It most definitely is an issue and one that needs to be discussed. There are alternatives to intercourse that should be amenable to both parties.

Yes they should, because I am paralyzed that don’t mean I can’t meet the needs of my partner

This is unfortunately a reality for many. There’s no one solution or magic wand. The reality is that no matter the circumstances the partner that is suffering from the inability to make love to their ill spouse will experience emotions similar to those you go through when grieving the death of someone close. If it’s possible to even spend a few moments a day holding hands, or sitting by one another it can make all the difference in the world. The healthier mate should try to refrain from entertaining all the why can’t he/she just do this or just do that and how hard would it be to just do X or Y this only leads to further frustration. Substituting pornography and or masturbation can also be a slippery slope as you don’t want to become your own best lover or have a warped view of what intimacy is. I wish, hope and pray every day for the ability to continue to NOT become more saddening but what is essentially a loss on the level nearly that of death or divorce. Love to all. Hang in there. Don’t blame. Don’t shame. Don’t give up.