing new medications. Sometimes that is the best thing to do. It is difficult to find an anti-depressant just meant for you. How often are you resorting to Prestiq?

The depressive feelings about having no value at 62 are of concern. Do you have the bouts of depression even while on Prestiq? Life changes and especially transitions from one stage to another require more mindful attention. Do you feel safe now from inner harm?

Everyone has a gift to share….I didn't think I had one. I can't sing, dance, paint, cook. Gave up crafts long ago. My gift is that of a good "editor" eye…..works beautifully when selecting fabric for the deck furniture…..yet drives everyone crazy when we go to hang wall art and I fuss over 1/8 of an inch.

What is your gift and how have you used it?

Be safe and protected. Chris

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@lindak1tx welcome to our group. As others have replied, I will report my experience with depression. There are 2 main reasons for depression. One is experience, that is what have we and/or are now going through that causes us stress. Are we dealing with it a good way. That is where a therapist comes in. I have gotten a psychiatrist, but nowadays in the U.S. that is hard to get. After being with him for a year, he is turning me over to a nurse practitioner. That is the way things are going so I realize I need to accept it and go on to using that to my advantage. I also had depression most of my life. That brings up the second cause of depression, a chemical imbalance due to my brain not properly handling the chemicals that control moods. That is where the antidessants come in. Like you, I became resistant to them. Mayo has done some research and concluded that it is a result of no longer having enough of the medicine. As we age our bodies become less efficient at digesting it. Also we may gain weight. Thus we need more. I am taking about 3 times the normal dose and it is finally working. I have been mostly free of depression for over a year. I realize I still need to deal with how I handle life's situations so I work on that as well. I need to make sure to eat properly, get enough sleep, and not be negative in my thinking. I hope this helps you and please keep me posted on how you are doing.

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@artscaping

@lintak1tx Good evening and a huge welcome to Connect. I think @lioness explained our purpose and the way we go about it. I remember just one year ago sort of panicking because my foggy brain made it impossible for me to continue with my volunteer job helping the design team build a community center for my "village". And then while caregiving for my life partner, I found Connect and the search for energizing activities that have educational and social value just presented itself.

You mentioned that your Psychiatrist keeps testing new medications. Sometimes that is the best thing to do. It is difficult to find an anti-depressant just meant for you. How often are you resorting to Prestiq?

The depressive feelings about having no value at 62 are of concern. Do you have the bouts of depression even while on Prestiq? Life changes and especially transitions from one stage to another require more mindful attention. Do you feel safe now from inner harm?

Everyone has a gift to share….I didn't think I had one. I can't sing, dance, paint, cook. Gave up crafts long ago. My gift is that of a good "editor" eye…..works beautifully when selecting fabric for the deck furniture…..yet drives everyone crazy when we go to hang wall art and I fuss over 1/8 of an inch.

What is your gift and how have you used it?

Be safe and protected. Chris

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Thank you Chris for the sensitive response. I have gifts. Kindness. A reverence for Beauty, in all forms. And I have skills. What I lack is energy to create a purpose for myself. No confidence. Often and easily discouraged. Afraid to start down a path and find it joyless. I need a mentor. (I taught high school English; I’m a good writer; I speak Spanish; I’m a competitive tennis player; I have an artistic “eye” for design; I am intellectual and deep philosophically). 😊

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@johnhans

@lindak1tx welcome to our group. As others have replied, I will report my experience with depression. There are 2 main reasons for depression. One is experience, that is what have we and/or are now going through that causes us stress. Are we dealing with it a good way. That is where a therapist comes in. I have gotten a psychiatrist, but nowadays in the U.S. that is hard to get. After being with him for a year, he is turning me over to a nurse practitioner. That is the way things are going so I realize I need to accept it and go on to using that to my advantage. I also had depression most of my life. That brings up the second cause of depression, a chemical imbalance due to my brain not properly handling the chemicals that control moods. That is where the antidessants come in. Like you, I became resistant to them. Mayo has done some research and concluded that it is a result of no longer having enough of the medicine. As we age our bodies become less efficient at digesting it. Also we may gain weight. Thus we need more. I am taking about 3 times the normal dose and it is finally working. I have been mostly free of depression for over a year. I realize I still need to deal with how I handle life's situations so I work on that as well. I need to make sure to eat properly, get enough sleep, and not be negative in my thinking. I hope this helps you and please keep me posted on how you are doing.

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Thank you @johnhans You’re post was very positive! And encouraging! Grateful for the knowledge that my older body may just not be digesting enough of the medication. I am going to schedule another appt with psychiatrist to see if we can find a solution. Last time he doubled my Pristiq dose and I didn’t like how it made me feel (headaches). I am a bit fearful of ‘mind’ meds…but if they could ‘lift’ the terrible oppression, as Prozac did when I was first medicated 30 years ago, I would take anything!!

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I have been where you are and I know the frustrations, I’m 69. My experience has been that I tolerate Paxil very well, been on it since 1998. After a traumatic brain injury in 2008 I was on 3 different SSRIs at the same time. After the suicide thoughts became too much I quit cold turkey on all three. After the withdrawal I was back to depression, anxiety and PTSD. Went to a new psychiatrist who put me on a low dose of Paxil since I had tolerated that for 10 years, before 2008, and it worked. I have had to increase the dosage over the years and am now on the highest recommended dosage, that kept most of the bad stuff at bay but still would get bouts with the depression, anxiety and PTSD. Then one day, just this last summer, something changed in my brain and I am free of all the bad stuff, prayers answered!
What I am leading up to is, if Prozac worked for you 30 years ago, it may work again, as johnhans pointed out you may need a higher dosage and it may take a little longer for it to kick in, a month to 6 weeks for full effect. The initial side effects could be a little difficult too, as each time I increased dosage I got the usual side effects I always get but after a week or so they were gone.
That’s my 2 cents worth, God Bless and keep o going!

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@lindak1tx Welcome to Mayo Connect. I am really glad you reached out to us, and felt comfortable sharing as you have. As you can see by our posts, you are not alone in having depression. Likewise, how we handle it and come to grips, is an individual thing. Often it takes a lot of time to figure what will work for us as an individual. Hearing about others' struggles will hopefully give you insight, rather than making you feel worse. Just the act of sharing has its positive rewards.

Like others here I have dealt with depression. For me, journalling has been a big help. I pour out my feelings of all sorts, sometimes down to the littlest details. I use paper and pen, not a computer. It is amazing to see how the writing changes! I do not criticize myself for grammar or content, just write. [like you I have an eye for detail, and writing it out on paper gives you less chance to delete and forget/ignore!] Also, getting out to exercise in fresh air helps, as does eating healthy for your body.

What would you like to do if this depression was not there? Can you script it out and see how you could take small steps towards this goal? Not big steps, just little ones at first. Can you allow yourself to imagine in your mind how you would accomplish this, visualize this? See how much you would love to do that thing you hold dear!? Take a small step towards that goal, then another.

The other replies have mentioned several ideas, so I hope you will read them and take all of our thoughts into consideration. We come from a caring place here, and want you to feel better. Medications alone cannot do it all; you need to "want to" in your mind also, and work towards a brighter tomorrow. Please come back and let us know how we can help you.
Ginger

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@jh31251

I have been where you are and I know the frustrations, I’m 69. My experience has been that I tolerate Paxil very well, been on it since 1998. After a traumatic brain injury in 2008 I was on 3 different SSRIs at the same time. After the suicide thoughts became too much I quit cold turkey on all three. After the withdrawal I was back to depression, anxiety and PTSD. Went to a new psychiatrist who put me on a low dose of Paxil since I had tolerated that for 10 years, before 2008, and it worked. I have had to increase the dosage over the years and am now on the highest recommended dosage, that kept most of the bad stuff at bay but still would get bouts with the depression, anxiety and PTSD. Then one day, just this last summer, something changed in my brain and I am free of all the bad stuff, prayers answered!
What I am leading up to is, if Prozac worked for you 30 years ago, it may work again, as johnhans pointed out you may need a higher dosage and it may take a little longer for it to kick in, a month to 6 weeks for full effect. The initial side effects could be a little difficult too, as each time I increased dosage I got the usual side effects I always get but after a week or so they were gone.
That’s my 2 cents worth, God Bless and keep o going!

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Jon, your 2 cents is a fortune, for someone who is completely broke (pun intended)! I’m encouraged with lots of possibilities now to investigate with my psychiatrist.

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@lindak1tx

Thank you Chris for the sensitive response. I have gifts. Kindness. A reverence for Beauty, in all forms. And I have skills. What I lack is energy to create a purpose for myself. No confidence. Often and easily discouraged. Afraid to start down a path and find it joyless. I need a mentor. (I taught high school English; I’m a good writer; I speak Spanish; I’m a competitive tennis player; I have an artistic “eye” for design; I am intellectual and deep philosophically). 😊

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Wow, all I can say is Wow. Your gifts are your amazing talents…for languages, athletics, visual activity. Have you ever used your Spanish for private or family ESL? I found that to be gratifying.

It just seems like “intellectual and deeply philosophical” doesn’t match up with “often and easily discouraged”. Self compassion might be the order of the day,

My life partner was hospitalized for depression when it took away his ability to sleep. His psychiatrist, who he still checks in with, told him……”Just say yes to something”.

That is how he found me.

Be content and at ease. Chris

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Saying “yes” to ones self is a great start point. I did, and that’s how I allowed myself to love the woman who has been my wife for almost 23 years. She accepts me and my issues…for better or worse.

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@lindak1tx

Jon, your 2 cents is a fortune, for someone who is completely broke (pun intended)! I’m encouraged with lots of possibilities now to investigate with my psychiatrist.

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That is great! One other thing, over the years I’ve heard people say, “I can’t wait until I don’t have to take these anymore.” After having dealt with anxiety and panic for the first 45 years of my life, I will never get off Paxil! Things are so nice now, I’m waiting for it to come back but it hasn’t. I do have a good memory and I remember what life was like before, why would I ever want to quit and invite that back into my life.
Also you mentioned what insurance would pay for. If you aren’t satisfied with what they pay for, find one you like and pay out of pocket. IT IS WORTH EVERY PENNY!!!
Here is one instance where money can buy happiness!
God Bless!!!

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The only thing that helped me was ECT . Electric Convulsion Therapy. It sounds worse than it is . Today it is even done in outpatient services. I had 13 rounds and no memory loss. It works and it last .

Liked by Parus, lioness, lindak1tx

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@lindakt1tx As you read here there are so many different ways people have found to feel better from there problem of depression. I hope you try different ones or one you may think of to see if this is the one that will help you. Even though Im a retired nurse I dont use alot of meds as I rely on the functional medicine approach . Do what you like to do that makes you happy in your life. This will be your go to when you need it . God bless you

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@daphnesioux

The only thing that helped me was ECT . Electric Convulsion Therapy. It sounds worse than it is . Today it is even done in outpatient services. I had 13 rounds and no memory loss. It works and it last .

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Daphne, I have seriously considered doing ECT. I did the electro/magnetic thingy (I forget the initials). Nope. Nada. I do appreciate your input. It reassures me that it’s not as scary as I imagine. You are so helpful by sharing this with me. I may select this down the road.

Liked by Parus, daphne

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@lioness

@lindakt1tx As you read here there are so many different ways people have found to feel better from there problem of depression. I hope you try different ones or one you may think of to see if this is the one that will help you. Even though Im a retired nurse I dont use alot of meds as I rely on the functional medicine approach . Do what you like to do that makes you happy in your life. This will be your go to when you need it . God bless you

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Ah! This is the quagmire of depression. I don’t anticipate. —pause—. liking —doing much of anything. Do you know what I find to be blissful?! Laying down on my bed. In complete repose. And drifting off to sleep. I do understand what you mean though. There are a lot of societal norms we do that we hate, without giving ourselves permission to stop doing them. I’m at the point now, where I need to replace them with something. And I can’t figure out with what! So much is the result of being the offspring of narcissistic parents. That I failed to develop an understanding of what “I want” is because it was shut down, early, in order to nurture what Others want. So the hurdle I am facing is a truly a difficult one. But I am so grateful to find support from you and others here. At MayoClinic Connect. It IS giving me strength. I can feel it!

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