Possible Depression & ADHD - Need Advice & Support.

Posted by greymelody @greymelody, Wed, May 15 10:36am

Hey, call me Melody or Mel for short.

Guess I’ll get straight to the point– 13 year old female (turning 14 soon) who has undiagnosed ADHD and shows possible depression symptoms.

Parents both are diagnosed with ADHD, have shown ADHD symptoms before the age of 12, and still struggle with symptoms as of now. If I had to guess, I’d say I have the Combination Presentation (Inattention & Hyperactivity/Impulsive). I show symptoms of both inattention and hyperactivity — the former being unable to properly focus often, getting distracted easily (even when it’s something I have to get done), and daydreaming far more than should be appropriate (waste hours of my life doing this, even when there’s more important things to be done). Pace often (coupled with daydreaming), can’t sit still, mind is always racing, and tend to blurt whatever’s on my mind, along with a lot of extreme gestures while talking.

With that ADHD note, I am uncertain where my constant daydreaming is a symptom of my ADHD, perhaps a larger issue, or both. As I mentioned before, I waste hours of my life daydreaming, even if there’s things I need to get done. I blast music in my earbuds and pace. I’m told I make facial expressions and sounds while daydreaming, which isn’t something that people with ADHD seem to complain about – although it seems like something I would be more likely to struggle with, due to my ADHD. I’ve heard of the term “Maladaptive Daydreaming,” but I don’t daydream of worlds or make up entire storylines or plot. I don’t make my own fictional characters in my head, nor do I imagine an idealized version of myself. I would say I daydream of fictional characters I’ve read or watched through media going through emotional conflicts — it is not a storyline or a full plot; it is a section of a plot, the climax, with no other added details.

I would like to know what other people think of this issue, and if there’s anything that can be done to improve it. I think I may have developed it as an unhealthy coping mechanism, but I’m unsure how to go about improving it. I have nothing against daydreaming in itself; it’s a wonderful thing. But now it is interfering with my schoolwork and daily life, as I find myself procrastinating both relationships and work in order to daydream.

Finally, the main crux of what I want to talk about: My depression symptoms.

I’m not comfortable with self-diagnosing depression. It is a very real, serious condition that hurts people — even people that I currently know and love — and I would hate to invalidate the struggles of people who go through it if I don’t actually suffer from it. It’s why I am so hesitant in even professing the idea that I could have depression, perhaps a mild form of it, because I’m scared of invalidating other people’s experiences.

The fact of it is that I’ve been showing depression symptoms for a while now, and I’m not sure how to feel about it. I’ve gone through a lot as of late, so I would be valid in being stressed or sad about recent events. To tl;dr of it: Briefly moved to another country, withdrew from an online community of friends after an argument with one of the main friends in said community (didn’t feel comfortable there anymore), learned about my ADHD when my parents told me that I most likely had it but never knew before that time, got into a relationship that inevitably failed once said guy got into another relationship and told me after the fact (he was polyamorous and we never had the conversation about it until then), and am currently in a very unstable living situation, as I am unsure of where my parents and I are going to travel next or where we’ll be staying long-term.

With all that, it would be natural for me to be upset or stressed or sad. I’m aware of that. And yet, when I think about what’s causing me distress, it’s not those things — It’s me. I’m upset, not because of what I’m going through (although I am not fine with these events, they aren’t the main struggle), but because of who I am as a person. I feel like a failure, useless, a burden, and that all I can do is take from other people, no matter how hard I try to do good. … That last one probably stems from my falling out with the friend I mentioned earlier. They told me I was untrustworthy, unintentionally two-faced, and a person who takes from others in her pursuit to try to help everyone. I feel like their words have become a part of my mental dialogue, now.

I don’t know. I think I’ve been oversleeping, eating more than usual, and I feel tired, all the time. But not a physical tiredness; a mental tiredness that doesn’t go away, no matter what. It’s a heavy nothing that follows me everywhere, and there’s moments where I’ll feel better — distracting myself with friends or my daydreaming habit — but the second those things stop, it washes over me all over again. I don’t know what to do about it.

I feel worthless, like a waste of space. I’m guilty a lot, even for things I’ve got no reason to be. I’ve gotten passive suicidal ideation, different from active.

And I don’t know, because I’m terrible at self-awareness. I don’t know, because with all my distractions, it’s possible that this has worsened over time, with the more I ignored it and the more I used my daydreaming as a coping mechanism to feel better, instead of actually addressing what was going on. And now… Now, I’m overdue on schoolwork, on the brink of tears because I feel so pathetic, and I just. Need advice, help, something.

My friends who I have talked to about this comment that it seems like a very mild form of depression, considering that I’m still able to function, but still showcase these depression symptoms. Heck, despite being told by two of my friends who suffer from depression themselves that it’s okay for me to call it such or that they even think it’s possible I have it and that that it doesn’t invalidate their experiences at all, I’m scared.

I got a therapist appointment in June, I think, but my parents seem to be of the impression that’s it’s for an ADHD diagnosis only. It’s only an hour long, and I don’t think I’ll have future, consistent ones besides that one, considering how shaky my living situation is right now. Should I talk to them about me showcasing depression symptoms, as well? I don’t know if we’ll have time to really go over it, or if I’ll be able to find help right away, though.

I would say the depression symptoms began a year ago, got better with the relationship I had, and then fell right back into that hole of darkness again. And then I had a period where I felt better, and then crashed for no particular reason, and am now right back here again.

What should I do? What should I think? What do you guys think? I need some outside advice here.
I would really appreciate any input, so thanks in advance for anyone who bothers to reply to this mess, haaaa.
If more context or information is needed, just let me know.

(Also, I’m new here, so if this is posted in the wrong area, let me know, and I’ll move it.)

@gingerw

@greymelody Hi Mel, hope your last few days after turning 14 have been going well for you. Although it is just a number, it can be a big jump emotionally, right?
Ginger

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@gingerw Haha, yeah! True. It all just feels a bit surreal – like, time is just flying by so quickly, you know? Still, I've been doing better as of recent, so I hope that trend continues! I've been spending a lot of time with friends lately, so I think that definitely could've helped.

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@greymelody

@gingerw Haha, yeah! True. It all just feels a bit surreal – like, time is just flying by so quickly, you know? Still, I've been doing better as of recent, so I hope that trend continues! I've been spending a lot of time with friends lately, so I think that definitely could've helped.

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@greymelody Good for you, Mel! Time with friends is critical for your well-being. Each day a new and great adventure. If I recall, your appointment is in a couple of weeks here in the US, right? That will be good for you to get some professional input on your situation, and someone else's suggestions to help you through this time. Your young [but mature!] mind and body are going through so many changes right now.
Ginger

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First of all, I'd like to say that Melody's post was not written by a 13 year old. The mature language, organization of thoughts and clarity in her writing is not that of a child. Perhaps the mother is writing this and posing as her daughter in the hopes that people will be more inclined to offer suggestions.
A letter to Dr. Phil asking to be on his show may be an idea. Otherwise, how about the PNP Centre where Dr. Phil sends people with brain/behaviour issues to do a complete neurological work up? Good luck!

Liked by mickj

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@afrobin

First of all, I'd like to say that Melody's post was not written by a 13 year old. The mature language, organization of thoughts and clarity in her writing is not that of a child. Perhaps the mother is writing this and posing as her daughter in the hopes that people will be more inclined to offer suggestions.
A letter to Dr. Phil asking to be on his show may be an idea. Otherwise, how about the PNP Centre where Dr. Phil sends people with brain/behaviour issues to do a complete neurological work up? Good luck!

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Hi @afrobin, I agree that Melody's writing is very clear and well organized, and demonstrates a maturity beyond her years. Kudos to her. Let us not make assumptions. Connect is a welcoming, inclusive and respectful community. See the Community Guidelines here: https://connect.mayoclinic.org/page/about-connect/tab/community-guidelines/

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@greymelody

@gingerw Haha, yeah! True. It all just feels a bit surreal – like, time is just flying by so quickly, you know? Still, I've been doing better as of recent, so I hope that trend continues! I've been spending a lot of time with friends lately, so I think that definitely could've helped.

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Hi, @greymelody – just wanted to check in with you and see how things are going?

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Ah, sorry, guys! I haven't been able to check in on this website for a while, haha.

@gingerw, My friends have honestly been really great for me! I'm really happy to have them. They've just been so supportive, and also just been such a positive force in my life lately. They've seriously helped me out, and I'm eternally grateful to all of them! And yeah, I'm pretty sure my appointment is coming up soon. I'll update you all once I go through it, so that you guys all know how it went! Things are progressing well, so I just hope they continue that way.

@colleenyoung Thank you! I appreciate it. <3 I know that I tend to act, well, "more mature" (although I don't really like using that word, because I feel like it makes me come across as arrogant, haha; besides, maturity is a bit subjective, anyways), but I still think I have a ways to go when it comes to life and everything, haha. I'd say I'm knowledgable, but I'm not wise. I have the knowledge, but lack the experience that comes with growing up!

@lisalucier Things have honestly been going really well. I'm happy to say that things have been improving, and it's mainly been due to my friends' support. I seriously don't know what I would do without them. And I'm seriously grateful for all of your guys' support, too! You all have been so helpful, and I appreciate your support and kinds words – it really does mean a lot to me.

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@greymelody

Ah, sorry, guys! I haven't been able to check in on this website for a while, haha.

@gingerw, My friends have honestly been really great for me! I'm really happy to have them. They've just been so supportive, and also just been such a positive force in my life lately. They've seriously helped me out, and I'm eternally grateful to all of them! And yeah, I'm pretty sure my appointment is coming up soon. I'll update you all once I go through it, so that you guys all know how it went! Things are progressing well, so I just hope they continue that way.

@colleenyoung Thank you! I appreciate it. <3 I know that I tend to act, well, "more mature" (although I don't really like using that word, because I feel like it makes me come across as arrogant, haha; besides, maturity is a bit subjective, anyways), but I still think I have a ways to go when it comes to life and everything, haha. I'd say I'm knowledgable, but I'm not wise. I have the knowledge, but lack the experience that comes with growing up!

@lisalucier Things have honestly been going really well. I'm happy to say that things have been improving, and it's mainly been due to my friends' support. I seriously don't know what I would do without them. And I'm seriously grateful for all of your guys' support, too! You all have been so helpful, and I appreciate your support and kinds words – it really does mean a lot to me.

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@greymelody So good to have you check in! You know that we are here for you, so please do come back and let us know how you are progressing. It's great to hear that your friends are so supportive for you, and I bet you are for them too, right?
Ginger

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@gingerw

@greymelody So good to have you check in! You know that we are here for you, so please do come back and let us know how you are progressing. It's great to hear that your friends are so supportive for you, and I bet you are for them too, right?
Ginger

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@gingerw Yes, of course! I definitely will, thank you guys for everything. <3 And yes, definitely! My friends are such adorable dorks, because I literally just woke up to "man, I miss melody, hope she gets on soon" despite the fact that I was gone for like, only an hour or two. I'm really lucky to have such great friends, my goodness.

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@greymelody, I am so glad your friends are so positive and encouraging to you. No doubt in part because you tend to be that way for them.

I am one of the Grammas of the group, and yet I still find it difficult to have ADHD. Untreated ADHD and ADD are both leading causes of depression.

Looking forward to hearing from you again when you have your appointment. I myself may have to get on some meds for ADHD myself. How silly of me to think I can just will it away. Could I have bought into the idea that just because I understand it, comprehend it, that I can just deal with it without help?

Even helpers need help. We are all in this together. What do you think?

Mamacita

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@mamacita

@greymelody, I am so glad your friends are so positive and encouraging to you. No doubt in part because you tend to be that way for them.

I am one of the Grammas of the group, and yet I still find it difficult to have ADHD. Untreated ADHD and ADD are both leading causes of depression.

Looking forward to hearing from you again when you have your appointment. I myself may have to get on some meds for ADHD myself. How silly of me to think I can just will it away. Could I have bought into the idea that just because I understand it, comprehend it, that I can just deal with it without help?

Even helpers need help. We are all in this together. What do you think?

Mamacita

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@mamacita Mhm, I really like that phrase. Everyone needs help, even the helpers, and I feel like we sometimes can forget that fact. And that's why it's important to have a support circle! To remind each-other to take care of themselves, and to support one another when things get tough.

I definitely understand what you mean about ADHD, though! I think that there's no shame in taking medication if a person needs it. Sometimes, understanding and comprehending it isn't enough, and that's okay! Whether or not a person needs medication really depends on the severity of the ADHD, and a bunch of other factors. I watched this video, and that message really struck home for me, actually:

. (Side note: I love this channel, she's the best-)

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@greymelody

@mamacita Mhm, I really like that phrase. Everyone needs help, even the helpers, and I feel like we sometimes can forget that fact. And that's why it's important to have a support circle! To remind each-other to take care of themselves, and to support one another when things get tough.

I definitely understand what you mean about ADHD, though! I think that there's no shame in taking medication if a person needs it. Sometimes, understanding and comprehending it isn't enough, and that's okay! Whether or not a person needs medication really depends on the severity of the ADHD, and a bunch of other factors. I watched this video, and that message really struck home for me, actually:

. (Side note: I love this channel, she's the best-)

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Hi, @greymelody – wondering how you're doing lately?

Liked by smilie

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@lisalucier

Hi, @greymelody – wondering how you're doing lately?

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Hi, I haven’t posted anything for a while. I’m doing my best to feel good. Today was the first day in two weeks that I needed to take an Ativan.

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@smilie

Hi, I haven’t posted anything for a while. I’m doing my best to feel good. Today was the first day in two weeks that I needed to take an Ativan.

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Hi, @smilie – that is great you are doing your best to feel good. You mentioned a couple days ago you had to take a lorazepam (Ativan). How have the last day or so gone for you?

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Same things here for the most part. My doc has me on Concerta and Zoloft. I‘ve had adderall, and a few other combinations, but this has worked for me. Id talk to your doctor about your issue, this is just what helped me.

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@chudson15

Same things here for the most part. My doc has me on Concerta and Zoloft. I‘ve had adderall, and a few other combinations, but this has worked for me. Id talk to your doctor about your issue, this is just what helped me.

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Hi, @chudson15 – nice to see you've joined Mayo Clinic Connect.

Do you have diagnoses of ADHD as well as depression? Have you experienced any side effects with the sertraline (Zoloft) and the methylphenidate (Concerta)?

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