No motivation — feel like I'm going down a black hole

Posted by twobluelady @twobluelady, Aug 23, 2017

Currently not on any medication though I have been in the past on Celexa. Thought most of my problem was a painful divorce and went off medication. Since then I have lost my job, living with family, gained almost 100 pounds. I just can’t seem to find the motivation to change anything and feeling helpless. I know I need to find a doctor and get back on medication, but what can I do in the meantime? I feel I’m going down a black hole.

@twobluelady

I’ve come to realize a big part of my problem is staying home and not going out. When I do get out, run errands, etc, I feel better. However, hard to go out when you have to watch your money and self-esteem issues so bad. Feel like everyone is looking at the “fat” lady. In my group of friends, I am by far the biggest. In reality i know everyone is not looking at me, but emotionally it’s hard. Plus there ARE some people who definitely discriminate against you. It has happened to me before. Even in my looking for work, I’m paranoid about it.

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twobluelady ….. I so totally understand what you’re saying. My personality is essentially introverted, and while I can go out with friends for a time, by the time I get home, I’m exhausted. When I’m really down, I isolate ….. I won’t deny that. I’d rather be left alone than bother with anyone … I don’t answer the phone, the door, or anything. Not healthy, I know, but I just can’t push myself to change it at those times. abby

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@twobluelady

I’ve come to realize a big part of my problem is staying home and not going out. When I do get out, run errands, etc, I feel better. However, hard to go out when you have to watch your money and self-esteem issues so bad. Feel like everyone is looking at the “fat” lady. In my group of friends, I am by far the biggest. In reality i know everyone is not looking at me, but emotionally it’s hard. Plus there ARE some people who definitely discriminate against you. It has happened to me before. Even in my looking for work, I’m paranoid about it.

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Exactly amberpep. I totally isolate myself, not answering phone, etc too. I’ve always wanted my alone time, but isolation is not good. I’ve missed out on so much because its too much of an effort to call, go out, etc. I just don’t know how to get over this.

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I think for me anyhow part of this is depression, but the other part is my personality. I was an only child, no friends as I was in an abusive home, and I spent a lot of time alone in my room reading – or hiding. I always felt I was different – sort of “that girl in the corner” that no one knew or cared about. Now, as an adult (an old adult) I appear to everyone to be very friendly, social, chatty, but inside it’s a push.
abby

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@hopeful33250

@twobluelady Welcome to Mayo Connect,

I’m so glad that you posted about your lack of motivation and your need to make some changes. You know, admitting you have a problem is the first step in getting better. Divorce is a difficult thing to recover from. Many of us have walked that road and understand how it feels.

Several months ago, we had a discussion called “Happiness: A One Week Journey,” here is the link to that discussion, https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/happiness-a-one-week-journey/

Perhaps you will find some encouragement by looking at Dr. Amit Sood’s program. In the meantime, stay connected with us. Find things to do that you enjoy, like walking, talking, listening to music, etc.

We look forward to hearing from you.

Teresa

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My biggest problem is I seem to have what is called “treatment resistant depression” none of the numerous antidepressants I’ve tried over many years have helped much. Oh well I just try to keep trusting in the good Lord.
Rick

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@hopeful33250

@twobluelady Welcome to Mayo Connect,

I’m so glad that you posted about your lack of motivation and your need to make some changes. You know, admitting you have a problem is the first step in getting better. Divorce is a difficult thing to recover from. Many of us have walked that road and understand how it feels.

Several months ago, we had a discussion called “Happiness: A One Week Journey,” here is the link to that discussion, https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/happiness-a-one-week-journey/

Perhaps you will find some encouragement by looking at Dr. Amit Sood’s program. In the meantime, stay connected with us. Find things to do that you enjoy, like walking, talking, listening to music, etc.

We look forward to hearing from you.

Teresa

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Hi, @ricktrout–just wanted to mention you might like to take part in the discussion about treatment-resistant depression starting here: https://connect.mayoclinic.org/comment/66691/bookmark/?ajax_hook=action&_wpnonce=fad62fc57e.

There you’ll meet people like @jimhd and @amberpep, who have talked about their experiences with treatment-resistant depression.

Have you found any other strategies that do provide some help with your depression, since none of the antidepressants you’ve tried have helped much?

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@hopeful33250

@twobluelady Welcome to Mayo Connect,

I’m so glad that you posted about your lack of motivation and your need to make some changes. You know, admitting you have a problem is the first step in getting better. Divorce is a difficult thing to recover from. Many of us have walked that road and understand how it feels.

Several months ago, we had a discussion called “Happiness: A One Week Journey,” here is the link to that discussion, https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/happiness-a-one-week-journey/

Perhaps you will find some encouragement by looking at Dr. Amit Sood’s program. In the meantime, stay connected with us. Find things to do that you enjoy, like walking, talking, listening to music, etc.

We look forward to hearing from you.

Teresa

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Hi, @ricktrout . I have treatment resistant major depression, as well, and it’s a rough go, for sure. I’m 67, and had to retire 12 years ago because of, as the psychiatrist diagnosed, major depression, PTSD, anxiety disorder, OCD, depressive bipolar disorder and suicidal ideation. I was approved for ECT, but planning the logistics became too overwhelming. Being abandoned by my wife would be devastating. I wouldn’t actually blame her, having put up with my mental health issues all these years. I know it’s been hard on her. I’m sorry you’re having to go through that. I hope you can take care of yourself during this time, and not get deeper into depression.

Remember self care.

Jim

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Hello Abby, @amberpep

I like what you said, “but inside it’s a push.” For any of us who are recovering from depression that “inside push” is what we need to remember. It represents self-care and we need that so much.

Teresa

Liked by Lisa Lucier, Parus

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@hopeful33250

Hello Abby, @amberpep

I like what you said, “but inside it’s a push.” For any of us who are recovering from depression that “inside push” is what we need to remember. It represents self-care and we need that so much.

Teresa

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Well, I think what I need today is a kick in the pants! (sorry) Most of you probably know about 2-1/2 years I moved from Frederick, MD. to western VA to be closer to my kids. The duplex I got was still about 45 min. away from my girls and too expensive for me. So, about 4 weeks ago I moved into a limited-income apartment complex, which is closer to my girls and their families. My son lives outside D.C. I loved my condo, which is what I bought after a divorce from a 40 year marriage …. I felt free, knew the town like the back of my hand, had good friends and a great church. I’d lived in that county for 30 years. I was very content and cozy. Well, I’ve come to the conclusion that this is where I will live out the rest of my days. My girls are being very sweet, but I’m just not happy. I miss everything about Frederick – my condo, my friends, my church, and just knowing Frederick like the back of my hand. I’ve resigned myself that “this is it.” Everything is so foreign feeling, I have a terrible time getting anywhere. I’ve had digestive issues ever since I was getting ready to leave MD, and that continues still. I know that’s anxiety. My condo was sold, so I can’t go back to “my place” any longer. I feel extremely alone, lonesome, and depressed. I have not unpacked one thing except for what my girls did for me. I just don’t care.
abby

Liked by Parus

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@hopeful33250

Hello Abby, @amberpep

I like what you said, “but inside it’s a push.” For any of us who are recovering from depression that “inside push” is what we need to remember. It represents self-care and we need that so much.

Teresa

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Hello Abby, @amberpep

I’m sorry to hear that you are feeling out of sorts right now. You have just come back from being out of town for your appointments and you have come back to your new place – I can understand how you must feel a little estranged from your prior home(s) and connections. Take a break and give yourself some time to adjust.
Do something nice for yourself! You have shared some very helpful posts with our Members over the past couple of days and I’ve appreciated having you back with us!

Teresa

Liked by Lisa Lucier, Parus

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@hopeful33250

Hello Abby, @amberpep

I like what you said, “but inside it’s a push.” For any of us who are recovering from depression that “inside push” is what we need to remember. It represents self-care and we need that so much.

Teresa

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Thank you Teresa …
abby

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Abby,

My pleasure!

Teresa

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@hopeful33250

Hello Abby, @amberpep

I like what you said, “but inside it’s a push.” For any of us who are recovering from depression that “inside push” is what we need to remember. It represents self-care and we need that so much.

Teresa

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Hi, Abby @amberpep — so sorry you are feeling depressed and alone. You mentioned you’ve come to the conclusion that this is where you will live out the rest of your days. Just clarifying whether you meant in your new city in VA or in Frederick?

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@hopeful33250

Hello Abby, @amberpep

I like what you said, “but inside it’s a push.” For any of us who are recovering from depression that “inside push” is what we need to remember. It represents self-care and we need that so much.

Teresa

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Hi, Abby @amberpep Do you drive your own car? I know that you’re living in the middle of some of the most beautiful areas of the US. Have you poked around the back roads yet? Maybe you’ll find a pretty spot to sit and meditate.

Jim

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@twobluelady, @magspierce and @amberpep — you all had talked before about isolating yourselves sometimes and not going out. I'm wondering if now that it's turned to spring and the days are getting nicer, if you've been getting out a bit?

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@lisalucier

@twobluelady, @magspierce and @amberpep — you all had talked before about isolating yourselves sometimes and not going out. I'm wondering if now that it's turned to spring and the days are getting nicer, if you've been getting out a bit?

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Same problem for me, with MDD depression, isolating is about the worst thing I can do for my mood! Awful. I have – some days – to force myself to get outside and walk and go places. Then, I feel better. While we're having a snow storm today, Spring is here and, yes, that makes it, for me, a lot easier to go outside for a long walk and plan to join Planet Fitness. Def lifts my, not hibernating. Thanks.

Liked by Lisa Lucier, Parus

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