Possible Depression & ADHD - Need Advice & Support.

Posted by greymelody @greymelody, Wed, May 15 10:36am

Hey, call me Melody or Mel for short.

Guess I’ll get straight to the point– 13 year old female (turning 14 soon) who has undiagnosed ADHD and shows possible depression symptoms.

Parents both are diagnosed with ADHD, have shown ADHD symptoms before the age of 12, and still struggle with symptoms as of now. If I had to guess, I’d say I have the Combination Presentation (Inattention & Hyperactivity/Impulsive). I show symptoms of both inattention and hyperactivity — the former being unable to properly focus often, getting distracted easily (even when it’s something I have to get done), and daydreaming far more than should be appropriate (waste hours of my life doing this, even when there’s more important things to be done). Pace often (coupled with daydreaming), can’t sit still, mind is always racing, and tend to blurt whatever’s on my mind, along with a lot of extreme gestures while talking.

With that ADHD note, I am uncertain where my constant daydreaming is a symptom of my ADHD, perhaps a larger issue, or both. As I mentioned before, I waste hours of my life daydreaming, even if there’s things I need to get done. I blast music in my earbuds and pace. I’m told I make facial expressions and sounds while daydreaming, which isn’t something that people with ADHD seem to complain about – although it seems like something I would be more likely to struggle with, due to my ADHD. I’ve heard of the term “Maladaptive Daydreaming,” but I don’t daydream of worlds or make up entire storylines or plot. I don’t make my own fictional characters in my head, nor do I imagine an idealized version of myself. I would say I daydream of fictional characters I’ve read or watched through media going through emotional conflicts — it is not a storyline or a full plot; it is a section of a plot, the climax, with no other added details.

I would like to know what other people think of this issue, and if there’s anything that can be done to improve it. I think I may have developed it as an unhealthy coping mechanism, but I’m unsure how to go about improving it. I have nothing against daydreaming in itself; it’s a wonderful thing. But now it is interfering with my schoolwork and daily life, as I find myself procrastinating both relationships and work in order to daydream.

Finally, the main crux of what I want to talk about: My depression symptoms.

I’m not comfortable with self-diagnosing depression. It is a very real, serious condition that hurts people — even people that I currently know and love — and I would hate to invalidate the struggles of people who go through it if I don’t actually suffer from it. It’s why I am so hesitant in even professing the idea that I could have depression, perhaps a mild form of it, because I’m scared of invalidating other people’s experiences.

The fact of it is that I’ve been showing depression symptoms for a while now, and I’m not sure how to feel about it. I’ve gone through a lot as of late, so I would be valid in being stressed or sad about recent events. To tl;dr of it: Briefly moved to another country, withdrew from an online community of friends after an argument with one of the main friends in said community (didn’t feel comfortable there anymore), learned about my ADHD when my parents told me that I most likely had it but never knew before that time, got into a relationship that inevitably failed once said guy got into another relationship and told me after the fact (he was polyamorous and we never had the conversation about it until then), and am currently in a very unstable living situation, as I am unsure of where my parents and I are going to travel next or where we’ll be staying long-term.

With all that, it would be natural for me to be upset or stressed or sad. I’m aware of that. And yet, when I think about what’s causing me distress, it’s not those things — It’s me. I’m upset, not because of what I’m going through (although I am not fine with these events, they aren’t the main struggle), but because of who I am as a person. I feel like a failure, useless, a burden, and that all I can do is take from other people, no matter how hard I try to do good. … That last one probably stems from my falling out with the friend I mentioned earlier. They told me I was untrustworthy, unintentionally two-faced, and a person who takes from others in her pursuit to try to help everyone. I feel like their words have become a part of my mental dialogue, now.

I don’t know. I think I’ve been oversleeping, eating more than usual, and I feel tired, all the time. But not a physical tiredness; a mental tiredness that doesn’t go away, no matter what. It’s a heavy nothing that follows me everywhere, and there’s moments where I’ll feel better — distracting myself with friends or my daydreaming habit — but the second those things stop, it washes over me all over again. I don’t know what to do about it.

I feel worthless, like a waste of space. I’m guilty a lot, even for things I’ve got no reason to be. I’ve gotten passive suicidal ideation, different from active.

And I don’t know, because I’m terrible at self-awareness. I don’t know, because with all my distractions, it’s possible that this has worsened over time, with the more I ignored it and the more I used my daydreaming as a coping mechanism to feel better, instead of actually addressing what was going on. And now… Now, I’m overdue on schoolwork, on the brink of tears because I feel so pathetic, and I just. Need advice, help, something.

My friends who I have talked to about this comment that it seems like a very mild form of depression, considering that I’m still able to function, but still showcase these depression symptoms. Heck, despite being told by two of my friends who suffer from depression themselves that it’s okay for me to call it such or that they even think it’s possible I have it and that that it doesn’t invalidate their experiences at all, I’m scared.

I got a therapist appointment in June, I think, but my parents seem to be of the impression that’s it’s for an ADHD diagnosis only. It’s only an hour long, and I don’t think I’ll have future, consistent ones besides that one, considering how shaky my living situation is right now. Should I talk to them about me showcasing depression symptoms, as well? I don’t know if we’ll have time to really go over it, or if I’ll be able to find help right away, though.

I would say the depression symptoms began a year ago, got better with the relationship I had, and then fell right back into that hole of darkness again. And then I had a period where I felt better, and then crashed for no particular reason, and am now right back here again.

What should I do? What should I think? What do you guys think? I need some outside advice here.
I would really appreciate any input, so thanks in advance for anyone who bothers to reply to this mess, haaaa.
If more context or information is needed, just let me know.

(Also, I’m new here, so if this is posted in the wrong area, let me know, and I’ll move it.)

@mamacita

@greymelody, choff, choff…this Birthday cake is really good! How thoughtful of you to invite us over! What a great excuse to stray from my "lazy keto" diet.

Frankly, these days I would use just about any excuse at all to stray from my Lazy Keto diet. I've been so good for so long, lost 65 pounds, gone down so many dress sizes. But I am stalled. Planning for two trips, finishing up home-schooling the teen, and Marie Kondo-ing my entire house leaves me exhausted all too frequently.

Not to mention my book club, recovering from Shingles, and all the other books I am currently reading. I move into my new office this week. I am blessed with incredible people who want to make a difference in our world. We are a team of "helpers." Remember Mr. Rogers? He always said that when you are in trouble, lost, and can't find your way home, to look for the "helpers."

We have various labels and titles. Different degrees, cerificates, licenses, and experience. We are a non-profit organization. I will be able to work as much or as little as I want or need to. We cooperate with other agencies and groups in the community to help provide a place where people can come and be seen. Be heard.

Very much like Mayo Clinic Connect. We hear you. We see you. Come to the table. We have a place set just for you. Give our best regards to your family.

See you later, gator. (Our teen groans when we talk like that to him. I imagine you grimacing as you read the last sentence!) Come on, you know we old folks like to be a source of embarrassment for the young ones. Ha!

Have a blessed day! Talk to you later!

Mamacita

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@mamacita Your nonprofit organization sounds wonderful. I wish I lived closer. Would love to see your new office and visit with the staff. You must be so pleased!

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@hopeful33250

@mamacita Your nonprofit organization sounds wonderful. I wish I lived closer. Would love to see your new office and visit with the staff. You must be so pleased!

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@hopeful33250 , I am so excited to have a place to go where I can help others face to face. And to have colleagues who are dedicated and trained to give the best care possible, well…it's a dream come true.

It all works wonderfully together with what I try to do here. Sometimes all a person really needs is to heard. To feel that they are not invisible. That there is a way out.

Good night, dear friend. Talk to you soon.

Mamacita

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@hopeful33250

@mamacita What fun, a Kindergarten graduation! I'm looking forward to hearing all about it!

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@hopeful33250 , Teresa, I will happily bore you with the details! I am certain I will come away from it with lots of material for future posts!

Have a great day tomorrow!

Mamacita

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@mamacita

@hopeful33250 , I am so excited to have a place to go where I can help others face to face. And to have colleagues who are dedicated and trained to give the best care possible, well…it's a dream come true.

It all works wonderfully together with what I try to do here. Sometimes all a person really needs is to heard. To feel that they are not invisible. That there is a way out.

Good night, dear friend. Talk to you soon.

Mamacita

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@mamacita You are so right! Just being heard is a wonderful gift that some people have never experienced. Blessings to you and your wonderful staff as they listen to others.

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@mamacita

@hopeful33250 , I am so excited to have a place to go where I can help others face to face. And to have colleagues who are dedicated and trained to give the best care possible, well…it's a dream come true.

It all works wonderfully together with what I try to do here. Sometimes all a person really needs is to heard. To feel that they are not invisible. That there is a way out.

Good night, dear friend. Talk to you soon.

Mamacita

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@mamacita Who better to be there for/listen to, than someone who has been in their shoes?! This group of people sound like kindred spirits and everyone will be pulling for each person who walks through the door. That will be such a positive energy!

Graduation season definitely! And they're starting them so young. No wonder they seem kind of jaded by the time they get to college and graduation ceremonies. But seriously, everyday is 1 to appreciate and celebrate so why shouldn't each movement from grade to grade be also celebrated?
Ginger

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This is a wonderful conversation! Just what is needed on a grey, cloudy, rainy, and 35degree day in May! Thank you. @mamacita , @gingerw , @greymelody , @hopeful33250 ! It helps to lift the clouds.

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@greymelody

@mamacita Thank you so much!! No need to apologize for it being long, I appreciate it! I agree with all the tips you've shared with me– Exercising daily, eating healthy, having a healthy sleep schedule, etc, are all good and healthy things to do, both mentally and physically. It's just a matter of actually applying those principles in real life. I feel like we all know these things in the back of our minds, but it's hard to actually apply it and put it into practice, you know? Maybe I'll try to make more of an effort to work on these things (like, my terrible sleep schedule, for example; staying up to 3AM and sleeping to 3PM isn't good, for obvious reasons lol).

As I mentioned earlier, I agree with the sentiment that medication isn't everything, and that it really depends on an individual! The thing with medication is that you can't just take a pill by itself – you also have to start developing healthy habits and strategies along with it. It's an entire process, and so I definitely understand the sentiment of avoiding medication for younger kids, unless the individual really needs it/it proves effective for them. I think that when it comes to people in my age group, we should really focus on like. Learning healthy coping strategies, how to deal with stress healthily, making sure to take care of our own mental health, etc, so that we can apply those habits/methods/strategies as we grow older and have to deal with more stress + responsibilities. Without knowledge of those strategies and whatnot, we'll get overwhelmed and crash and burn, if that makes sense?

And hey, you know, I just turned 14 today! It's my birthday, ahah. I should maybe take the time to celebrate it a little, jkalds.

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Hi, @greymelody – how was the weekend and your birthday?

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@lisalucier

Hi, @greymelody – how was the weekend and your birthday?

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@lisalucier It was good!! I haven't had the chance to come back to respond to any of this until today, haha, so apologies for the late response! My birthday was nice — We went out to dinner and had ourselves a great time.

Honestly, just reading through all of this – @gingerw, @mamacita, @hopeful33250, you guys are great! It's so nice to read over everything you guys are saying – Ya'll are amazing. ♥

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@greymelody

@lisalucier It was good!! I haven't had the chance to come back to respond to any of this until today, haha, so apologies for the late response! My birthday was nice — We went out to dinner and had ourselves a great time.

Honestly, just reading through all of this – @gingerw, @mamacita, @hopeful33250, you guys are great! It's so nice to read over everything you guys are saying – Ya'll are amazing. ♥

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@greymelody I'm glad you had a good birthday, Mel. We all enjoy corresponding with others on Connect. I'm glad you are enjoying this online group😊

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@greymelody

@lisalucier It was good!! I haven't had the chance to come back to respond to any of this until today, haha, so apologies for the late response! My birthday was nice — We went out to dinner and had ourselves a great time.

Honestly, just reading through all of this – @gingerw, @mamacita, @hopeful33250, you guys are great! It's so nice to read over everything you guys are saying – Ya'll are amazing. ♥

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@greymelody Hey, Mel, so glad you had a great day! Was the celebration different than in other years because of your current location?
Ginger

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@greymelody Hi greymelody, boy can I relate! To the depression, I can only hope you are feeling better. I have had depression since 1992. If I can offer you one piece of advice – learn all you can. Knowledge is power! I continue to read about it and if there is something I don’t agree with, I just file it away as “bad” info and go on. Anyway, I hope you had a great birthday dinner. Sorry it took a few days to get back to you. ……Karen

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@gingerw

@greymelody Hey, Mel, so glad you had a great day! Was the celebration different than in other years because of your current location?
Ginger

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@gingerw Sorry for taking so long to respond, been kind of busy with schoolwork lately, haha! And to answer your question, not particularly, no! I haven't ever really been one for 'big celebrations.' I just tend to prefer small get-togethers with close family members – which was basically what we did! My parents and I just went out to dinner and it was very nice!

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@karen00

@greymelody Hi greymelody, boy can I relate! To the depression, I can only hope you are feeling better. I have had depression since 1992. If I can offer you one piece of advice – learn all you can. Knowledge is power! I continue to read about it and if there is something I don’t agree with, I just file it away as “bad” info and go on. Anyway, I hope you had a great birthday dinner. Sorry it took a few days to get back to you. ……Karen

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@karen00 Thank you! I think that I've been feeling better as of late, so I just hope that things continue to get better. And yes, I certainly will! Knowledge truly is power, and I'm always doing my best to seek out more, haha. And no worries, it's totally okay! <3 I just appreciate that you responded at all.

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@teresa, Volunteer Mentor, and @graymelody, Happy Weekend! I have had a very interesting week. I learned that I had a recurrence of
Shingles with a secondary infection. More meds, yada yada.

Bottom line, no kindergarten graduation for me.. I have been sad and disappointed My plan is to be able to go visit as soon as possible. Hurry up, contagious disease. Get it done!

I hope everyone has a safe holiday weekend. Expect little, be grateful for much
Namaste.

Mamacita

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@greymelody Hi Mel, hope your last few days after turning 14 have been going well for you. Although it is just a number, it can be a big jump emotionally, right?
Ginger

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