Problems with adult children

Another great book is The Courage to be yourself. Sue Patton Thoele. The sadness, I believe, is from being "dead" before you are - I finally decided it is not on me to carry the load for whatever the child is going through. In my late 60s, I feel like time is limited to share more experiences, but it is less painful to find my life and joy in other places. Also, it helps to keep in mind that your child may not be able to give you what you need.

I couldn't even make myself shop for birthdays and Christmas this year -- I usually mail, but hear nothing back. Two very photogenic grandchildren that I haven't held. Travel is tough as I never know how to act or how familiar to be. We are busy with fellowship at church, donate time and effort for kids there.

Just keep in touch enough for her to know where to find you. There was an estrangement between my mom and her brother. In my early teens, we took our bikes over to visit them. It ended the estrangement. It has to be important to her, not something that one can make them do. Sadly.

I am going to look this book up. It sounds like the story of my life with ex-husband, and my kids seem to have picked it up, too. I think we grieve for the relationship we thought we would have their whole lives. Take care.

I'll check out the book. I agree that the feeling is dull and like being dead. Good to focus on other activities.

I've been in therapy much of the last 10 years to try to deal with the "loss" of my granddaughter after her mother died when she was 3. Her feelings toward me haven't changed much, but she's now 16, and I'm still grieving. It's hard not to picture the relationship as I'd like it to be rather than what it is. I've become involved with a local spiritual center (Science of Mind). The people there have been helpful when other things have not been. Of course, all this came to an abrupt halt when Covid hit. I'm hoping to become involved again once things open up. I need to get my joy elsewhere, but it's a great challenge every day. I intend to read the book you recommended. Thank you.

Yes, this is what is happening to me, I have three grown up children. There is love and much caring ( I have RA, Sjogren’s and TN and they are there for me regarding my physical illness but when we are together in person all three burst yelling at me for the simplest things like asking for a plastic bag
They are all middle age and I suspect it is part of middle age crisis and I am always receptive offering help and support but they are not willing to open up to me. They have friends and I understand but still I feel diminished and out down specially when they yell in front if my grandkids
I calmly respond or I don’t say anything but afterwards I have asked them to not yell at me but it keeps happening
I am divorced and they gave a strange relationship with their father,
Please help! How can I stop them from yelling at me besides asking them not to?
I have offer them my love and support all the time

I have not responded easier because mysituation with two of my children remains silent with one and worse with another. I have been trying to move on with my life, but it is not east. So?e days better than others. The yelling sounds difficult. I've only started a book called "Beyond the Crying", which offers some insight into.adukt children's actions.
Be good to yourself.

I hope the spiritual group has continued with the easing up of COVID. That is an important help for moving on with your life. I do better when I find relief from the situation with two of my children and concentrate on other aspects of my life.

I try to take comfort that my only child is a very successful person - career-wise, financially and family-wise - even though he has no time for or interest in me. He was in college when my fibromyalgia symptoms began to worsen, so he's never really seen me suffer. He believes that I'm a healthy, active person like the rest of the world. Because he is a 7-hour drive away, I let him believe what he wants. The sad part is that I think he feels like I'm neglecting him - as I've had to cancel more trips to visit him than I've ever made. His only limitation is his time, and my limitation is my health. I don't have the stamina to drive 7 hrs. nor do I wish to be on an airplane with one bathroom when IBS often results from travelling in pain.