Sexless Marriage (when one partner is ill)

Posted by Native Floridian @nativefloridian, Oct 15, 2011

Anyone out there think that this is a good idea? Some people are just too ill to have sex and if they are married, obviously their mates suffer. What do you think? Are there solutions to this problem or is it such a hush-hush topic that nobody wants to discuss it. I’d sure like to know whether or not a long term sexless marriage exists and if it can be a happy one.

Thanks for considering my questions and feel free to anonymously respond, if that is your desire.

If the reason for no sex is health and no one is horny what is the big deal. If the reason is one doesn’t like the other then I guess it is an issue.

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@marshall

If the reason for no sex is health and no one is horny what is the big deal. If the reason is one doesn’t like the other then I guess it is an issue.

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What if the reason is health related and the other party does want to have sex? Should the neglected spouse bring up the issue with the ill spouse? It seems to be a very touchy subject.

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@marshall

If the reason for no sex is health and no one is horny what is the big deal. If the reason is one doesn’t like the other then I guess it is an issue.

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Remember the vows…in sickness and health….if you truly love the person, and she/he is too sick to engage in intimacy, cheating is not acceptable. Also, bear in mind that even though she/he is sick don’t mean she/he don’t want to have sex they still have desires but can’t act on them.

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@marshall

If the reason for no sex is health and no one is horny what is the big deal. If the reason is one doesn’t like the other then I guess it is an issue.

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Why is there an assumption of cheating when the questions seemed to be geared toward how to handle the situation with the ill spouse. I don’t think there’s a third party here. Anyone have experience with this and is it healthy to shut down sexually?

Liked by Leonard

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If there is just no desire to have sex you might be low on estrogen(if female?). If only one party has lost the desire, the other might become frustrated.

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@stevej

If there is just no desire to have sex you might be low on estrogen(if female?). If only one party has lost the desire, the other might become frustrated.

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The problem is the desire is on my part and the lack of desire is on his part….maybe he is low on testosterone? I know all about frustration!

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Being Married, loving your spouse, and desiring to have a sexual relationship with them is an important part of marriage, in my opinion. Sex, making love, the power of touch is vital to physical and emotional health, and your marriage. If I were in your situation I think it would make a difference if my spouse is not able to have sex for health reasons, but still expressed love and tenderness with words, cuddling, and closeness I would try to feel fullfilled knowing they were showing me love in every way they could. If they could not have sex, therefore did not want to show me any affection I would feel rejected, unloved, unfulfilled and distant. Making Love includes a lot more than having intercourse. It is tenderness in word and touch, compassion, and a whole realm of closeness. If you and your spouse cannot talk openly and honestly about the subject, then preferably you need to find a counselor you both have confidence in to help you come to an understanding. Let me encourage you very strongly to do whatever is possible to come to a solution you are both happy with, the sooner the better.

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This is a good response and I agree with your comments, LB.

Liked by rkleinsmith

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Illness is the only supportable reason for not allowing sex in a marriage. If sex is withheld for any other reason, the relationship is doomed.

Liked by rkleinsmith

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The initial question focused on a partner that is too ill to have sex. It would help to know if the partner’s illness is short term, long term, or perhaps permanent. If it’s a short term illness, it would seem that patience, understanding, and support would be appropriate until the health has returned. Thus, I would not call it a sexless marriage, bur rather simply waiting for a period of time until the partner is recovered and is able to again enjoy sexual intercourse. During the illness, it would seem that a couple could still share tenderness, intimacy, and physical touch. This is true even if the illness is long term. Communication is so important during illness and/or health. Sharing with your partner what your needs are, without making them demands, is essential. If needs can’t be met, it would be helpful to meet with a certified sexual therapist to work out a solution that is satisfactory to both partners……it CAN be done.

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Hi, i am dealing with a partner who had diabetes, we have been to specialists, we have exhausted all hope in a intimate relationship at this point, …its been a long trying time but we seem to prove it can be done. Going on about 8 years of celibacy now. 20 years together, married 2, yes i married him knowing i would not be able to consummate our marriage. But that's ok…I love him enough to sacrifice my sex life.

Liked by Leonard

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@nativefloridian

What if the reason is health related and the other party does want to have sex? Should the neglected spouse bring up the issue with the ill spouse? It seems to be a very touchy subject.

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It most definitely is an issue and one that needs to be discussed. There are alternatives to intercourse that should be amenable to both parties.

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@stevej

If there is just no desire to have sex you might be low on estrogen(if female?). If only one party has lost the desire, the other might become frustrated.

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Not a matter of "might become frustrated". They absolutely will be frustrated. The reasons and resolutions need to be considered. Sexual incompatible individuals should seek counseling or consider the options. It angers me to see people living in sexless marriages craving affection.

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@loyalone

Hi, i am dealing with a partner who had diabetes, we have been to specialists, we have exhausted all hope in a intimate relationship at this point, …its been a long trying time but we seem to prove it can be done. Going on about 8 years of celibacy now. 20 years together, married 2, yes i married him knowing i would not be able to consummate our marriage. But that's ok…I love him enough to sacrifice my sex life.

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Again, intercourse is not the only route to sexual satisfaction. I am sure that you know that.

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