Partner with early signs of dementia & APOE 4 breaking up with me

@a23studio
I am giving you a virtual hug because I am sure you are in shock as much as he may be.
Wishing you lots of strength and support.
🌺

Such a tragic situation. 🙁

I hope you're both getting the support you'll each need, and if mutually beneficial that you can still have some connection. I'm guessing there's considerable grief for both of you, and that some sort of connection that would work for each of you could help you both through this.

My wife of 43 years recently got an MCI/Alzheimer's diagnosis, and among our challenges is this same conversation. Having both studied a communication methodology formerly called Compassionate Communication (now called NVC - online at cnvc.org), we've found that exceptionally helpful during our decades together - and especially now. I hope you can find ways of keeping in touch, even if only for this painful separation he's initiated.

@judimahoney yes, we are in so much shock. He took a test six years ago and was under the impression that he did not have the gene. It was so disorienting when we got the news. Thank you for your kindness.

@plus yes, exactly, it’s such a tragic situation. We have had such a beautiful love. I’m so grateful we found each other. The past two months have been challenging for both of us as you can imagine. Aware of the anticipatory grief and also working on staying in the present.

Thank you for sharing about your situation. It sounds like you’re having similar conversations, perhaps your wife not wanting to be a burden?

Thank you also for sharing about the communication program. I will look into it.

I’m not sure how much we will be in each other’s lives. I’m asking him not to make decisions for me, and I’m inviting him to share what he needs. He’s always needed a little bit more encouragement in that department.

my friend (93yo) of 40 years for the last 2 weeks is not the person I've known all these years. He has become rude, nasty, being secretive, refusing to take his medication, when I visited on Sunday, he told me to leave and not come back.
I don't understand his altered state of mind so suddenly. Sure he's had slips in the past, but this is as if he's possessed by an evil spirit suddenly. He has no family left, I'm his last friend, and this change makes me feel so sad. Has anyone had a similar experience with an explanation?

"His love for me is beautiful..."
He wants to deal with this on his own (strong) terms, and not have your own life completely derailed with his illness. It's a gift. He is not rejecting you, the illness has come between you.
Since it's progressive, there is little you can do practically , except suffer along with him, so why have two of you suffering the illness. You will suffer, with help, the loss.
I can relate. A burden to my family, is much worse than my illnesses themselves. They don't like my Stoic approach, but respect it.
He may just be the type who wants to deal with this privately. I know for me, dealing with "concerned" friends and relatives is draining.
"OK. Everybody go home. There's nothing to see here."

The Stoic approach you mention…interestingly, he is always quoting the Stoics. It makes sense the way I know him, that he would try to “save” me, as you said, give me that gift.

He called today, and he is coming this weekend. Maybe he is still figuring out what he wants. He will finally see a doctor tomorrow. He said time has been so slow waiting these two months for the appt.

I’ve worked on giving him space and privacy, trying to give him the balance he is looking for.

“Dealing with ‘concerned’ family members is draining…”that is probably similar to how he is feeling. Thank you for that.

I am wrestling with my thoughts…this can’t be happening. Serenity prayer…

Thank you for your response.