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Sexless Marriage (when one partner is ill)

Posted by Anonymous-aeaf6ea1 in Men's Health, Oct 15, 2011

Anyone out there think that this is a good idea? Some people are just too ill to have sex and if they are married, obviously their mates suffer. What do you think? Are there solutions to this problem or is it such a hush-hush topic that nobody wants to discuss it. I'd sure like to know whether or not a long term sexless marriage exists and if it can be a happy one.

Thanks for considering my questions and feel free to anonymously respond, if that is your desire.

Tags: mental health, mens health, womens health, Other, sexual health

Anonymous likes this

Posted by @marshall, Oct 16, 2011

If the reason for no sex is health and no one is horny what is the big deal. If the reason is one doesn't like the other then I guess it is an issue.

Posted by Anonymous-aeaf6ea1, Oct 16, 2011

What if the reason is health related and the other party does want to have sex? Should the neglected spouse bring up the issue with the ill spouse? It seems to be a very touchy subject.

Posted by Anonymous-35f99b47, Oct 17, 2011

Remember the sickness and health....if you truly love the person, and she/he is too sick to engage in intimacy, cheating is not acceptable. Also, bear in mind that even though she/he is sick don't mean she/he don't want to have sex they still have desires but can't act on them.

Native Floridian likes this

Posted by Anonymous-aeaf6ea1, Oct 19, 2011

Why is there an assumption of cheating when the questions seemed to be geared toward how to handle the situation with the ill spouse. I don't think there's a third party here. Anyone have experience with this and is it healthy to shut down sexually?

Posted by Anonymous-e33da672, Oct 21, 2011

If there is just no desire to have sex you might be low on estrogen(if female?). If only one party has lost the desire, the other might become frustrated.

Posted by Anonymous-aeaf6ea1, Oct 21, 2011

The problem is the desire is on my part and the lack of desire is on his part....maybe he is low on testosterone? I know all about frustration!


Posted by @lb, Oct 29, 2011

Being Married, loving your spouse, and desiring to have a sexual relationship with them is an important part of marriage, in my opinion. Sex, making love, the power of touch is vital to physical and emotional health, and your marriage. If I were in your situation I think it would make a difference if my spouse is not able to have sex for health reasons, but still expressed love and tenderness with words, cuddling, and closeness I would try to feel fullfilled knowing they were showing me love in every way they could. If they could not have sex, therefore did not want to show me any affection I would feel rejected, unloved, unfulfilled and distant. Making Love includes a lot more than having intercourse. It is tenderness in word and touch, compassion, and a whole realm of closeness. If you and your spouse cannot talk openly and honestly about the subject, then preferably you need to find a counselor you both have confidence in to help you come to an understanding. Let me encourage you very strongly to do whatever is possible to come to a solution you are both happy with, the sooner the better.

Native Floridian likes this

Posted by Anonymous-aeaf6ea1, Nov 25, 2011

This is a good response and I agree with your comments, LB.


Posted by @abacon, Apr 28, 2016

Illness is the only supportable reason for not allowing sex in a marriage. If sex is withheld for any other reason, the relationship is doomed.


Posted by @charlie123, Jul 12, 2016

The initial question focused on a partner that is too ill to have sex. It would help to know if the partner's illness is short term, long term, or perhaps permanent. If it's a short term illness, it would seem that patience, understanding, and support would be appropriate until the health has returned. Thus, I would not call it a sexless marriage, bur rather simply waiting for a period of time until the partner is recovered and is able to again enjoy sexual intercourse. During the illness, it would seem that a couple could still share tenderness, intimacy, and physical touch. This is true even if the illness is long term. Communication is so important during illness and/or health. Sharing with your partner what your needs are, without making them demands, is essential. If needs can't be met, it would be helpful to meet with a certified sexual therapist to work out a solution that is satisfactory to both CAN be done.

shellsk24 and Ali Skahan like this

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