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junkartist (@junkartist)

Adult children extremely critical

Depression & Anxiety | Last Active: Mar 17, 2021 | Replies (7)

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Hi from Ontario. I noticed this before going to sleep last night and it is so sad….
I had a "friendly family" in UK, and walked away when I was 18 to move to Canada. Often hearing about family issues when I was an adult and even now, I cant help but wonder "what if" i had stayed – would we all have remained friends as well as relatives? Odd that I married first husband (abusive) who was only child raised by grandmother and ill mother… so no substitute family for me there; and my present husband of 40 years, well over the years one relative wasn't talking to another; back and forth back and forth, over and over; his brother quite friendly died; now his sisters daughter not talking to her mum…. not seeing grandchild… what a loss!…… i was not and am not used to it. Your last sentence , am sorry to here of your low mood (me too, for different reasons) but you have a supportive husband as i do – although things are not as they used to be since we have both been ill etc – and you have good friends and a good therapist. I cannot imagine not getting along with my 2 adult daughters, although I dont agree with their decisons and they are not perfect but we are a small family and almost "have' to get along. Best to you, I am a good listener but not a good solution-provider even for my own health etc. Hope you get some replies that help…. 🌺

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Replies to "Hi from Ontario. I noticed this before going to sleep last night and it is so..."

Thank you for sharing your experience with me . One thing that saddens me is that I think that I don't believe I have any prospect of grandchildren. One of my daughter's first accusations was that I was pressuring she and her husband to have children, which they a't afford. I can only think that she overheard me saying, "I have baby envy," one time. It is something I would say to my friends occasionally as a joke.

I'm not exactly sure what a friend family is, but I did think that the family my husband and I built over 35 years was a good, happy family. I do think This has all been an unexpected shock. My birth family was an unfriendly family, always bickering. My father was verbally abusive and we four kids were always in competition. I got away from home as soon as I graduated from college. During college and until I met my husband, I "dated" a lot of men, some very wonderful and some not so much. No one I would call abusive.

One of things that has bothered me during this past year has been my relationship with my parents who are both deceased. I understand how much it must have hurt my mother not to get a response to me from her letters and to not see her grandchildren more often. (Part of the reason for that was the cost of travel.) I understand that Dad only wanted what he did not have when he was a young adult. (To not have to struggle for an education.) Unfortunately, he wanted me to have a solid career, not be another "goddamn artist") Now, I beat myself up for being so much like him in some ways.

At least my sister and I have gotten through some serious conflicts and are on good terms now. So much so, that I was able to call her when I was in crisis last week, and tell her about the woes of the last year. We are the only ones left now of our birth family.

Thank you for listening to all this long story. Even good friends cannot hear it over and over again.

I hope you and you husband get well soon.


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