Sexless Marriage (when one partner is ill)

I would be interested to know how many people think sex is a physical need.
There are many ways to express love and affection without sex. Has anyone died or became ill due to not having sex?
Are there truly asexual people?

I find myself in such a relationship due to my partner withdrawing from anti-depressant medication. Some people experience PSSD (Post SSRI/SNRI Sexual Dysfunction), which can result in long term or even permanent loss of libido and sexual sensation (sex organs can feel entirely numb), amongst a host of other symptoms. There is currently no known cure (going back on the medication does not help), and it is devastating to endure.

If it were me suffering from PSSD, then sex would be physically impossible. As it is, my partner is still able to participate bodily in sex, even though it does absolutely nothing for her. And I just don't feel right about that... even though she loves me enough to offer that to me, I know that it brings up difficult feelings for her, causing her to grieve all over again that she can't feel it or enjoy it. Plus, it doesn't feel good to use my partner for my own sake alone. In the end, I am choosing not to have sex with my partner out of love for her.

I love my partner and we have an incredible relationship, but I am now having to ask myself how important sex is to me and how important it is to be with someone who can participate and enjoy it with me.

I am realizing that this is a highly personal decision, and there is no rule that can be applied to everyone. In my case, I have trauma in my past that makes my sexual life a very important part of my own healing and journey. Losing this will eventually interact with my own past in such a way as to cause me a great deal of distress. My partner knows me well enough to know this, and so we are bracing for some difficult days ahead.

I think each person needs to determine for their own self how important sex is to them, whether it is an essential need for them or not, and so on. If you are going through this process in your own relationship, it'll be important to be honest with yourself and your partner.

If you know someone going through this, they will need you to support whatever they decide, and to respect how important sex may or may not be to them, with zero judgment.

Been there not a great life narcissism is real. It's dangerous. And an illness. For thirty years. You may not be in that predicament. Narcissistic tendency can be love you and hate you at the same time,and they will use you up until they think you are no longer needed. I think the lord may have a word or two about that, hope the best for you. God bless. Now you know this, but may not be. Who knows. Only way I knew was I found out she had been cheating on me 600 miles away visiting her sister, sure she was. It's been 6 years and still affects me. Forgot one thing,I was married for thirty wasted years. Now at age 68 life by myself is very lonely,being sick does not help. Thanks for reading. I'm off my soapbox now. I had to let this out. Thank you.

Because one partner does not want to have sex, why is the other doomed to that same fate. People know how important sex is in a relationship, yet the other person is just to remain silent and just accept it? Why is the other spouse so selfish, regulating another person to a sexless marriage? The other spouse could do other aspects of sex, oral or hand techniques. Why must the other feet like, "too bad so sad "? Or the spouse could say, "I love you so go have sex with someone, just come home each night be with me. It's just a physical love or attraction and you're not going to leave your spouse " . Comments please?

Not the only route yes. But when the other doesn't want to help their partner at all. Then other measures must be considered.

There is other ways to have sex besides intercourse

Have you tried the shots in the penis or did you jump right to the penile implant? I'm going through the learning process with the shots as a last step before an implant. My Dr. advised to get a malleable implant versus the inflatable one said it will be he choice when he is ready for one.

Hi Dbennet, Welcome to connect. My answer would be not something that probally would go over well. As a believer in the Bible and God's promises I come from a different perspective.
Have you given thought to if you were the one who could not have any form of sex would you be OK with your advice? I've been in a relationship without for about 10 years now. When I married her our vows were in sickness or health. I like to think about someone like Christopher Reeves and how his wife stuck by his side. Now I can see cuddling is still an option but I can't imagine much more. And if you are a faith based person a marriage is for a lifetime. So with God's help i have come to accept it and enjoy the other aspects of our lives. Some other examples would be like a nursing home situation, I have an uncle whose wife my aunt had MS (she passed away recently) which in the later stages is pretty much just a time of very few words and just being there for her. I suggest a book that is based on a true story called "The Notebook" by Nicholas Sparks. Of a man with a wife who developed senile dementia its also movie with James Garner in it. Beautiful story of the kind of Love I hope I can have in that situation. So I hope maybe youu might reconsider what love is as we get older.
Blessings

@arctic22 Sorry for taking so long to respond.

I haven't tried the shots, primarily because of the cost. I was supposed to begin the process of having the implant when Covid hit. It's been frustrating that treatment of ED is not an essential surgery. I told my urologist that if my finger quit working, it would be considered an essential surgery to repair it. So why not the penis? But I do have an appointment with him next month to move forward with the procedure. Complicating it is my need for a shoulder replacement. I don't know if I want to do both at the same time.

Sexuality is something that we were created with, for procreation first of all, but certainly God knew what He was doing when He made it pleasurable. I really miss that pleasure, as does my wife.

Depression and anxiety are real disabilities that I know have been worse because of ED. And vice versa. But I won't get into that.

I have chosen to have the inflatable implant because it's more natural when it's deflated. Since a lot of time has passed since I discussed this with the doctor, I'll probably have the conversation again when I see him next.

I hope that you're pleased with what you decide to do. I'd be very interested to hear from you post surgery.

Time to go to sleep.

Jim

My shot are costing right at 95 a bottle ..depending on the dose should give 12 to 16 erections ... I get mine from menMD .. have u talked to your Dr. about this ... most won't go right ot the implant till you have tried the shots .... also my Dr showed me with a implant since I'm a "grower" and not a shower whatever you can grab the head of your penis and pull is what you will get with an implant .. she said you will lose length and if you are obese will lose even more as it is shrunk back into your body .. I'm exploring all the options and I live in an area that has a practice at USF that is has done the largest amount of implants ..best of luck to you keep me posted on your outcome please ..