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Sexless Marriage (when one partner is ill)

Posted by Native Floridian @nativefloridian, Oct 15, 2011

Anyone out there think that this is a good idea? Some people are just too ill to have sex and if they are married, obviously their mates suffer. What do you think? Are there solutions to this problem or is it such a hush-hush topic that nobody wants to discuss it. I'd sure like to know whether or not a long term sexless marriage exists and if it can be a happy one.

Thanks for considering my questions and feel free to anonymously respond, if that is your desire.

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Profile picture for Dana, Volunteer Mentor
Mentor
Dana, Volunteer Mentor | @danab | Nov 17 8:28pm
In reply to @sg68 "My wife has EDS and Hyper mobility.so we not had sex over 5 years as she's..." + (show)
Profile picture for sg68 @sg68

My wife has EDS and Hyper mobility.so we not had sex over 5 years as she's in pain most days. Iv got sleep on a sofa bed downstairs.feel all alone no body contact.part of me feels lost. Yes I love her but this subject always been taboo.hard to talk about.or people judge you room for what your thinking..

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@sg68 I can relate. Not sure what changed as I can point to many things. But it is lonely. As a God-fearing man I don't believe in divorce and i take my vows seriously. In sickness and health is an important vow. So I feel your pain. What helped me is my faith and my church family bring me joy. So I hope it helps to know your not alone.
Blessings

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elaineket | @elaineket | Nov 20 12:44pm
In reply to @heisenberg34 "A lot of interesting comments on this topic. My wife and I have enjoyed a good..." + (show)
Profile picture for heisenberg34 @heisenberg34

A lot of interesting comments on this topic. My wife and I have enjoyed a good sex life for many years, up until the past three years. For some reason I developed ED and very low libido. I just went with the flow and we went without sexual contact. I was missing the intimacy with her a great deal. She is not one to talk about these things(raised in a very conservative family). A month or so ago, I bought her a somewhat modest button down sleep shirt in a flattering color. I told her that even though I can't perform to any real degree, I would certainly enjoy a closer contact occasionally. The first time she was ready, she put on the shirt, used a little perfume, and after turning down the lights a bit, we began to caress each other and cuddle. Kissing and exploring led to me giving her manual stimulation with some lubricant. I was enjoying her "fruits". I eventually developed a modest erection. I was able to bring her to a nice climax. I was not able to do so, but enjoyed the whole experience thoroughly,
So, now, when she wears that special night shirt, I know what to expect...three or four times a month we will enjoy each other in the best way possible. I hope this will help some of you out there.

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@heisenberg34

I lost a lot of weight. We had a good sex life before then. Now his diabetes has made him impotent. Go figure

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mc63 | @mc63 | 2 days ago

Intimacy goes way beyond sex, encompassing deep connection through non-sexual touch (hugs, holding hands, massage), emotional vulnerability (sharing feelings, deep talks), shared experiences (activities, chores), and intellectual/spiritual connection. My spouse has cancer, and there have been countless months that we have gone without sexual intercourse. Yet, we have engaged in many of the actions that I have mentioned that keep us bonded. As one of the other comments described, "For Better or for Worse" is the vow.

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mikayla | @mikaylar | 1 day ago

Just be glad you are not the ill spouse. Find other things to think about!

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